Why Am I So Tired Around My Boyfriend
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It was the first time she had worn this dress. It had taken her all afternoon to finish it, but now that she thought of it, it wasn’t that difficult after all. But she didn’t want to wear it on a job; she would have to change clothes before meeting Tom. She had tried to tell herself over and over that Tom wouldn’t recognize her in this dress. He knew her as a woman, not as a boy dressed up as a man.
She smoothed down the wrinkles with a hasty tug. She tied the belt tight and ran her fingers through her hair. Maybe she should take a moment before meeting Tom so he could get used to her new image. Maybe then he would finally relax. But if she waited until after supper, she’d be late. Besides, it was easier just to go ahead and meet Tom and hope for the best.
As she walked toward the front door, she turned back once more at the mirror. “You can do this,” she told her reflection. And yet she hesitated in the doorway, feeling like a fraud. This is the night I’ll prove my love. He has to see how much I’ve changed. He must know by now that I’m no longer the boy next door.
She closed the door behind her. “Where’s Tom?” she asked one of the house servants who looked up from where he was wiping down a table. “He told me to meet him here.”
“In his room,” the servant answered, pointing to a door down the hall. She followed the servant. He opened the door and let her in.
The room was large and spacious with high ceilings. There was no furniture except for a single chair, but there was an ornately carved fireplace set into a wall, and two windows looking out over the back lawn and pasture. She had never seen the ranch this clean or so well decorated.
It was too strange to see the place in its usual state; the walls were covered with animal heads and the furniture was covered with worn blankets. But when she entered the room, everything went gray. The sight of the room reminded her of the day Tom had told her about the ranch’s financial straits and the need for outside help.
He said it wasn’t easy explaining the situation to a man she didn’t know very well. But she should have known he would take the job because he had always wanted to be a cowboy.
She could still recall the way he had stared at her across the table. How could he not have noticed? Or if he had, did he think she was a boy? But if he had thought she was a boy, why would he have asked her to meet him here? If it hadn’t been for those few minutes on the porch that first time, he probably would never have asked her to come here.
And yet now that she saw the room and knew Tom wasn’t alone in the room, the fact that she was meeting him here was even more suspicious. What else did I miss before leaving town?
A loud clatter of dishes behind her startled her. She turned to find Tom in the kitchen doorway with plates and silverware from the dining room. His hat was off and his hair was damp with sweat. The smell of cooking meat wafted over to her as he crossed the room. “It’s almost ready,” he said.
“I can see that.” She took in his dusty shirt and sleeves. He seemed to be wearing the same clothes as the night before, but now he wore a pair of black gloves that went up to the elbows. He stopped in front of the fireplace and looked back at her.
Her stomach knotted at the sight of him. She couldn’t believe he could still turn her knees to jelly. And it wasn’t just his appearance; there was something different about him too. There was an air of authority about him. It was no longer the carefree boy who had always called her “little lady,” but a man who made her heart race and her breath catch in her throat. “Tom, what is this?”
He leaned down to the hearth. The flames hissed with the sudden movement. “I’m afraid I forgot the marshmallows.”
“What’s going on here?” She took in his thin face and hands, covered with soot and grease. The cook let out a loud guffaw. “You’ve been busy,” she said. “But where’s the roast?”
“Oh, I’ll get it now.” He ran a hand across his head. “Sorry about that.” The cook waved away the apology.
She waited until he left the kitchen and then turned to Tom. “What are you doing here?”
“Meeting you, obviously.” He walked over and placed a large plate in front of her with a thick slice of meat that dripped fat and juices.
“I don’t understand.” She took a bite. It tasted wonderful.
“There’s a problem with my horse, and I’ve spent all day working on it.”
She stopped eating. “My horse? Why didn’t you say something last night?” She could have taken care of it herself if she’d known.
Tom smiled as he took a drink of water from his glass. “I’m sorry. You were asleep. But you must be tired because I’ve already had two cups of coffee before I got up.”
“How can you have two cups?” She glared at him. “You haven’t been up this long.”
