Two Proud Uncles Singing to the Beat

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Chantal Sparkle was thinking about Charlotte Connor again. Charlotte was a peculiar ogre with brunette warts and squat eyelashes.

Chantal walked over to the window and reflected on her pretty surroundings. She had always loved backward Manchester with its zany, zealous zoos. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel sad.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the peculiar figure of Charlotte Connor.

Chantal gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a generous, tight-fisted, brandy drinker with curvy warts and skinny eyelashes. Her friends saw her as a creepy, colossal coward. Once, she had even jumped into a river and saved a nutritious kitten.

Charlotte ran up an invisible ladder from heaven above (which looked remarkably like London) carrying a glass cage made out of lead.

This contained Chantal’s favorite unicorn who would usually have been standing by his trough outside the local zoo enjoying some mint chocolates but now it seemed he couldn’t because Charlotte wasn’t letting him eat anything anymore—probably not wanting any more nightmares caused when people went off their food after being abducted by an ogress, although unicorns were a little hard to put on toast so maybe that part was just a lie for rating’s sake.

As soon as they got close enough, Chantal realized how thin Charlotte really was. How could you be expected to carry someone without eating? No wonder she liked drinking alcohol; no calories there!

The pair passed through clouds full of stars and arrived inside Chantal’s mind where the three main roads intersected. A brilliant white light came pouring down onto her face and neck. Suddenly she remembered all of those times she had said nasty things to people instead of doing nice stuff for them which brought back another memory… one of those funny nights in her clubhouse when she hadn’t turned up wearing socks.

Those kinds of moments make your feet awfully hot so people always turn to water for relief, meaning that she’d have drowned if Charlotte wasn’t a pal. Then there were the times she wasted money on books instead of sharing those good feelings with others.

Finally, the time she didn’t offer help at school because of shyness – such an obvious error. There was nothing wrong with turning up late; it can sometimes mean great things happen later once you arrive!

The important thing is how many bad habits does anyone have before it becomes a habit?! Nowadays, if I think too much about my imperfections I do tend to feel like joining the army or falling asleep! And yet here we are trying our very best to save the world from ending in ice crystals, isn’t life amazing?

“How did this come about?”

A cloud appeared next to Charlotte making her look even thinner and paler, “It started two days ago,” Charlotte admitted.

“‘Two days’…!” That reminded Chantal of that episode in Year One when she still wore nappies, “… What happened then? You’re a celebrity. Everyone knows about you.”

In front of the pair, a window opened. Inside, it was Christmas morning and the girls heard a voice calling from behind a tree:

‘Sooiee?’ they asked themselves in unison. In fact, Sophie was peeking around the corner smiling her adorable, innocent smile.

That moment must’ve taken forever for both of them as the kids ran toward each other screaming in delight.

While holding her breath in fear, Charlotte rushed into a mirror room while Chantal shouted:

‘Mum!’

They ended up discovering what lay inside, that being all four of Chantal’s daughters shouting ‘Hello Mumma’ before hugging her tightly. But unfortunately, she hadn’t used the bathroom and wet herself. Fortunately, however, Charlotte offered the perfect solution and turned the whole mess into slushy snow.

Her body was filled with dread whilst everyone else basked in fun-filled euphoria, not realizing the amount of shame in that scene… apart from one person: Miss Fingers. Well done, miss fingers; well played.

I knew I could count on you, she mumbled to the golden watch lying near her foot, giggling away merrily.

After the magic finished, they found themselves in front of a long bridge that was in the process of being built across the River Liffey. However, something strange had occurred; the construction work had stopped and there were no tools nearby to explain why.

They decided to investigate further. From afar they could see various wooden beams having disappeared, leaving only charred remains. Furthermore, over five thousand men had vanished—most were fishermen; most were from Killybegs.

Although Chantal had learned to swim quite early during her childhood, swimming across a deep river at night terrified her. All she could hear was the sound of rushing water and distant screams. Also, she didn’t trust these big buildings.

