Time Ticks
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It’s not like the other guys would ever understand. The other guys had it wrong. The girls are what matter. They’re all you need to live and breathe. It isn’t about how good you look. What counts is what’s inside your heart, or rather, on the inside of their hearts—the one you want to have and possess and be owned by. And I mean completely own.
If there was a word that best describes that feeling, then that would be it: possession. The word itself sounds dirty—or maybe it only means that because it’s something I want so badly. It might even be considered an evil wish. But no, that doesn’t seem right at all.
In fact, I think I’m just going to say this out loud—I love the thought of possessing someone completely and totally. I don’t care about anything else, not even her body or how pretty she is; my whole focus has narrowed down to that very moment when she’ll be mine, and I will take her as I please.
When the world becomes hers too. That’s what I’m looking for—the kind of thing I’ve never been able to find anywhere in this world.
What am I? A man who gets off on having a woman under him—that’s right, and a man with a big dick, to boot. And yet despite this, there’s something so incredibly pure about it all, I can’t believe it’s real. And it seems like that is exactly what’s making everything so difficult.
“Aaaaah!”
The world suddenly went dark. It was only my eyes closing as my head sank forward onto the desk. My hands were still holding my face up, but they slowly slipped down. The next thing I knew, my fingers were pressing against a small button—an emergency stop on a train.
I looked around, realizing I wasn’t in my bedroom anymore—in fact, I didn’t know where I was at all. There were people everywhere—they had to be from my school.
My brain couldn’t make sense of what had happened. All it could process was “something’s wrong” and that feeling of terror I got the first time I saw her in class—the sensation of having my soul sucked into nothingness. I knew exactly how that felt. It made me panic. It was an instinct.
“Wha…wh-what?!” I couldn’t say a word as I stood up, my heart pounding. What was going on? Why did everyone look so scared?
“Eri?” I looked over at the teacher. She was looking down at the floor with her hands in front of her, shaking her head slowly, then lifting her gaze to look at me. “Are you okay? Did someone do something to you?”
“No…” I shook my head, my voice trembling, “no.”
“You’re not hurt, are you? You didn’t have a seizure or anything?”
“N-nooo!” I shook my head vigorously, my mind reeling, trying to remember what happened. When did I come here? How did I get here?
“Eri.” I could see the fear in my teacher’s eyes, so I quickly explained, “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m well today.”
It wasn’t the right thing to say, because she suddenly burst out laughing. Then, when her laughter finally quieted down, she said, “Ohhh… That must be so difficult, huh? You’re sick, aren’t you? I thought you were just being lazy.”
I was stunned; that was the last thing I expected her to say. I didn’t feel sick. I felt perfectly fine, but my body had been racked with the sensation of terror before my consciousness went dark. I’d never felt anything like it. My teacher’s laugh sounded so loud. But then her eyes fell shut for a moment as though she was going to cry. It made me realize this wasn’t a joke.
“You’re so brave, Eri…you don’t have a care in the world, do you?”
When she opened her eyes, she smiled gently and looked straight at me. I couldn’t see the fear in her anymore—it was gone. In its place was a warmth so deep I couldn’t help but smile back. It wasn’t my imagination; she really had seen through me, like I always thought she did. I wanted to stay in her classroom forever, basking in her gentle gaze.
“What is it?” she asked again, reaching out her hand toward me, her smile even bigger now.
“No, nothing,” I replied softly, shaking my head. “I’m fine…”
I took her hand and let her guide me from the room. I was too scared to go anywhere on my own, but there was no way I’d leave her side. I had never imagined this would happen. What was it? Had something happened to her?
It couldn’t be. If it was, she wouldn’t have called me to the front of the class. It couldn’t have been my fault; if anyone knew, they’d say that I’d been sick ever since I came here. I’d been having headaches and dizziness for the past three weeks, but no one had said anything about it, because it happened every once in a while, and there weren’t any other symptoms.
But now this… I didn’t know what was wrong with me. The only thing I could think of was that I was going crazy.
