The Bitter End
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After they had left the ranch and traveled a good distance away from it, Jake turned to her. “We’re not going back,” he said bluntly.
“Why not?” she asked.
“I’ve been thinking about this all morning.” He didn’t say much else for quite some time as the horses walked along in silence. She waited patiently, trying to understand his point of view. What did it matter where they went? They’d reached their destination.
Why not stay there if that was what he wanted? Did he really want them to leave the ranch entirely? Was he worried that someone might try to hurt him again after seeing how badly she’d beaten him up?
Finally, he spoke quietly, so no one could hear him. “This isn’t our place anymore.”
Wasn’t our place? Had they lived at the ranch long enough now—almost three years—for it to become theirs? She wondered whether it had happened sooner than she thought it would have. Maybe they felt more like family to the ranch hands than they did outsiders.
He stopped abruptly and looked down at her. “It’s not your fault you were brought here against your will. You should never blame yourself for something that was done by others, but I’m sure those men who beat me last night knew exactly what they were doing. They wanted you to feel helpless before them.”
She nodded silently. There was no use arguing with him over it because he wouldn’t listen anyway. It was obvious that he blamed himself for everything bad that had ever happened to him and he always would, even when it was clear that he wasn’t responsible. So why should she try to convince him otherwise?
They continued on for another hour and finally came to a fork in the trail. Jake turned right while she took the left. They soon arrived at a small lake surrounded by trees and brush. She dismounted and led the horses across a wooden bridge to reach an open area of grassland around the shoreline.
She sat on the ground near the water and let out a sigh. She needed some time alone to think. But Jake pulled her down beside him instead.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked.
“Just things that have happened during these past few months. How we ended up here, what the future holds.” She paused. “How I’ve changed.”
“You haven’t changed,” he said adamantly. “But I wish you had.”
Did he really believe that or was he just trying to comfort her? “If I could change—” She shook her head and laughed. “That would be nice, but I can’t. Not completely anyway. And you know what? That’s probably a good thing. If I hadn’t met you, I would still be stuck in a city far away from this place. No doubt about it.” She paused. “Maybe that is something I should change.”
His lips curled into a smile. “And then, if we get married, you’ll be too busy for your other duties.”
“Probably,” she conceded with a shrug. “But what’s wrong with that? You know, most marriages end because women don’t put their careers first and neglect their husbands. It’s only natural for both spouses to want a little bit of personal time every once in a while.”
She heard his chuckle but couldn’t tell whether it was genuine laughter or simply the result of relief that she wasn’t going to give up her job any time soon. He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees, looking off toward the distant mountains. “So, what do you want to do?” he asked. “What are your plans?”
“I don’t know,” she said honestly.
“Do you want to keep working for the marshal? Maybe someday I could help you with cases. Or maybe you’d prefer to be a private detective like me. The pay would certainly be better.”
“I don’t think you need my help anymore,” she said. “Besides, there’s no way I could give up this job. What if we run into more trouble and I need to go undercover?”
He frowned. “What about me? Do you really expect me to quit riding herd and come work with you? We barely have enough money to live on. I don’t see how we could survive on your salary alone.”
“We’ll be fine,” she insisted. “There must be jobs in town that we can apply for, especially since I have connections. I’ll start making calls tomorrow and send out applications to the saloonkeepers and hoteliers. I bet we could find a job within two weeks or so.” She glanced over at him, hoping he would agree to this plan. But she was afraid it would disappoint him, which meant he wouldn’t agree to her proposal.
The next morning, Katie rode into town with her hat tucked under her arm. She walked through the streets until she found a small shop, then went inside and bought a couple of dresses for interviews. When she stepped outside again, Jake stood waiting for her beside the wagon.
He handed her a letter with the name and address of a woman named Lola who had worked as a cook for many years before retiring and opening her own restaurant. Apparently, she was willing to hire someone to fill in when she wasn’t able to prepare meals for her customers.
Katie didn’t hesitate to take the letter. It seemed like the perfect solution. After all, she had been cooking for her family since she was a girl, so this wouldn’t be much different.
