Swimming With Sharks
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The next morning, the sun was shining in a cloudless sky. The air had that crispness to it you only get when fall is just around the corner and summer’s heat has finally given way to autumnal chilliness.
It wasn’t exactly cold yet—it would be another week or two before Old Man Winter really settled into his winter coat with gusto—but there was no denying that this year’s first frost wouldn’t be far behind.
I could feel my breath steaming as I stepped outside of our house at the crack of dawn on a Sunday for breakfast. My mother always insisted we eat together every day; she said it helped us maintain some semblance of family unity during what were often difficult times.
Of course, since we’d been living under her roof ever since Dad died five years ago (and not once did Mom remarry), “difficult” might have meant something different from most people’s perspective…
But even so, eating dinner together still felt like an important ritual for me. And today was no exception: We sat down at the table right after finishing up our chores, which took about half an hour total thanks to how many animals we kept on our farm.
That included feeding them all their regular meals plus whatever extra food they needed if any one animal seemed particularly hungry or weak lately.
I’ve never thought much about why my mom made such a big deal out of having us sit down to dine together each night. Maybe because back home in Japan where she grew up, families used to gather regularly for tea time?
Or maybe it came more naturally than I realized, considering that both her parents lived until old age without ever getting divorced. Either way, though, sitting down to share a meal together every evening has become part of who I am now.
So while everyone else was already finished eating by the time I got downstairs, I stood patiently waiting for my turn to take a seat beside Mom. She smiled warmly as soon as she saw me standing there but then frowned slightly when she noticed the look on my face. “…What?”
“…Nothing,” I replied quickly. “Just thinking.”
Mom nodded knowingly. After all these years, she knew better than anyone that whenever I found me feeling troubled over anything, it usually boiled down to trying to figure out whether someone was genuinely being nice or simply acting friendly toward me solely for selfish reasons.
This particular question didn’t seem quite so simple, however… In fact, sometimes I wondered if perhaps the answer actually depended upon how well you understood your own heart. Still, I couldn’t help wondering: Was this person truly kind enough to want nothing more than to see me happy…?
Or was he just using me as a means to further his own agenda? Like, say, helping him achieve his dream of becoming famous someday through me? If that were true, then I guess I should probably thank whoever it was for giving me a chance to experience life beyond the confines of this small town.
Even if it ultimately proved to be too good to last, at least I’ll know that I accomplished something worthwhile along the way. Right?
At any rate, I decided I’d give Mr. Kowalski the benefit of the doubt for now. Sure, I hadn’t seen very much evidence thus far that he possessed genuine kindness and compassion, but I also figured those traits weren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, either.
Besides, despite everything, I was pretty sure this guy was sincere in wanting to make things work between us. He certainly showed plenty of enthusiasm for learning new skills, especially ones related to cooking! Which reminded me…
“Hey, Mom…” I asked hesitantly. “How come you never taught me how to cook anything besides rice balls?”
My mother looked surprised by my sudden question. Then again, she rarely expected me to ask questions anymore. Ever since moving here, I’d started treating her like a friend rather than a parent.
As such, I suppose it shouldn’t have been surprised that she assumed I was merely joking around instead of asking a serious question. But judging from the expression on her face, I think she must have sensed otherwise. A moment later, she sighed sadly.
“Oh, don’t worry about it, Takuro. You’re a grown man now. Why do you need to learn how to cook anyway? Just go ahead and buy yourself some frozen dinners!”
She laughed lightly, but I shook my head firmly. “No, I’m sorry, but I can’t afford that stuff. Not unless I start selling off some of our livestock. I mean, seriously, is there anything wrong with making your own food?!”
This statement earned me a few amused chuckles from my siblings. They clearly had no idea how hard it was for me to feed myself on a daily basis. The truth was, I only managed to scrape together enough money to purchase a single box of instant ramen noodles per month.
It cost less than three dollars, but I ate almost none of it. Instead, I saved the rest for emergencies, hoping against hope that somehow, someday, I’d get lucky enough to find a job somewhere. Of course, even if I did manage to land one eventually, I wouldn’t exactly have an endless supply of funds available to spend.