As we walked along together, her hand still in mine, I kept looking at her face, searching for clues to help me understand what was happening to me. Her smile seemed so much softer than usual, and she didn’t talk at all—she just held my hand. My heart was beating faster and faster. Why didn’t she let go?
When we were at the end of the hall, I looked over her shoulder at the classroom doors. We were near the front of the school, where the teachers’ offices and classrooms were located. As soon as she saw the other doors, her eyes darted to them, too.
She seemed to remember something, then turned her head back to me again, pulling my hand tighter. “This is a secret,” she whispered. Her voice sounded even sweeter than before, but somehow it was colder. I felt myself being drawn into a place I couldn’t see.
“What…is this?” I whispered back. I could hear my heart beating faster and faster, and when I closed my eyes, the fear I’d always had whenever I heard that name started to fade, too. Was she telling me this was my punishment? My heart sank, and the feeling of despair started to wash over me again.
Then her hand pulled me closer, and I felt her lips on mine, so warm, soft, and sweet. My body tingled from head to toe. When her hands grabbed my hips and moved her own closer to me, I wanted to melt.
It felt like I was drowning, and the only thing that existed was the heat of her skin against my own, the warmth of her breath on my neck, and the touch of her fingers around my waist. All I could hear was her heartbeat. My hands slid up to her shoulders and then moved up her arms, and my mind was filled with images of my teacher’s face.
I couldn’t breathe; I was suffocating. The darkness closed in and swallowed me.
***
“What is going on? What happened?” My eyes fluttered open and immediately met those of my teacher. She was kneeling beside me, her face full of concern. Her gaze drifted down to the sheet that covered me. She seemed confused for a moment until she looked at the clock.
“Eri? What have you done?! I told you not to get out of bed!”
She pulled back the covers to reveal my pale face. My teacher ran off the bed and began searching for a phone. I sat up slowly and tried to pull away, but her arm shot out like lightning to block my movements. I couldn’t speak. I had no idea what to say; I didn’t even know where I was.
“You can’t leave your room unless it’s absolutely necessary,” she said sternly into the phone. “If you have an accident…”
“Don’t worry, I won’t let him fall ill.”
The line went silent, and I watched her expression soften with a hint of relief. When she turned back toward me, her smile was gentle and kind, and she leaned in closer.
“Oh, Eri! Are you all right? How are you feeling now?”
When she asked about me, her voice seemed distant somehow—as if she were watching someone else in front of her. As she spoke, her hands moved to my temples, gently stroking them. Her touch made me shiver with joy. But then her expression changed to one of alarm, and she grabbed the phone again.
“What happened…?” she repeated, but she didn’t seem to really be listening to the answer. She stared at me as if looking for some clue that would explain everything. I closed my eyes and tried to recall my dream. I remembered it all: my teacher and how she’d kissed me, her beautiful eyes, the way she whispered things into my ear that only I could hear. It felt like my entire body was on fire.
My teacher looked at me for another minute or so, and then took a deep breath. She lowered her gaze, still watching me, and nodded slightly. She stood and went over to my closet, and after rummaging around, came back to my bed. She set down a black bag with a zipper and reached inside it.
When she pulled her hand out, she was holding something round and smooth that fit neatly in the palm of her hand. When she held it up to me, I recognized what it was right away. It was a ring with a large gemstone.
“Your grandmother’s engagement ring,” my teacher explained quietly as she pressed her hand against my cheek. “Your great-grandmother was also from Tokyo.”
She looked into my eyes again, her lips curved ever so slightly. As I watched her face, it suddenly became difficult to breathe, and I could feel tears start to burn behind my eyelids.
“I thought maybe…it might bring you happiness…” My teacher sighed softly and placed the ring on my finger. “If you like it, perhaps I’ll ask your grandmother about it, too.”
I stared at her intently, and then slowly reached up to take the ring off my finger. It seemed to shimmer and shine even brighter now, like the stars in the sky, and for some reason, I couldn’t help but smile. My teacher laughed and took my hand away. Her fingers gently gripped my knuckles and squeezed; the ring remained on my hand.
