Tired Of Being Strong
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The ranch house seemed a mile away from the place where I lay. The early morning sun was rising and was casting an eerie glow on the barns, corrals, and sheds that stretched as far as I could see. There were no more fences.
No more trees or brush or any kind of vegetation at all except for the sagebrush that grew in the high-desert country. The only thing that stood out in the near distance was the mountain ridges. It was so empty and desolate… so lonely. So barren.
I had just gotten to my feet when I heard the soft snorting of horses outside the corral. That made me think of what John’s father told him about killing a horse thief and then running away with his mare. And now John was gone.
He was supposed to be watching over the men. What would he do now? Did he really believe he could kill that man and then escape with his stolen horse? Or was it only wishful thinking?
“He will,” I said to myself, though my voice sounded weak. “That man can’t help but go straight back to jail.”
Yet even as I watched, John came walking slowly through the yard carrying one of the lanterns. A few moments later I saw the light shine behind him. Then I felt better because if John could do that much, he couldn’t have killed the man.
I wasn’t sure if John had the nerve or the ability. I just knew he needed to go back to town soon. If he didn’t, he would find himself in trouble again. The trouble he couldn’t get out of.
I went inside the house and got another blanket and threw it over my shoulders and then made my way back into the corral where I found John sitting on the ground next to a dead horse. It must have died from heartbreak because the poor animal had tears running down its cheeks.
John had also killed a horse and taken the saddle off his back. “Did you see this?” he asked, holding up a saddle.
“Yes…” My voice sounded far away as if my mind were far, far away too. “Did you find them all?”
“No.” He pointed at a place in the sky. “There was a woman up there. She dropped some kind of note. She wrote on the side of the barn with a piece of charcoal.” He held out his hand for me to read what was written. “She says she wants her baby back.”
I took the note and read: “A child is born unto thee. To the white mother, she must return.”
I put the note away and handed John the lantern. “Let’s get this horse ready so we can go home.” I took out the lantern and set it by the corral and then lit the candle that hung inside the lantern. Then I went to the big black stallion.
“This will be the last horse you steal from here. We’re going to run away today.” I paused a moment. “Did you know about these men? Did they threaten to kill you?”
He shook his head. “They tried but they didn’t succeed. They should’ve been dead before they even got to this place.” He leaned forward to reach under the saddle. “I can’t believe it. What happened?”
“It’s complicated,” I said. “You have to understand. This isn’t just stealing a few horses, John. This is about murder.”
“Murder?” His voice echoed off the corral. “What do you mean murder?”
“They are killing women… kidnapping them.” I sat down on a barrel and placed my hands against my face. “One of them is John’s mother.”
He jumped up. “How do you know?”
“I saw her face.” I looked at him as if he were crazy. “I’m sure there was no way anyone could ever forget a woman’s face.”
John reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. “Then that’s who John killed.”
“No, not exactly.” My hands gripped each other. “John was just protecting himself. You need to know that. He only wanted to survive. He couldn’t help it.”
“But you’re lying to me?” John asked.
“No…”
“Well, let’s get going. I can’t wait around here for them to come back.”
I got up and we hurried into the barn where I grabbed a blanket and laid it over the horse. We pulled the saddle off and then threw it down onto the floor. John held the lantern while I led the horse out of the stall and then opened the corral gate. Then John followed.
When we left the barn, I felt an ache in my stomach. It wasn’t easy leaving all of those horses behind, but I had no choice. And when I thought about what was ahead of us and if there were any more kidnappings and murders, I knew we couldn’t risk going back to the ranch house.
That would be too dangerous. The men were sure to come looking for the horses they lost. And now that John was gone, they would come after me.
It took us almost an hour to reach the town. By then the sun was setting, but I didn’t even notice. I was so concerned about getting home safely. In the darkness of night, we rode into the barnyard and found the two horses tied up and waiting.
I untied both horses from their posts and put one horse in the back of the buggy and the other in front. John drove the wagon, and I walked beside him holding onto the reins. As we walked in silence, I could only think about the terrible things I had done—the kidnapping, the murder, and the death of a horse. “Did you know about these men?” John asked me.
“Yes,” I said. “They tried to kill you.”
He stopped walking and looked at me. “How do you know this?”
“I saw their faces.” I had no idea why I was telling him this, but I didn’t want to leave John in the dark either.
“And I’m supposed to believe that?”
“You’re not a man who would believe everything you’re told.”
“Why? Because I’m a slave? It’s okay to lie to me?” His voice was harsh and filled with anger.
“No. You know nothing about slavery… or white men. But I’m telling you the truth. There were eight of them. They came out of nowhere. One grabbed your mother. She screamed. And then the men attacked her.” I pointed down the road. “There is where they left her body.”
We went inside the house. John lit the lantern. He held it in front of my face. “Do you see any marks on your neck?”
I touched my throat. “Just like there are on yours. That means they did this. This happened in the middle of the day when we weren’t even here. John, someone must’ve killed these men after they came to the ranch.” I reached over and touched his hand. “You were just protecting yourself. Just as I did. I can’t believe what happened. How could these men do something so horrible?”