Jake was quiet throughout the entire ride back to the ranch. She tried to make conversation but got no response from him. Instead, he stared straight ahead with his jaw clenched and his eyes trained on nothing in particular. It was as if she was invisible to him.
He refused to talk, except for one comment about finding her a new job. But even he sounded like he was talking through gritted teeth as he suggested she seek employment at the general store, the bakery, or the millinery shop. It didn’t matter where she applied or what type of work she did. All she would ever be is an outsider to him — and probably always would be.
They reached the barn without exchanging another word, which bothered her. She felt bad leaving him behind, but she knew it would be best to return home and not stay with him tonight. Besides, she had plenty of things to do before leaving for Denver.
Katie helped Tessa unload the wagon, then rode up to the house, tied her horse to the rail, and left the ranch through the side door. By the time she arrived at the front steps, her shoulders were already shaking with silent sobs.
The tears rolled down her cheeks freely now and she didn’t bother to wipe them away. With every step she took, she thought about how close she came to being shot by a gunman. Then she remembered how he’d kissed her, his mouth wet and warm on hers. It still burned her lips and made her feel flushed.
She wiped her tears away with the back of her hand, then turned the knob and entered the foyer. “Mom!” she cried out, unable to control herself anymore.
Marilyn was standing right there, looking confused, as though she’d just awakened from sleep. “Yes, dear?” she replied.
“Did you hear what happened yesterday afternoon? A man showed up while I was taking care of the horses and tried to shoot me.”
“That’s terrible! How awful,” Marilyn exclaimed. “How is he?”
“He’s fine,” she assured her mother. “I’m sure the marshal will handle the case very soon.” She paused briefly and took in a deep breath. “But what about you? Are you okay?”
“Me?” She looked puzzled. “Oh, yes, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“You look upset,” she said. “Have you been crying?”
Marilyn’s eyes widened and she touched her cheek tenderly as if trying to figure out what she was doing wrong. “Of course, I haven’t been crying,” she snapped. “I never cry.”
“It looks like you have.”
Her mother looked shocked, then angry. Her face reddened and her lips thinned as she began to protest. But before she could say anything, Katie walked toward her bedroom and went inside. Before long, her door shut softly with a click.
After Katie closed her bedroom door, she leaned against it with a sigh. That was the third time that Jake had tried to kill her since they met. And each time she almost died, only to be saved by some miracle. What was God trying to tell her?
***
Katie spent the next day going through her belongings, searching for things she might need in Denver. While she packed, she also prepared a meal and served it to her mother in their kitchen. It was as if the two women had never argued.
The first thing she put in her suitcase was her Bible. She carried her purse, which contained three silver dollars and a half-ounce of gold nuggets, as well as a few pieces of jewelry. After all, a woman traveling alone had no need for a large amount of cash.
The last item she placed in her bag was a letter from Jake that included his address. She didn’t expect to see him again after she left, but she wanted him to know exactly where she was going and why. He seemed to be keeping secrets from everyone except himself and maybe the marshal.
She wondered whether his behavior was because of something he had done that he didn’t want anyone to find out about or something that someone else found out and was blackmailing him over.
When she finished packing, she went downstairs and ate dinner with her mother, who told her more about Jake’s family history. She spoke about how he’d come here as a teenager, leaving behind his mother and siblings and his father who apparently died before Jake arrived in town.
His older brother Tom owned a farm near the ranch. Apparently, he and Jake weren’t close, which was strange given the fact that Jake was a farmer and Tom was an attorney.
“Tom isn’t much of a lawyer,” her mother explained. “He’s just good at arguing, that’s all.”
Katie smiled. “That’s funny. I always thought lawyers were supposed to be smart.”
Marilyn laughed. “No, dear. You’re thinking of a trial lawyer. But most lawyers just handle real estate closings and divorces.”
“So Jake has a little brother?”
“A big brother,” Marilyn corrected gently. “And he’s married and has children of his own.”
“Children?”