“That’s right.” He raised an eyebrow. “I’m just as surprised to find you here as you are to find me. And I would be even more shocked if you found it strange that a woman was hired to help with the ranch chores.”
She put down her fork. “I’m not sure I like the tone in your voice when you talk about me and work.”
“Don’t you think it’s time for someone to teach you some practical skills?” he said. “You’re far too young to be going off gallivanting around the country all alone. What if you get into trouble again? You know how to ride and shoot, but I don’t see you doing any cooking or cleaning around here.”
He’s a real charmer! How could I have believed his story about meeting her here? Now she understood why he had wanted to meet her here; this wasn’t some clandestine affair.
She didn’t say anything as Tom moved over to the sideboard and poured another glass of water for himself. “I’m only asking you to learn these things so we can work together. My horse is one of our best ranch hands. Don’t you think it would be better if he could return to work rather than sitting on the shelf in the barn? And you’re the only person I know who has the talent and skill to heal a horse.”
He didn’t have to say anymore. The answer was obvious. Her horse had been injured and needed to be cared for until he healed. It was as simple as that. Still, she hesitated.
“What are you thinking?”
She shook her head and pushed away from the table. She looked at him from across the room, trying to decide what to do now. If she went back to town now she would be late for her appointment with her lawyer. And there was no telling how long it would take her to get the marshmallows ready.
Tom watched as she left the kitchen. He picked up his plate, but put it down again and stared at his glass of water. The man she’d hired as a cook knew she was coming, which meant there were two more people on her trail.
That also meant there was a good chance the marshmallows she made were being sold somewhere else too. He wanted to go after her and warn her, but he couldn’t risk his life, especially since he wasn’t sure why the marshmallows were such a problem.
The thought of someone profiting from her work irritated him. And yet he wasn’t willing to give up either, not when it meant keeping her safe. But first he needed to keep her from making a mess in the kitchen.
***
After leaving Tom, Emma walked back into the dining room. She found the marshmallow dish empty and ran to the kitchen. “What’s going on in here?”
The cook gave her a dirty look. “I told you not to leave your chair.”
“Sorry,” she said. She turned to Tom and frowned. “What did you do with my marshmallows?”
“They’re not all gone.” The cook set out another pan.
“I was only gone a few minutes!”
Tom smiled as he took his seat at the table. He picked up a fork and pointed to the marshmallows. “Don’t tell me you can’t cook.”
She glared at the marshmallows. “Fine.” She threw the pan down and stomped out of the room.
“I think she needs some time alone to get her mind off what happened last night.”
Emma stopped by the stove and leaned over to inspect the pot of hot water that had just been removed. She grabbed an apple pie to go along with the marshmallows as she walked back into the dining room. “That’s a terrible way to make friends, you know.” She handed Tom a slice of the pie and took one for herself.
He shrugged. “It’s good enough for a first date.”
“What makes you think we’re dating?”
“You asked me here to show me around the ranch. We already sat down and ate breakfast together. And now it’s time to get our hands dirty. Why else would a young woman bring a cook along on a first date? Don’t you agree?” He picked up the marshmallows, but didn’t offer her one.
“It was not my intention to come out here on a date.”
“Then why did you invite me to dinner?”
“Because I thought your cooking skills were going to impress me,” she said. She looked at the floor and frowned. “You weren’t impressed.”
“Well, the food was fine. Just don’t expect me to say anything nice about it.”
“Why are you so angry?”
“I’m not angry; it’s just that if you want to spend any amount of time in a kitchen with me you’ll have to learn some culinary skills. If you’d rather just eat out every night that’s perfectly fine, but when you cook for someone else, you can’t expect them to be happy with bland food. You have to do the best you can with what you have. It’s as simple as that.”
“As simple as that.” She picked up a fork and cut off a piece of the apple pie. “I could never cook for myself. I tried, but I just couldn’t.”
He laughed. “Then you might need to consider moving out of this house before you kill someone.”
She stopped eating and stared at him. He seemed completely different from the man who sat across from her, the one who didn’t know how to talk about himself or his feelings. Now he looked like a normal person, and she wondered what he would look like when they went riding later today. She could tell the man in front of her cared about her, even if he didn’t talk much about himself.