“It was a terrible thing,” John said, “but maybe they’re dead. We’ll find out for sure tomorrow if anyone saw anything.”
***
That night, I couldn’t sleep. Every sound made me jump up and wonder if the kidnappers were coming back. When I thought about them, I imagined myself being dragged out into the street in front of my parents and then burned at the stake. They would hang me from a tree by my neck and leave me to die. And then they’d take the two men who died and throw them down the mines.
“What are you thinking about?” John asked me. He sat up and looked down at me. “Are you having nightmares again?”
“No, but I’m tired. I need some rest before I can sleep.”
John held out a hand to pull me closer. “Come on. Come over here. It will be okay. You’ll feel better when you’re lying next to me.”
I moved over and curled up beside him. The warmth of his body made me realize how cold my own was. I snuggled closer to John’s chest. He put his arm around my shoulders and then pulled me even closer. My thoughts turned to my mother and father. I had no idea where they were or if they were safe. “Why don’t we go back to the ranch house?” I said.
“We’ll have to be careful.”
“I can help.”
“How? We already know they’re looking for us. We can’t go back. Not yet.”
“But why not?”
“Because that would mean the men are dead. And if they’re dead, that means we’re next. They’ve come here looking for trouble. That means there’s more than just the two kidnappers.”
“But I can help,” I repeated. “You could hire me. And I would find your mother and father and bring them home.”
“A detective?” John’s eyes looked doubtful. “With what credentials?” He was quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry, Abby. This is hard for me to ask this of you. But I can’t afford to risk losing you too. You saw these men. I can’t take that chance. No matter how much I want to. So let’s leave town right now and never look back.”
“No!” I protested. “I want to help. Why did you take me in any way? It was a stupid idea, wasn’t it? We should’ve left you to die at that mine.”
“I wanted to save your life. And I think someone out there has a reason for you to stay alive. But I’m not going to lose you.” His voice became quiet and serious. “If you don’t like that, then maybe I need to reconsider my decision.”
I stared up at him. The concern in his eyes told me that he didn’t want to tell me the truth, but I would not let him stop me from doing something I felt so strongly about. “I’m staying.”
He sighed. “I wish you’d listen to me, Abby.”
“It will be okay. I’ll figure out something else. There must be a way I could get inside the mine.”
John shook his head. “You can’t do anything by yourself, and there’s no way you would ever get in. They guard it with a twenty-foot chain. It’s welded shut and there are signs warning visitors off.” He paused.
“And even if you did somehow manage to crawl through the chain, you couldn’t climb down a ladder in pitch darkness without falling. You have no idea how deep the shafts go or what kind of environment we’re dealing with.”
“Don’t worry. I will. And then I’ll bring your mother and father home.”
***
The following morning, John brought his men to the ranch. He gave them orders to find out who hired these kidnappers and where they were taking the two men. The men nodded and left. As soon as they did, I took my gun and went outside to watch the mine.
The sun rose higher and lit up the surrounding hills. A cool breeze drifted over me. The air was filled with birdsong. That’s when I heard them.
A group of four men came riding into town. They drove a large wagon pulled by a team of horses. Two of the men rode on horseback while two trailed behind the wagon. They walked through the streets, stopping here and there to talk with people.
Then the driver of the wagon stopped at an inn and asked the proprietor to give him a room for the night. He paid in gold and then he ordered breakfast.
I watched from the shadows, unable to believe what I saw. Was this the same gang that had come here looking for us? Were these men John’s hired killers? Did they know about the mine and that John and I were here?
They made their way across the street and headed straight to the stable. They let the driver and the horse off the wagon and led the horse to the stable. A moment later the man who seemed to be leading the men turned back toward the inn. He carried a short gun in his hand.
As soon as he reached the door, John appeared. His men were right behind him. He confronted the man outside the inn. “Is that your gun?” John demanded.
“Yes, sir.” The gunman looked nervous. He lifted the gun and showed it to John.
John pointed the barrel of his own revolver at him and then fired. The gunman fell to the ground.
The others charged into action. Two of them grabbed the driver. One man seized the reins while the other held the reins and pulled the horse around. The others crowded around the wagon. One man pulled a rope, and the wagon was driven right into the stable.
There were shouts and cursing coming from inside the barn. The gunmen didn’t seem to know what to do next. They looked at one another. Then they rushed out of the stable and ran toward a large barn close by. One man mounted his horse.
The four gunmen took off in different directions. I watched them ride out of town. I thought for sure that was the end of it. We’d leave that night. That was our only chance. I hoped we could find a way to sneak away in the middle of the night when the men guarding the mine were asleep.
But now there were six of us instead of just the two of us. And we would need to stay until they caught whoever hired them. I was so desperate to get my father and mother back that I almost forgot all about my promise not to help John. Now there was nothing for me to do but wait.
***
Two days passed. I came to realize that if this group of gunmen knew where to find the mine and who paid them for the job, then they would be watching it constantly. They couldn’t afford to let their quarry slip out of reach. And I had no doubt they would watch the mine long after we left town.