And so, after careful consideration, I always chose to save what little extra cash I could. That meant I ended up living on just two measly meals per day—one breakfast consisting of oatmeal mixed with hot water, plus dinner comprised entirely of rice balls.
No matter how hungry I felt, I refused to eat any other foods. My body needed nourishment, yes, but not the kind provided by junk food. At the same time, I hated wasting food, which left me in a constant state of frustration.
Eventually, I began searching online for recipes involving cheap ingredients. While most of them required expensive kitchen equipment, I finally stumbled across several websites featuring budget-friendly dishes. Most relied heavily on canned goods, but they still seemed worth a try.
Unfortunately, finding the time to prepare said dishes wasn’t easy, given that I spent nearly half my waking hours working as a farmhand during the daytime. Plus, once school let out for summer break, I took on another part-time gig doing landscaping work.
Between both jobs, I barely had any free time at all. So, when I went home each night, I made sure to take care of my chores first before preparing my evening meal. By the end of the week, I was exhausted, and my stomach hurt constantly. All because I wanted to avoid eating the same old boring stuff every single day.
Still, I kept trying. For whatever reason, I felt compelled to keep going. Maybe it was the thought of seeing my younger brother and sister grow up without ever knowing what real food tasted like. Or maybe I simply didn’t want to be known as the family member who couldn’t provide for his own basic needs.
Whatever the case may have been, I knew deep down inside that I would continue striving toward my goal until I succeeded or gave up. After all, I owed it to everyone back home.
***
After finishing lunch, we headed outside to tend to the animals. We were currently raising chickens, pigs, and cows, along with a variety of smaller critters including rabbits, sheep, goats, and more. In addition to providing meat for consumption, these creatures helped generate income through their sale as well.
On top of that, they served as important sources of fertilizer, too. There were many reasons why farming was considered essential to life in rural areas. Though I personally found the whole process tedious, I understood its importance. Still, tending to the various animals’ needs throughout the day proved exhausting.
Fortunately, I got paid for helping out, though it hardly amounted to a livable wage. If I really focused on saving money, however, perhaps one day I might actually be able to move away from this place…
I worked alongside my father, while my older brothers tended to the cattle. Since he was already quite experienced, Dad usually handled most tasks himself. He also had plenty of help from my oldest brother, who was responsible for overseeing everything else.
Despite being the eldest child, the guy was surprisingly good at managing things. Perhaps it came from having to deal with the entire household’s finances on a regular basis. Either way, I often wondered whether I should’ve taken over those responsibilities instead.
But then again, considering how much effort it took to maintain a proper ledger, I probably would’ve burned out long ago. Besides, I never liked dealing with numbers anyway.
My youngest sibling, Tama, meanwhile, wandered around playing with the dogs. She loved spending her days outdoors, especially since she hadn’t gone anywhere near a city yet. As far as I knew, the closest thing to civilization where we lived was a small village about thirty minutes away by car.
Aside from that, there weren’t any towns nearby, nor any roads leading into the surrounding countryside. Everything here was flat farmland stretching as far as the eye could see, which meant that getting lost was practically impossible. Even so, you could say our house stood out among the others thanks to the large garden located right next door.
The vegetable patch belonged to us, but my neighbor used it to grow herbs and flowers. Over the years, we’d gotten pretty close, and I occasionally borrowed some produce for cooking purposes. They also shared their excess harvest with us whenever possible, which allowed me to make use of fresh vegetables year-round. Not bad for someone living in such a remote location, huh?
As for the chickens and pigs, they were raised solely to sell off later. The only exception was the cow, who provided milk and cheese. That particular animal was owned by an elderly man named Mr. Yamada. My dad did business with him frequently and even hired him as a temporary worker when needed.
It turned out that the old geezer was a decent person after all. At least, compared to the other farmers in town. His wife passed away almost two decades earlier, leaving behind no children of her own. Thus, he decided to start taking care of stray cats and dogs.
Eventually, word spread among the locals, and now people brought all sorts of abandoned pets to his doorstep. Some of them looked healthy enough to live on their own, while others required constant attention. Regardless, he always managed to find homes for them. And if not, he either sold or ate the poor souls.