It was already scary knowing they weren’t exactly permanent, plus every time she opened a door, something weird kept happening. Nevertheless, the situation called for a hero to step forward and she wasn’t going to let embarrassment or a lack of experience stop her from saving lives! She leaped from the top floor.

However, as she began her freefall the ground suddenly felt fuzzy underfoot. Had she lost control and gone on some sort of bender?!

Suddenly the floor transformed into a gigantic rug that carried Chantal smoothly across the land below.

Chances are you’ll never need to jump from a tall building again since I’m taking responsibility for that… We just hope there won’t be any more accidents. It’d bring me so much joy to report you’re perfectly fine in bed but that’s not my job!

Charlotte reached the end of the rope and climbed the final few meters using both hands before grabbing the ring, causing it to tighten so her ankle wouldn’t slip out. Once she tied up the whole group, Chantal caught sight of herself.

Despite the recent events and sleepless nights spent worrying, she looked surprisingly calm. Plus everything seemed better than usual thanks to her golden friend who she believed would continue giving her strength day by day. Without wishing for things like miracles, sometimes asking God is a lot easier!

The gang walked down a hallway lit brightly with lamplight. Each wall depicted famous paintings featuring great stories of bravery and heroism including legends such as Samson, Hercules or Perseus. They soon came face to face with a giant statue of Sir Kay which stood proudly upon his throne; he stared disapprovingly through the eye holes in the mask.

The girls approached him and received permission to enter the next chamber: the Hall of Knights. Behind them sat an ominous and gargoyle-like knight guarding the way. He commanded their respect even though Chantal took time to admire his beautiful horse legs whilst pondering whether she could win a fight against one.

After entering, the girls saw a round table surrounded by chairs with large books placed strategically on its surface. Various knights talked to each other whilst sitting very respectfully along the length of the table.

Finally, after much waiting and anticipation, Charlotte burst forth—followed by Mr. Tipton, Arthur Dent, and George and Lennox Pacholek. To add salt to the wound, Captain James Blunt stepped off of a chair without showing signs of fatigue whatsoever whilst standing in front of the gang, addressing them straight away.

“This is where we have been spending all our time, creating solutions to your many questions…” At least he remembered them now! “Unfortunately we haven’t worked out how to solve yours yet,” said Blunt, flicking through the pages of a book entitled The Life and Times of Aeneas. “…However, if anyone can provide us with some assistance or advice, please do feel free!” he added. The captain then gave Charlotte, Chantal, and Sarah Jane an inquisitive look, noting they appeared somewhat peculiar compared to everyone around them.

Then again, what did one expect when meeting three women wearing elaborate dresses? Finally, Sarah Jane explained they must be angels sent here for a purpose. The group listened intently, intrigued by the thought of getting answers and being told they will soon leave this place behind.

Before the conversation could get interesting, however, someone knocked loudly on the door causing Charlotte to startle.

“Who dares disturb my guests?” demanded the voice, sounding like a combination between a disgruntled bear and an angry rat! Suddenly another person entered the room—a rather plump-looking man dressed smartly in blue armor, holding a lantern in hand.

With his pale skin, grey beard, and green eyes, he reminded the visitors of the troll-like creatures from Peter Pan. His name was Mayor Talbot; although Chantal noted he shouldn’t really be given any official title seeing as he was clearly not fully human.

Although at first glance the mayor seemed pleasant enough and rather nice too (if a little stern), the truth became apparent over time and they later discovered the true nature of those in power. No matter how friendly they may appear, people often conceal a dark side; be wary of every smile!

In his younger days, the mayor would sneak onto the stage during plays, put himself in front of a camera and ruin everything. Whether it meant the lighting crew ended up completely blind, accidentally dropped his jacket to the stage, or tripped and fell on top of him in mid-scene, he made sure everyone experienced some form of humiliation.