“What?” she said softly as she leaned closer to me, her gaze still filled with concern. “Why do you look so happy?”
The words just slipped out, without thinking. “I love you,” I whispered.
My teacher gasped sharply, and her head shot up, staring at me. Then her face softened once more, and she moved her hands toward my cheeks. When they touched my skin, I felt her fingers slide through my hair. I couldn’t help but tremble in her embrace. I could never have imagined the feeling would be like this: my body was consumed by warmth and comfort.
“You’ve been crying…”
She lifted my face up toward hers, and when our eyes met, she smiled gently. I tried to speak, but no sound came out of my mouth. The warmth from her fingers flowed over my entire being, filling me completely.
***
“Are you all right?”
It was still dark outside, and the sun hadn’t yet come up. My teacher must have gone out somewhere because I could hear voices and the soft sound of music coming from the living room.
My teacher sat on my bed and looked at me with a worried expression. She had pulled a white handkerchief out of her bag and pressed it against my forehead to stop the flow of blood. When I saw what she was doing, I couldn’t stop myself from laughing.
“Oh, Eri! You’re still bleeding!”
“Don’t worry about it.”
I laughed again as I pushed the handkerchief away, but my teacher grabbed both of my hands and held them tightly.
“Eri… Are you sure you feel all right?” she asked softly, her face still full of concern. “You’ve been acting strange ever since last night.”
As I answered her, I watched her reaction carefully, searching for something, anything, that might have made her look upset. But there wasn’t even a hint of emotion in her expression. As I thought back to what I’d said yesterday, I realized she really hadn’t seemed surprised.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, shaking my head slightly. “I should have told you everything at once. It was all just too hard for me to say.”
When she nodded understandingly, I continued quietly. “That’s why I came home late. I wanted to talk to you, and when I woke up, you were already gone…” I let out a sigh and looked away, embarrassed.
She smiled at me kindly. “I knew it,” she said reassuringly. Then, after thinking for a moment, she asked: “How do you feel about it now?”
I swallowed hard, trying desperately not to break down in front of her again. It would be so easy—I could simply cry my heart out.
But instead, I turned my head away and stared at her chest. She was still wearing her clothes from the day before, but her blouse had ridden up, revealing her soft skin and the outline of her bra underneath. My heart was racing and my palms felt cold. I closed my eyes.
“Do you…like me?” I asked in a trembling voice, and the next thing I knew, her arms were around me and her body was pressing close to mine. Her warm lips touched my temple, then my cheeks, as if in answer to my question. When I looked into her beautiful eyes, there was an unspeakable tenderness in them.
“Yes, Eri.”
I opened my eyes wide, shocked.
The teacher looked straight at me for a while and smiled softly, stroking my cheek with her thumb. I could feel the warmth radiating from her. My heart raced wildly, and I felt like I might explode right there in her arms.
I couldn’t stop staring at her, but eventually, my gaze dropped to the side. As it did, she placed her hands on my shoulders and slowly turned me toward her. Then, ever so gently, she lowered her mouth toward mine.
I gasped as our lips touched for the first time. The warmth was so intense it felt almost unbearable, but I didn’t care—the feeling I got was even better than before, and I couldn’t stop smiling.
After several long moments of just standing there kissing, we finally separated. But when our mouths parted, we both kept our gazes locked on one another’s faces, looking at each other as if unable to look away. My teacher pressed her lips to mine once more, then slowly moved her hand to my neck.
I could tell by the way she held herself that she was trying not to make any sudden moves. When our lips met again, I felt myself melting completely into her embrace.
Our lips brushed together, and I felt her warm breath against my skin. Her tongue gently caressed my lips, and a shiver ran down my spine. I wanted to hold her, to wrap my arms around her, to press myself even closer to her body—but my limbs wouldn’t move.
Finally, when the two of us had gotten our emotions back under control, she pulled back from the kiss. I stared into her beautiful eyes and felt my heart beating wildly inside my chest. There was nothing in those deep pools but love and compassion. I’d never felt such tenderness toward anyone. I wanted to stay right here forever, just staring into her eyes.