He had only said two words all morning and yet his smile told her everything. He wanted to spend more time with her and was hoping to convince her to come along with him when he rode the mares back home. And while she wasn’t sure she should give him the chance, she couldn’t resist his offer.
He glanced at the apple pie and frowned. “Maybe we should wait to go out riding until after lunch. There’s nothing worse than having to stop in the middle of a ride to get something to eat.”
“Do you think I’m going to ruin your horses? Don’t worry, you won’t have to turn them out to graze.”
He raised his brows, clearly surprised by her knowledge of horse care, then reached for his glass of water. “I like my marshmallows. I’m not sure why you got rid of the rest.”
“They were too sticky and had gone hard on the bottom. You wouldn’t have been able to get them off your spoon.” She picked up a fork and ate a marshmallow. The sweetness soothed her anger and helped her relax enough to laugh. “It was a good thing you left those marshmallows alone.”
***
When Emma and Tom went for their first ride together, he led his horse past the barn and right into the woods. They followed an old dirt road that cut through the dense forest. He pointed out pine trees, oak trees and maples. As they rode along, she asked him about his family, his siblings and his father.
“There’s just the two of us.”
She thought of his father as a gruff, short man, but he was more than that. He loved his son very much. “How old are your brothers?”
“Seth is nine, and Aaron is seven.”
“Are you close?”
“Aaron is too little to play with his big brother, so Seth spends most of his time at the ranch when we’re there. I think they like it better than school.”
“School?”
He smiled. “It’s just one of those things kids have to do these days. It keeps them occupied.”
“So, what’s your favorite subject?”
“English. I love reading books from all over the world.”
“Is that something you learned in school?”
“No, I read every day. We live near enough to the city that there are plenty of used book stores. Why? Don’t tell me you never read.”
“I did before the fire,” she said. “I guess I never got back into the habit of reading, since my eyesight started getting worse. Besides, I didn’t have any good books to read anymore. No wonder your father doesn’t like to take you to town.” She glanced up at him as they rode along the dirt road. “What do you think of me now? Not so strange after all?”
His gaze shifted from her face to his horse. “You seem like a very nice woman, but you know this isn’t going to be easy.”
“I don’t need this to be easy; I only want you to help me. That’s all.”
“Then you should learn to ride.” He smiled. “Once you’ve mastered it, we can go out and explore some more.”
***
When Tom’s mother came out to see if they had made it back safely, she was surprised to find the house empty and Emma’s horse grazing in the yard. His father came out soon after.
“I saw the horses were out, but where’s Miss Emma?” Mrs. Gray asked. “Did you take her back home?”
“We went riding this morning,” he said. “She seems to enjoy it. It’s hard for me to keep track of her when I’m trying to tend to the animals.”
His mother turned to Tom with a frown. “There’s something funny about your friend.”
“Why is that?”
“Her eyes are very bad.”
“No, they aren’t.”
“Yes, there is. And you know how I feel about your friends. What do you think happened to your brother last night?”
“Nothing. Maybe she’s just an old woman, or maybe she’s not. You’re just worried she’ll cause trouble and start trouble between us.”
“It’s a sad thing, your wanting to be rid of any woman who might bring you harm.” She stood tall and looked down at him. “Don’t ever accuse me of not looking after my family again. That’s between your wife and me.”
“You’re not my wife, Mother.” He strode away from the house, then paused and glanced over his shoulder. “Do you remember when you asked me if I loved her?”
“Of course I do. She’s the reason I put you in jail.”
He chuckled. “That wasn’t her fault.”
“Your father and I didn’t want to make your life difficult by sending you to prison, so we told you to marry her.”
“I married her, and now I’m asking you to leave Emma alone. Do you understand?”
“No, Tom.”
“Because she doesn’t belong here, and I don’t want her here. I came to say good-bye, because there’s no way I can stay.”
His mother turned away from him and walked into the house.
***
When they stopped for lunch at a creek, she saw Tom had prepared a picnic lunch, but he was more interested in feeding the horses than eating himself. When she went to help him, she found that one of his saddlebags held only sandwiches and cookies. The other contained some of the food she’d brought along.