In return, he asked nothing in exchange except for a few coins per month. Considering how much trouble he saved us from handling all the extra mouths to feed, I figured it was fair. Plus, it made sense to let him raise livestock rather than doing it ourselves. After all, we barely had time to take care of our own animals!
“Hey, Kazuya!”
A familiar voice called out to me from across the field. “What’s up?” I replied.
It was Kaori. Ever since we first met, she’d come to visit every once in a while. Most recently, she stopped by just last week to invite me to go shopping with her. Unfortunately, I declined because I still wasn’t sure what kind of clothes to buy. Instead, I suggested that we meet back at home sometime soon.
For whatever reason, she seemed upset about that decision. Honestly speaking, I didn’t get it. What difference did it make whether I went or stayed put? Then again, maybe she wanted to hang out somewhere without my family knowing. Maybe she thought I wouldn’t approve of going to a club or something like that. Well, I guess I can understand her reasoning there, given how conservative everyone around here is…
But hey, I’m not opposed to trying new stuff. If anything, this might be the perfect chance to do so!
After putting down the rake, I headed toward the direction Kaori was calling from. Once I spotted her, I waved hello. A moment later, she caught sight of me and smiled brightly. Apparently, she felt better after talking to me. Good to know.
She walked over to join me. “Oh yeah…”
“Hmm?”
Kaori paused briefly before continuing. “…you’re really strong.”
Huh?! What does that mean exactly…?
Before I could ask, however, Kaori continued walking ahead. Damnit, why couldn’t she have said more? Was she referring to physical strength or something along those lines? Or perhaps she meant that I was able to handle myself well against enemies during training sessions?
In that case, I definitely agree wholeheartedly! However, I don’t think anyone has ever told me that before. Hmm…
Regardless, I followed her lead until we reached the edge of the forest. There, we found a spot surrounded by tall trees and bushes. We sat down together, then started chatting casually.
I learned that Kaori attended school in another prefecture. Her parents sent her there so she would learn proper Japanese manners, etiquette, and culture. Although she came back to spend summers with her relatives, she never returned permanently. This way, she avoided having to deal with the usual problems associated with growing up in rural Japan.
For example, she mentioned that boys tend to tease girls based on their appearances. Since she grew up in a big city, that sort of behavior simply doesn’t exist there. As long as you dress decently, nobody will bother you. Of course, she admitted that the same rule applies to men too.
But unlike women, guys are expected to act tough and confident. So instead of being teased mercilessly, they become bullies themselves. She explained further:
“You see, there aren’t many opportunities for young people to socialize outside of class. With most kids spending their days studying hard, there isn’t much else to do besides play video games. Many end up getting into fights with each other, and sometimes even resorting to violence.
You’ve probably heard stories about students injuring teachers or classmates alike. Even worse, some of them wind up killing one another.”
That sounds awful! How sickening! Now I feel bad for complaining whenever someone teases me. Guess I should count my blessings…
On top of everything, bullying victims often develop mental issues such as depression. Not surprisingly, suicide rates spike among these individuals. According to Kaori herself, several cases occurred within the past year alone.
Thankfully though, none of the incidents involved any students living nearby. They were all isolated tragedies, which is fortunate considering how close-knit communities usually are.
Still, it’s no wonder Kaori wants to avoid becoming part of that cycle. It must suck to grow up feeling inferior due to your looks. That’s why she prefers staying away from places where she’ll stand out. And if possible, she tries to keep her distance entirely.
As far as I knew, Kaori lived in an apartment complex near the center of town. The building itself looked fairly modern, but the surrounding area was relatively old-fashioned. Still, compared to the rest of the country, Nagoya seems pretty progressive when it comes to gender equality and LGBT rights. At least, that’s what I gathered from our conversation.
In fact, Kaori claimed that her hometown had been known as a “gay capital,” thanks to its large population of gay men. Apparently, the place was famous for hosting various pride parades and events throughout the year. Sadly, she hadn’t visited there yet. After hearing that, I decided to take her to Tokyo the next time we hung out.
The End