When You Are Dreaming With A Broken Heart
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When you are dreaming with a broken heart,
It is hard to sleep and it’s easy to cry.
When you’re thinking of the one who left you,
You feel so much pain when you close your eyes.
When you wake up in the morning, you don’t want to see the light,
And you think about how it all went wrong.
Your life will never be the same again,
Until you find someone else who can love you.
***
The day was clear and warm and the wind blew softly, blowing my hair across my face. I liked that; it helped me remember what this place had been like before the war. I smiled as I looked up at the bright blue sky, remembering how the sun had shone on my skin and warmed my face.
“Hey,” a voice said from behind me. “Do you mind if I sit here?”
I turned around to see a man sitting on the grass beside me. He was young, maybe twenty-five or thirty, and he wore a green t-shirt with jeans. His dark brown hair fell down his back and his eyes were bright and curious.
“It’s okay,” I said, smiling. “I didn’t mean to intrude.”
He nodded, then began to rummage through his bag. He pulled out a notebook and a pen, which he quickly put away, and then he pulled out a small silver box. It was old and worn, but it still held its shine. He opened it to reveal a necklace inside.
“What is this?” I asked.
“A gift,” he said, setting the box on the ground. “From my father.”
I looked at the necklace. It was made of gold, with a single large red ruby on it. “It’s beautiful,” I said.
“Thank you,” he said. “I don’t wear it much, though. Not since my mother died.”
I nodded, thinking of how many years I’d been without my mother. She had passed away when I was just a baby, and my father hadn’t been able to hold on to the family home after that. We had moved into a smaller house, and now we lived in an apartment.
“You know,” he said, “I’ve always thought this place would be nice for a picnic.”
I laughed. “Come on then,” I said, standing up. “Let’s go!”
We walked up the hill, stepping over the roots of trees that had long since fallen. The grass was dry and yellowed, but it felt good to stretch my legs after all these years. The sky was so blue; the only thing that marred the view was the ugly gray building behind us.
The man caught up with me. “This is where it happened,” he said. “You can still see the blood stains on the grass.”
I stopped walking. “What?”
“It’s okay,” he said, catching up to me. “I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but I need to say something before we go any further.”
“What is it?” I asked, my voice shaking.
“It was just a few months ago,” he said, “but it feels like it’s been forever. My mom had come to visit me for the weekend. She had a heart attack while she was here and died in the hospital. I had to move back home and live with my father. I haven’t been able to leave since.”
“Oh, God,” I said, feeling his pain. “I’m so sorry.”
He nodded. “Thank you. I guess I never told anyone. It’s been hard.”
“Why not?” I asked. “There are plenty of people who can help you.”
“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s just … I don’t want to bother them.”
“What if they could help you?” I asked. “If you just tried?”
“They’re too busy,” he said, his voice thick with tears. “And besides, I don’t want to be a burden.”
“That’s not true,” I said. “You aren’t a burden at all. You’re going to find someone who will love you, and you’ll have your own family someday.”
“I hope so,” he said, looking down. “I wish I hadn’t lost her, though. I wish I could have held her one last time.”
“You didn’t lose her,” I said, pulling him into a hug. “She was always there, even when you couldn’t see her. She was just waiting until you were ready to let her in.”
“I’m not sure I am,” he said, shaking his head.
“Look at me,” I said, holding his gaze. “I understand what you’re going through. My mother passed away when I was young, and my father had a hard time after that. He was bitter and angry, but he never let it stop him from living. If you let this stop you, you’ll be letting her down.”
“I know,” he said, nodding. “It’s just been so long. I feel like I’ve forgotten how to live.”
“I think you’ve been trying to forget,” I said. “But you can’t go on living like that. You need to keep moving forward, or you’ll be stuck in the past forever.”
“I think I’m ready,” he said, smiling. “Let’s get this picnic started.”
We walked up to the building. It was so much bigger than I remembered. The lawn was overgrown, and the windows were covered with garbage. It looked abandoned.
“What is this place?” I asked.
“It used to be a school,” he said. “The children of the neighborhood went here. We were just about to start a new year when we found out that there had been a fire. They couldn’t save any of the kids. That was what really broke my father down. He never recovered from it.”
“Why is it called the Green House?” I asked.
“No one knows,” he said. “We always used to call it that because it was so green and beautiful. It was such a wonderful place to grow up, but now it’s falling apart.”
I could see where he was coming from. The Green House had once been a safe haven for all the children in the neighborhood, but now it was just an ugly reminder of tragedy.
“Come on,” I said, leading him back down the hill. “I know something we can do to make things better.”
***
When we got back to the house, we carried our lunch inside. I was starving, and the food tasted so good. It wasn’t fancy, but it was home-cooked, and that was what I needed. After we finished eating, we walked around the house, looking at the old photographs.
“Do you remember when we were little?” I asked. “You used to pick me up and carry me around like this.”
He smiled. “I loved doing that.”
“And then we’d fight over who got to hold the baby,” I said, holding up a picture of two young boys.
“That was the first time I saw your mom,” he said. “She was so beautiful.”
“You were too,” I said, smiling. “Look at us. We were so small.”
“We sure have changed,” he said, shaking his head.
“Yeah,” I said, reaching out to touch his cheek. “You’re still the same wonderful man you’ve always been.”
“You don’t think I’m a loser anymore?” he asked, looking away.