“Yes, Jake has twin girls. Two lovely little girls.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I met them during the church services last Sunday.”
Katie shook her head slowly, wondering if she was making any sense. Did that mean Jake had another daughter somewhere in Colorado?
“What’s the matter?” asked her mother, noticing the way Katie was frowning. “Don’t you approve?”
“Of Jake’s daughters? No, ma’am.” She hesitated for a moment before continuing. “I don’t think they’re Jake’s daughters. I think I saw them on his arm when he brought me home yesterday afternoon.”
“You did?” Her mother looked surprised. Then she chuckled. “Jake must have forgotten to mention his daughters to you.”
“Maybe.”
“Do you think he’s seeing one of them?”
“Who knows? Who cares?”
Marilyn gave her a quizzical look. “Does it bother you?”
She sighed. “Sometimes.”
“Why?”
“Because he hasn’t really been honest with you and me and now his daughters,” she answered quietly. “There’s no telling what else he has hidden away that we’ll find out later on down the road.”
***
Katie stood outside Jake’s house while he worked in his barn. He was busy moving some hay bales around and didn’t notice her until he glanced up and spotted her standing beside the front porch. He hurried toward her with his hands full of bale tops, which he dropped to the ground as he approached.
“Well, you’ve certainly grown,” he said as he came closer. His smile faded quickly when she refused to answer him.
“How is your sister?” she finally asked, staring past him at the barn wall.
“Very well.”
“And Mary?”
“Mary too.”
They walked inside, leaving the door open. “Is that why you invited me today?” she asked quietly once they reached his study. “To show off your family?”
Jake took his hat off, setting it on his desk. Then he turned to face her. “If you’re going to Denver, then I should probably go with you.”
“Go with me to Denver?”
“Yes, I’m not leaving the area without you,” he answered evenly. “We’ll ride together in my wagon. We might even stop along the way and visit with my sister and my nieces and nephews if we have time.”
“Stop along the way and visit with them?” She stared at him in disbelief. “After all these years of avoiding them?”
He nodded.
“Why would you do that?”
“Because I owe them something.”
“Owe them? They were never anything like a debt.”
“Then I’ll ask you one more time: Do you mind if we leave tomorrow morning?”
Katie shook her head, still unable to understand the sudden change in his attitude toward her. “No, I don’t mind. But I’m not traveling with you to Denver.”
“You are now,” he declared firmly.
“No.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No. I—”
“No!” he shouted suddenly, cutting her off. “You will not refuse to take me with you because you can’t accept a simple invitation.”
She looked at him curiously, noting the intensity of his stare, but before she could respond, a loud thud sounded from the hallway outside Jake’s office. When they both paused, the sound repeated.
It wasn’t the same sort of thump as when Jake and Tom threw the medicine ball against each other or when they’d thrown their weight into it during practice. It was louder than either of those two sounds. And longer. Much longer. The second thud ended almost at the same time that Jake yelled.
The third thud continued for several seconds, followed by three quick knocks.
Jake grabbed his gun from the table where he’d left it before going to his study. Then he turned to her. “Stay here with my mother. Don’t move.”
“But—”
“Don’t worry about me; just stay put.” As he started toward the hallway, she tried to stop him, but he pushed her aside before she had a chance to say another word. “Just get yourself back over to the house as fast as you can,” he added sternly, heading down the hallway.
“Where are you going?” she called after him in panic, but he ignored her as he opened the door and stepped outside. “Jake! What are you doing?” she called again, following behind him with her gun aimed through the doorway. He was already gone and out of sight before she got to him. “Jake, wait!” she cried.
When he didn’t listen, she ran out the front door, searching for him. After several minutes of running around trying to locate him, she finally spotted his dark brown horse saddled and waiting near the corral fence. She watched for a few seconds as he mounted his horse and rode south on the main road away from the farm.
What in the world is wrong with Jake? Why did he rush away so quickly? Did something happen back there with his family? Had someone come to his house unannounced? Maybe that was why she couldn’t hear what they were saying when she first knocked on his door.