So the best thing for us to do was to remain here. It didn’t matter how much I hated it. I was going to do exactly as John told me to do. He didn’t want any more people hurt. His family and mine were the only ones he cared about.
So I decided I would wait until John was ready to leave, then I would slip out of the stable and go with him. The very last thing I wanted was to put the ranch in danger. But I couldn’t let the people I loved be harmed because of me.
On the third day, John returned from town. “Did you find anything?” I asked.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “The only information I could get was that two men were being held inside the mine.”
“Who are they?”
“They’re brothers. They own the mine. We tried to pay them to take us inside the mine, but they refused. They said they would have to consult their lawyer before agreeing to do anything. They weren’t interested in selling the mine. The only thing they cared about was that they get paid for what they’ve done.”
“Do they know anything about whoever hired them or where we could find that person?”
“No.” He sighed. “The brothers did say that they knew nothing about a man who paid them for this job. And we can’t even find out who they are. They have a right to their privacy.”
“Why do you think these gunmen came here? Do you think they actually found something or just wanted to look around?”
“Either way, it doesn’t matter now.” He hesitated, looking up at the sky. Then he spoke as if talking to himself. “We need to get John’s family out of this mine.”
“How are we going to do that?”
“First we’ll take out a contract on each of them. I’ll get the names of all six men involved. Once we know who we’re hunting, then we can plan how to eliminate them.”
“That won’t work.” I shook my head. “John, those men are only one day ahead of us.”
“They’ll be a good bit behind us after we leave, and we should be able to make it to town by nightfall. That’s plenty of time to catch up to them. And if we don’t kill any of them along the way, there will only be three left to deal with in the morning when we get there.”
I didn’t like that idea. “Let me ask you something. Why didn’t we bring the whole group of gunmen to town? If we had, wouldn’t we have been better off? You said yourself that these men aren’t exactly professionals. They would never have taken on six gunmen in a gunfight. We could’ve gotten away from them easily.”
“Yes, but if we had gone back to town, the other gunmen would have seen it on their way to the mine, and they would have sent someone else out to capture us. That would have put the ranch in jeopardy again. John, I think you’re missing the point here.”
“I am not. You want me to keep my promise to you so badly that you’re willing to endanger your family and mine. But why?” He sounded puzzled, and I thought for sure I knew what his answer would be.
“You know there is no one else who can take over my father’s ranch. We need to stay until we catch this group of gunmen. I’m doing this for both families—our families. And I promise you, our lives are going to be safe once we get to town.”
He looked as if he had said the right thing, but I had no doubt he was wrong. It wasn’t just me he worried about. The people of the ranch depended on him. There were nine children living at the ranch with their mother.
All the lives they had been taught to believe in John’s honesty and integrity. I realized that if John made any mistake that led to the loss of his family, then everyone would lose faith in him. If that happened, he wouldn’t be able to hold his family together anymore. No, we couldn’t allow that to happen.
“How much longer do you plan to search for these gunmen?”
“We’ll probably be in town by tomorrow or the next day,” he said. “That should give us plenty of time to get everything settled.”
“Why don’t we head to town today? Then we can catch up with them before they make it into town.”
“There’s nothing I want more than to see this job through,” he said. “But John, you told me you’re going back to the city. It’s a good three days ride back home. And this is the last day we have together.”
“You know what I mean. We’ve been apart for six months. Why don’t we spend this one day together? You need to take your wife out and show her some of the things you love about this land. Take her to dinner, show her around the ranch. Let her see how hard you work every day.”
His gaze held mine. “I didn’t say anything about taking my wife anywhere. I want to be with you. This is our last chance to be together like we used to be. Besides, if we don’t catch this group of gunmen, it could cause a lot of trouble for her in town.
She doesn’t have any friends here, and she doesn’t know anyone else. I think we should stay until we get them. It will be safe enough then. I promise. You know I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”
“John, I want you to come with me.”
He smiled at that. “So you do remember you’re married now.”
“You can be with me and still get your job done.”
His mouth quirked, but it was clear he knew how important this was. “What are you saying?”
“We can go back to the city together. We’ll hire a team of horses and put them on the trail. It shouldn’t take us long to catch up to these gunmen. And when we do, you can arrest them and bring them back to town.”
“And leave the ranch vulnerable again? No, I’m not going to take that chance.” He shook his head. “If we catch these gunmen, then there won’t be any reason for me to return home early.”
“Then what are you going to do? Just stay out here until they capture the other two gunmen?”
“That’s right,” he said. “We will catch them. That’s our only hope of getting back together. Otherwise, we’re just stuck out here.”
It was an interesting argument and one that made sense. But something told me John had already thought of his next move.
“We can make this work, John,” I said. “I think we’ve talked this through enough. Let’s start packing and be ready to head out as soon as possible. I’ll have my horse saddled and waiting by the door.”
I tried to sound more cheerful than I felt. I was actually looking forward to showing him some of the things I loved about being in the West. Maybe he would see that I really did love it here, and that I didn’t care if his job came first. It would be nice to finally share one thing with him that mattered to both of us.
The End