“I don’t think you’re a loser,” I said. “I think you’re brave, and you’re trying to make the best of a bad situation. You need to let someone help you, though. That’s why I’m here. I want to be your friend. I’ll listen to you, and I’ll never judge you.”
“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head. “You might not like what you hear.”
“Then I’ll just keep listening,” I said, wrapping my arms around him. “But I promise I won’t ever stop being your friend.”
“Okay,” he said, pulling me into a hug. “I’m ready to talk now. Tell me about yourself.”
“There isn’t much to tell,” I said. “I’m an ordinary girl who had an ordinary life. I lived with my mother and father, and I went to school.”
“What was your favorite subject?” he asked.
“Reading,” I said, smiling. “I was always a bookworm. I loved to read, and I always wanted to be a librarian.”
“Really?” he said. “Why didn’t you become one?”
“I fell in love,” I said. “A boy from the neighborhood. He was the only boy I ever kissed, but we grew up together. He was a sweetheart. We were supposed to get married, but he died in a car accident when he was twenty-one.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t know.”
“It happened years ago,” I said. “That’s why I moved to New York. I needed a fresh start. I thought I could live on my own, and maybe I would meet someone new.”
“So you came here,” he said. “Did you find anyone?”
“Not really,” I said. “I had a few dates, but they never worked out. I guess I wasn’t good enough for them. I tried to stay positive, but it was hard. I kept thinking about how things used to be. I missed the old days so much. Then I met you. I couldn’t believe that you were actually here, in this house.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I should have told you sooner. I’ve been too embarrassed to say anything.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I said. “You didn’t know what I was going through. I think it’s wonderful that you’re here.”
“I’m not sure where we go from here,” he said. “I don’t even know if we can be friends.”
“We’ll figure it out,” I said. “One step at a time.”
“Do you want to try going to the Green House?” he asked. “I need to get out of this house. I hate being cooped up.”
“I’m ready,” I said. “Let’s do it.”
***
When we got back to the house, I showed him my bedroom. He pulled off his shoes and lay down on the bed.
“You can use my room,” I said. “I promise I won’t bother you.”
“I’m okay,” he said. “I just need to rest. It’s been a long day.”
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll go downstairs. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“Thank you,” he said. “It means a lot to me.”
“I’m here for you,” I said. “Whatever you need, I’m here.”
“I know,” he said. “I just need some time. I’m so confused.”
“Then let’s take our time,” I said. “I’ll help you figure it all out.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I’m here for you,” I said. “Remember that.”
“I’ll remember,” he said. “I love you, Nikki.”
“I love you too,” I said. “Now go to sleep.”
He kissed me on the forehead, and then he rolled over onto his side. I watched him drift off to sleep, and then I went downstairs.
“I’m going to watch TV,” I said. “Do you want to come down?”
“No,” he said. “I don’t want to wake you.”
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll be in the kitchen. If you need anything, just shout.”
I put on an old movie and then went to the kitchen. I was making popcorn when he came downstairs. He pulled a chair up to the counter, and we talked while I made us some popcorn.
“You’re good at this,” he said. “Making popcorn is really fun.”
“I guess you never had it before,” I said. “But I like to make it for you.”
“It’s delicious,” he said. “I used to have popcorn at the movies with my parents.”
“I used to go to the movies every week,” I said. “I loved them. I always wanted to be an actress.”
“Really?” he said. “Did you ever think about acting?”
“Not really,” I said. “I always wanted to be a librarian.”
“That’s so cool,” he said. “I bet you would have been great.”
“Maybe,” I said. “I never thought about it. I never really did anything. I didn’t try any of those things I always wanted to do.”
“I bet you could have,” he said. “If you tried, you might have been great.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I was afraid to try. I guess I was afraid of failing.”
“That’s why I didn’t go to college,” he said. “I was afraid I wouldn’t get in. I was afraid of being embarrassed.”
“You were so smart,” I said. “I’m sure you would have done fine.”
“I guess,” he said. “But I’m not worried about it anymore. I just want to enjoy life. I don’t need to worry about all that stuff.”
“You’ll be able to do whatever you want,” I said. “We can figure out what you want to do later.”
“I want to live with you,” he said. “I’m tired of living alone. I’d rather be with you than by myself.”
“I’d love that,” I said. “Let’s get married.”
“Yes!” he said. “I’m ready if you are.”
“I’ve never been married,” I said. “But I think we should.”
“What about your family?” he asked. “They don’t know you’re gay, do they?”
“No,” I said. “And I’m not going to tell them. We can keep it a secret. Then you won’t have to worry about them hating you.”
“That’s good,” he said. “I don’t want them to hate me. They don’t know how much I love you.”
“I know,” I said. “I feel the same way.”
“So when do we get married?” he asked. “When should I ask for your hand?”
“Why don’t you ask tomorrow?” I said. “Then we can plan our wedding.”
“I’ll ask tomorrow,” he said. “I want to marry you as soon as possible.”
“As soon as possible,” I agreed. “Let’s do it.”
“I’ll ask tomorrow,” he said. “I’m going to work on my proposal tonight.”
“Okay,” I said. “Do you want to watch a movie? Or are you too excited to sleep?”
“I’m excited, but I need to finish this thing,” he said. “I want to surprise you with it.”
“You better not,” I said. “But I can’t wait to see what you come up with.”
“I’m going to bed,” he said. “Good night.”
The End