It seemed unlikely to her, but she could think of only one thing that might have caused Jake to act so strangely. And she hadn’t even told him the entire truth yet.
“Come on!” she yelled at her horse, urging him to follow after Jake. She needed to warn him of her discovery. Then maybe she could find some way to fix things between them. She was still riding along the edge of the field when her horse suddenly slowed down and backed up, turning slightly.
“What’s wrong?” she wondered aloud, thinking that he might be afraid of one of the cattle grazing nearby. But as soon as she moved toward him, her horse reared. She lost her balance and tumbled to the ground.
As she lay there stunned and dazed for a moment, she heard horses approaching rapidly from the east. Then she saw the riders. Three men on horseback. One of them was wearing the uniform of a Union soldier.
***
I’ve been found,” she muttered under her breath, wondering if she should tell Jake that the Union soldiers had seen her. She didn’t want to give anyone an excuse to come closer and investigate further. So instead of yelling out a warning to Jake, she waited until they were almost upon her.
Then she scrambled up from where she’d landed on the ground and started moving south again to avoid being trapped in a trap.
“Halt!” the rider on the lead horse commanded as they galloped past her.
They weren’t alone. Other riders were coming behind them.
“We’ll take the prisoner alive,” the Union soldier added before he passed her.
That caught her attention. A prisoner? What did they mean by that? Was it possible that these men had come to capture Jake himself? Or perhaps they planned to take him back to camp to be questioned or tried. That certainly would explain his strange reaction to her visit this afternoon. If the Union soldiers knew he was wanted, they probably wouldn’t be eager to let him go free again.
After a short distance, the three riders broke off toward the northeast, leaving her alone with a feeling of dread. She kept going in the direction they’d traveled, staying clear of the main road, which would put her in the path of any pursuing pursuit.
By now it was growing late; the sun was well below the horizon. She’d been riding hard for hours. It was getting harder and harder to see, but she had no intention of stopping to rest or dismount. It wasn’t safe enough to stop for anything, not even a nap. So she forced herself on, riding slowly and carefully as she picked her way around boulders and trees.
She was about two miles away from the farm when she came across a lone man sitting on a log beside a spring-fed pool. “Hello there,” she said to him as soon as she recognized him. “Are you looking for Jake?”
The man looked surprised to see her. “Yes, ma’am.” When he rose to his feet, his surprise turned into recognition. “Mrs. O’Rourke?” He was tall and thin with reddish-blond hair. The only clothing he wore was a pair of baggy gray trousers.
“Is that right? I’m Mary Jane O’Rourke,” she answered, wondering why he would call himself “Mrs.” O’Rourke. He obviously hadn’t gotten married since he was a child, or so she assumed. “I’m a friend of Jake’s,” she added. “I’ve come here to talk to him about some business matters.”
“Jake never mentioned having any business interests,” the man replied. “Why don’t we ride on back to his house where he can help us better understand your situation?”
“He has no interest in business,” Mary Jane answered firmly. “And neither do you. You’re just trying to trick me into revealing the location of his property so you can steal it.”
The man’s face flushed red. “I will not! I would never—”
But Mary Jane cut him off. “How dare you accuse me of such a crime!” she snapped before she even realized that she was shouting at him. “You are nothing but a bully who thinks he can push people around. Don’t ever show your face near my place again if you know what’s good for you, you big baby.” Then she rode off without another word.
When she reached Jake’s house, she went inside to ask his mother and sister to wait in the parlor for a few minutes while she talked with him. As she walked through the front room, she glanced down at the floor and spotted an odd piece of jewelry.
It was a silver pin, shaped like a bird with a blue stone set in its head. Her fingers closed over it instinctively as she continued to search. There was something else under the piano, a bundle wrapped in paper. She pulled it free to discover it was a book. It was bound in black leather with gold tooling along the edges. On one end she found an engraving: “Sketches and Notes.”
She opened the book to look at the title page and stopped when she saw the author listed. “Mary Jane O’Rourke?” she mouthed to herself as she read the inscription written there. “Who wrote this?” she wondered aloud as she stared at it. And then she gasped. “It was Jake!”