She smiled softly and cupped my cheek with one hand, still holding her other hand to my chin. “I’ve always loved you, Eri.”
My mind was still fuzzy and confused, but when she said my name, something within me snapped. It was like an electric shock—an unexpected spark that burst into life. All at once, it all made sense: my teacher’s kindness; gentleness; understanding of others, and her willingness to sacrifice her own happiness to help them.
That was why she’d given me her spare key; that was why she’d come to get me on Christmas Eve; that was why she’d spent so much time with me every single day…
The warmth spreading through my body began to grow stronger. It seemed to fill every inch of my skin.
“Yes,” I whispered quietly. “Me too.”
As if responding to my words, her lips moved slightly and touched mine again. Our bodies pressed against each other tightly, and the sound of our hearts pounding was so loud I was sure we couldn’t possibly be able to hear anything else.
She was smiling tenderly as she pulled away and kissed me once more, then again, and again—kissing me with a desire I could only describe as burning with passion. Her lips were soft and warm, and her tongue slid over mine slowly, tasting me like water.
I closed my eyes and let my hands rest on her shoulders, trying not to forget where we were. But even though I was nervous, the warmth I felt in my stomach and heart kept growing until my entire body was shaking. It was so intense—so strong that I couldn’t resist it any longer.
The heat was radiating out of me, burning away all my hesitation and doubt. There was no room left for self-consciousness, and I just didn’t care anymore.
When we finally parted after several long minutes, I could still feel her breath on my face and the heat emanating from her body. She smiled softly and leaned toward me. We gazed at one another lovingly, and our faces slowly began to move toward each other once more.
My teacher’s eyes met mine, and her hands moved to the sides of my cheeks, guiding me gently closer.
As our lips met again, the heat I felt began to explode in waves of pure sensation. All I could feel was our gazes locked together; my heart thudding inside my chest; and the warm caress of her hands moving to my neck, then along the side of my face. When our lips parted, she whispered quietly into my ear. “I love you, Eri.”
The warmth that had been spreading throughout my body exploded with a thunderclap, leaving me trembling in shock. I looked into my teacher’s eyes and felt myself falling apart completely. She’d confessed her feelings for me right now, at this very moment—and she wanted to have me all to herself.
She wasn’t asking anything of me; she just wanted to be with me. No strings attached…
She kissed me again and held my head against her shoulder. Our kisses were long and tender; we seemed unable to stop touching each other. I could sense the strength of her love for me through every fiber of my being. I couldn’t possibly convey how much it meant to me to hear those words from her mouth, and I could only stare at her, stunned, as she gently stroked my hair.
We spent some time in our classroom just hugging one another, then decided it might be a good idea to take things somewhere a little bit more private. The two of us were both feeling extremely flustered by now, but I was still nervous about having sex with someone I’d been attracted to for so many years.
It would be different from when I’d slept with the other girls; now, it felt like we were committing to something far deeper. We were giving our bodies to each other for the first time. This might be my last chance, so I wanted to make sure everything went well and that I’d have plenty of wonderful memories to cherish.
“Okay,” I said after a few minutes had passed. “Let’s go home.”
I was pretty certain my face was bright red now, and it probably showed in the way I spoke. I could feel a burning sensation deep in my stomach—an unfamiliar, almost painful kind of emotion—but it seemed to be subsiding with every passing second.
My teacher smiled softly and took my hand, leading me out of the building. Once we were back on the street, I looked around to see if anyone was watching. When I didn’t spot anyone, I leaned over to whisper into my teacher’s ear. “What do you think will happen after this? Is this… is this okay?”
She giggled slightly, then replied in a whisper. “Of course, Eri. Don’t worry. I’m very glad we met. I can’t wait to get started.”
I nodded and looked into her eyes. As long as she was here with me, there wasn’t anything I wanted more than to give myself completely to her. And when I was done, we could go our separate ways, leaving no trace of who we used to be. We could just start a new life together…
The End