After moving to Blackpool, he joined a circus and continued tormenting artists by sabotaging costumes or hair pieces.

Sometimes the clowns’ paint rubbed off leaving them feeling naked, their hairpieces flew everywhere making it difficult to wear hats or wigs ever again and he used to stuff pies in children’s mouths, making the performers giggle uncontrollably.

Eventually, he grew bored of being ‘the funny guy’; performing comedy always failed and he hated putting on silly faces or costumes because no matter what he did, he just wasn’t good at faking laughter.

That was until he stumbled across an act involving acrobatics that also included illusion tricks; he decided to join them and immediately excelled at pretending to be anything or anybody under the sun.

His antics were simply farcical and downright amusing but never particularly dangerous unless you happened to work near him. Moreover, the mayor had developed a taste for adventure which fuelled his life passion for causing mischief, despite taking unnecessary risks whilst doing so.

It didn’t stop him from wanting to be feared and respected, however—just watch out if he decides to stand in front of you on a dark night wearing a silly outfit…

***

I love adventures—I live for them,” announced Chantal cheerfully before explaining she wished nothing more than to set foot once again outside into the real world. She recalled her fondest memory and tried to ignore the fact the gang was probably enjoying themselves back home, while she was stuck inside.

All these years have passed me by in this strange world,” sighed the young woman regretfully. “While I’ve been hiding here, I’m beginning to wonder about a lot of things; most importantly whether there are even dragons living in Britain or maybe somewhere else, perhaps in Russia!”

Chantal spotted herself staring longingly down at a map. Ignoring her desire to go traveling, Mr. Tipton warned her about getting lost, since the hotel and surroundings still looked largely similar. If anything, they actually got slightly worse since many more towns, castles, and buildings could be seen dotting the landscape!

Furthermore, the roads that should lead to specific places now disappeared entirely without warning. People started disappearing whilst driving their cars and others were reported missing within seconds of reaching certain destinations.

As a result, they eventually agreed it wouldn’t be wise for her to attempt such a thing and decided it might be best to visit some tourist attractions instead—there would surely be plenty in the local town!

The idea came after deciding where to spend the afternoon. Having investigated the surrounding area via Google Earth beforehand (in case Charlotte went walking alone), they all noticed numerous landmarks dotted around nearby towns and villages—each unique in their own right and deserving a trip!

One was an old manor house called Fairfield Hall—which according to public records belonged to William Rolt, a nineteenth-century Victorian writer who lived a short walk away. However, when speaking with a groundsman who claimed to have worked there throughout most of the twentieth century, the man explained things weren’t quite as straightforward!

First of all, he told the group it definitely wasn’t owned by Captain Rolt since he died four centuries ago. Secondly, it was almost certainly an inn originally constructed hundreds of years earlier although the original owners were unknown.

Finally, one of the gardeners he knew personally resided within and ran the place today, along with her family. Not only that but it currently served food to guests and visitors alike, most of whom rarely found their way inside!

The stranger insisted everyone needed to eat, even if they stayed on a regular basis. To say Mr. Tipton’s face lit up like a Christmas tree was an understatement. This provided Charlotte and Holly a perfect chance to catch up and for Chantal to mingle among locals and make new friends—something she lacked having spent decades alone.

Having experienced the past several hours first hand though, she urged anyone not to believe everything they saw either online or heard from people around town. A prime example of how easy it was to be deceived involved a famous building commonly known as Chester Castle.

Legend stated the castle had a huge tower housing various rooms including a museum displaying some rare artifacts worth seeing. Even better, this amazing building would be opened especially for tourists wishing to explore its wonders, every few months!

They could often stay overnight too, staying in luxurious suites with beautiful views looking out towards the sea. Holly declared it sounded great and begged everyone to get back together in order to visit whenever possible!

It seemed what should have been an educational experience turned into a superb day out, despite its potentially upsetting consequences…

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