His writing wasn’t fancy or beautiful, but the words spoke volumes to her. She could almost hear him reading aloud. His voice was deep and strong, but it sounded younger than she remembered from the last time he’d visited the ranch years ago. And yet it was him. She recognized every word and sentence, especially the part about her being “the most beautiful woman I have ever met.”
She was stunned by this unexpected discovery. But she couldn’t afford to let anyone find out. For one thing, she didn’t want his family to realize he was gone. They might worry too much, or worse—worse than worrying, she thought sadly. No matter how much the Union army needed food or other supplies, their concern for Jake would make them hesitate to send anything.
So she quickly hid the book in her saddlebag and took a seat to wait for him to return. It was nearly sunset; the only light came from a few windows on the east side of the house. She tried to imagine what Jake would be thinking as he rode toward her. Would he wonder if she’d found his book? Did he suspect she knew he was gone?
As she waited in the living room, her thoughts drifted back to that first night they’d shared together and the many nights since. The memories were bittersweet now. Their lovemaking had been passionate and sweet but also tinged with sadness because of what they both believed: It was wrong.
They had fallen asleep together, but in the morning, they hadn’t seen each other again. It was as if they’d both wanted to forget that moment. Neither of them felt free enough to admit it. So instead, she’d decided to keep their secret and continue her job as a nurse, but she never told Jake why she stayed away.
He simply assumed she didn’t want him to see her anymore. Or maybe she hadn’t known how to explain it.
That was seven months ago, but today she found herself hoping for another chance to tell him how she really felt, to say goodbye before he left.
Mary Jane heard a horse coming up the drive, and her heart sank when she saw that it belonged to the man from the town. “Oh, God!” she whispered as she rose to greet him. She was determined to act as if he meant nothing to her and hope that it worked until Jake returned home.
“Hello there,” the man said cheerfully. He smiled when she looked uncertainly at him. “I’m Jake’s friend, Sam.”
“Sam?” Mary Jane repeated as she stared at him. “But you’ve got the wrong person.”
A faint frown creased the man’s forehead as he studied her. “Are you sure?” he asked.
Mary Jane sighed. “We’re mistaken each other for someone else.”
“What’s your name, lady?”
“Jane.”
He nodded. “Okay, Jane, I’ll be seeing you again.” He turned to ride away, then stopped. “By the way, don’t bother looking for any of Jake’s letters at the post office. None of us knows where he is.”
The news hit her hard. Not only had Jake abandoned her once already, but now he’d done so again. It was cruel and selfish not to let her know that he wasn’t coming home, even though it might give her some comfort in the short term.
If she’d known sooner, she might have made a different decision about leaving. “Wait!” she called after him. “How can you write letters without an address?”
When she heard him laughing as he rode down the street, she closed her eyes and sank onto a chair in the front hall. She covered her face with her hands and cried for Jake. How could she have expected him to stay? He’d given her a second chance to tell him how she felt, and she’d missed her chance.
“You’re crying,” came a small voice from behind her shoulder.
She jumped and looked up to see the little girl from earlier who had been playing nearby. Her dark hair was tied back with a ribbon, and she wore a white dress that matched her complexion. She looked at Mary Jane with wide, brown eyes. “Are you sad?”
“Yes, I am,” she said through her tears. “Jake is going away and I won’t see him again.”
Her answer seemed to please the child because she crossed over and took Mary Jane’s hand. “Don’t cry. Jake will come home again someday. You just watch.”
It was true, Mary Jane thought, but she was still disappointed and sorry for herself. When the child walked away, Mary Jane went upstairs to the bedroom she used as a sitting room and lit the kerosene lamp. It was getting dark; soon it would be time for supper.
As she glanced around the room, her gaze fell on the book and she hesitated to pick it up again. Maybe she’d get rid of it tonight instead of letting the little girl find it tomorrow. But it was too late now, so she placed it in the top drawer and slid it into place. Then she went downstairs to start dinner.
The End