After a leisurely meal, they rode on toward their next stop. She would have preferred to ride farther south, since it seemed much warmer there, but the mountains were still snow-covered. They’d reach them sooner or later. “The weather is starting to warm up,” she said.
“I think the worst of it will be over by spring.”
“Are there many wild animals around here?”
“Just bears and mountain lions.”
“Where’s your brother?”
“At school. He’s been enrolled in the state university this year.”
She eyed him curiously, not knowing if his interest in school was because he thought it would improve his future, or because his mother wanted him to get out of the ranch as soon as possible. “How is your father these days? He was very sick last winter.”
“He’s fine now. The doctor says his heart has healed itself.”
That was encouraging news. She had noticed how thin he looked when she first came here, so she didn’t know what had been wrong with him. It seemed his mother was just like her father; she would never tell Tom about her health problems.
As they rode along the river, he took her hand and stopped the horse. She looked up at him.
“Your eyes are looking better today,” he said, studying her face intently. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
Her cheeks reddened. He was such a sweet man. She didn’t want him to feel sorry for her; he didn’t need any more worries.
“Thank you, but I don’t think we should get too close to each other. You’ve told me that we can’t stay together.”
He gazed into her eyes. “You don’t mean to tell me your husband won’t let you come home.”
“No, but my husband might think we’re having an affair if he found out.”
“I’ll talk to him.”
She grinned. “And I’d like to ask him to marry you and adopt me, since he has no idea I exist. We could have the ceremony while I’m on my way back here.”
“Oh, dear. There goes the poor boy’s heart.”
“We’re both free now, aren’t we? I suppose we could make a life in your town. The ranch would be yours, and I could start a school or something.”
“I doubt that will work.”
“Why not?”
“There’s nothing much here, except a small store and a few saloons. And there’s not enough work for two families. I’m sure the women would complain about a teacher, and there are already more than enough saloon girls in your town. Don’t worry; I don’t intend to do anything like that. I’ve just been thinking of what it would be like for us to live together.”
“I’m not sure how it will work.”
“We could be married before I leave.”
“Do you have a license?”
“We could get one here.” He opened his saddlebag, pulled out a pocket watch, and checked the time. “It’s getting late. How about we ride on another mile?”
When they reached a clearing near a steep bank, she saw Tom dismount. After he loosened the buckles on their saddles, he held his hand out to help her down. When she climbed off the horse, he went ahead of her and brought them each a glass of water.
While they drank their cool refreshment, he untied the sack containing his lunch, then handed her hers. “My treat this time,” he said. She dug into the basket and found a sandwich with an apple, some potato salad and pickle relish, a wedge of cheese wrapped in waxed paper, and two chocolate-chip cookies.
“What is this?” she asked.
“I packed our lunches last night. I hope you like it.”
She’d never had a picnic before; she wasn’t sure what to expect. So far she didn’t like it. They were alone in the wilderness, so they shouldn’t need to be quiet, but he seemed to want to whisper most of the time. And she knew nothing about horses or how to take care of them, so she couldn’t even talk to him as easily as she did when they were at the ranch.
She ate a few bites of lunch. He was right; he packed good food. But she couldn’t imagine eating any more.
They took the rest of the lunch out of the basket and put the rest away. Tom stopped to look at a big, sturdy tree. He ran his fingers over the bark, then reached down and picked up a small piece of bark.
“You’re just like a child,” he said, holding the piece of bark up to the light so that she could see the texture better. “A bit clumsy, but very curious.”
He handed the bark to her. As she touched it, she felt a shock run through her, like an electric current. The bark was warm against her palm and it felt smooth; there didn’t seem to be any rough spots. “This is a maple leaf,” she said, wondering what else was in the tree.
She stared down at the bark and tried to imagine how it would look if she stripped off a layer of skin from her hand, then peeled away the outer layers until she reached the inner layer. It would have the same smooth, brownish-yellow color with an edge that was thicker and slightly wavy. A new one would not grow on top of that. The outside layer had the softest texture of all.
The End