Symbols Of Myself
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The first thing I do when we get to the room is take off my shoes. They’re old and worn out, but they’ve been with me for years now; I can’t bear to part from them just yet. Then I pull on a pair of socks that have seen better days as well, after which I sit down at the table in front of the window where there’s a stack of papers waiting for me.
The view outside isn’t bad either: trees stretching into the distance, covered by snow that hasn’t quite melted away yet. It looks like it’ll be another beautiful day today. And what would you know about beauty? You were never here…
I look up again when someone knocks on the door. “Come in,” I call out without looking around. A moment later, Lain enters the room carrying a tray with two cups of coffee and some pastries. She sits down across from me while she sets everything down on the table.
Even though this is only her second time visiting us, I feel more comfortable than ever before having her here. Maybe because we don’t really talk much during our visits anymore—we mostly keep things formal so that no one will find out anything. But maybe also because she’s become such an important person in my life over these last few months.
Still, sitting next to each other doesn’t mean talking all the time or being friendly every minute. We both knew from the start how dangerous and complicated this whole situation was going to be. So even if we spent most of our time together alone, there still wasn’t any reason for us to open up completely until we had something concrete to work with. That’s why we kept ourselves distant whenever possible.
“How are your preparations coming along?” Lain asks after taking a sip from her cup. Her voice is warm and gentle, almost like a mother speaking to her child. As usual, I simply shrug my shoulders. There aren’t many things left to prepare. All that remains is gathering information, and then it’s just a matter of figuring out who exactly needs to die.
Lain takes another sip from her cup, her eyes fixed on mine. “Are you sure about this?” she finally says. “You won’t regret it.”
There’s nothing else to say. Everything has already been said between us countless times. I set aside the paper with the list of names on top, pick up a pastry from the plate, and take a bite out of it. From the corner of my eye, I see Lain watching me. When I’m done chewing, I give her a small smile. “It feels good,” I tell her. “To actually be able to do something.”
She nods silently, knowing full well what I mean. For the first time since we started working together, I can sense genuine excitement in her gaze. In fact, she seems downright eager. This is probably the closest she’s come to truly believing that we might succeed.
Not that I blame her. After all, this is the first time anyone close to her has managed to escape their fate. Or rather, the first time that someone has tried to help them.
But the question is: Can I really trust her? Is she really willing to go through with this? Because if not, then this entire plan could end up backfiring terribly. If she decides against helping me, I’ll have to make sure she ends up dead instead.
And that means I’d need to kill her myself, which wouldn’t be easy considering that she’s got a lot of people looking out for her. But I guess that’s the risk I’ll have to take. At least she doesn’t seem to suspect anything right now, so maybe I can count on her.
After finishing the rest of the pastry, I put it back on the plate and continue reading over the list. I skim through it quickly, and then I stop to think for a moment. The names on the list include several prominent figures in the city, including the mayor himself.
But I doubt he’ll actually try to run away. He knows too well what happens to those who defy the rule of the Church. Besides, running away would be pointless anyway. No one would believe him once word gets out. Instead, I imagine that he’ll have his own reasons for wanting to disappear.
Perhaps he wants to leave town quietly, or perhaps he’s thinking of getting married or starting a family somewhere far away. Whatever it may be, I decide to wait until I hear from him directly.
Next comes a man named Paul, who runs an orphanage. According to the report, he took in a number of children from the slums and raised them alongside his own kids. His wife died three years ago, leaving behind seven young orphans.
They’re currently living at the orphanage, but they’ve recently lost their foster parents, and there’s no way to know where they went. It’s unlikely that anyone would willingly adopt them, especially given their background.
This brings me to the conclusion that the best option is to send them off into hiding. Once they get adopted by a new family, they should be safe enough. Of course, the problem is finding a family willing to take in eight kids, and one that isn’t affiliated with the Church.
Luckily, there are plenty of families out there who have fallen on hard times lately, thanks to the war. Finding a suitable family shouldn’t be difficult.
I glance up at Lain again. She looks nervous, as always, but she keeps her lips pressed tightly shut. Then I look down at the list again, scanning through the remaining names. None of them stand out to me.
I don’t recognize any of these people personally, nor do they seem particularly influential or wealthy. Most of them live relatively normal lives, although some of them are quite old and frail. Maybe I was wrong about the mayor being the only person worth killing here.
Still, I suppose that makes sense. Anyone who’s involved with the Church would obviously be considered dangerous. That’s why I didn’t expect to find more than one name on the list.
As I stare down at the list, I start to feel uneasy. Something tells me that I’m missing something important. But what? What am I overlooking? I frown. I can’t figure it out. My mind goes blank. There must be something I’m forgetting, but I just can’t remember what it is…
“What’s wrong?” asks Lain suddenly. Her voice sounds strained like she’s trying very hard to hide her fear.
I snap my head around toward her. “Nothing,” I reply hastily, hoping that she’ll buy it. I turn back to the list. Nothing stands out to me. All the names appear ordinary. More importantly, none of them belong to anyone who would benefit from the deaths of others.
So what does that mean? Why did I feel so strongly that I had missed something? Did I simply misread the situation somehow? Was I imagining things?
It takes me a few seconds before I realize exactly what I was supposed to see. A faint smile appears on my face. I glance up at Lain.
“You were right.”
Her eyes widen slightly. “About what?”
“There’s another reason for us to go after the mayor. We haven’t found the other two yet, but we still have a chance of finding them. This is our opportunity to strike while they’re all gathered together.”
Lain stares at me silently for a long moment. Finally, she nods slowly.
***
The next morning, I wake up early, and I immediately begin preparing for the day ahead. First, I check in with the guards outside the gate to ensure that everything is going smoothly. Everything seems quiet, and there aren’t any disturbances anywhere near the palace.
Next, I visit the kitchens to pick up some breakfast. As usual, I grab a couple of fried eggs and toast, then head straight to my room to eat. When I finish eating, I set aside the empty plates and dishes, and then I prepare myself for the day’s activities.
After making sure I’m fully prepared, I leave the castle and make my way toward the temple. I walk past the main gates and approach the front entrance. Just as I expected, the doors are wide open, inviting everyone inside.
When I reach the doorway, I pause for a moment, taking in the sights and smells within. Hundreds of people fill the courtyard, each sitting in rows upon rows of wooden pews arranged neatly along both sides of the building.
Many of them wear simple clothes—nothing fancy, nothing extravagant. Their appearances vary greatly; some of them are young, while others are much older. Some of them are well-dressed, whereas others are dressed rather poorly.
The priests, however, all seem to share a common trait: they’re wearing plain white robes. Every single one of them wears the same robe, which means they probably received the clothing directly from the Church. It also explains how they manage to maintain such a high level of uniformity among themselves.
Once I step foot inside the church, I notice several large banners hanging above the altar. Each banner bears the image of an angelic creature, accompanied by a brief description of its purpose. Two of the angels are depicted holding swords, while the third holds a spear.
One of the banners reads “Angel of Protection,” while the second says “Angel of Death.” These three creatures represent the holy trinity of Heaven, and each one represents a different aspect of God’s power. Together, they form a powerful force capable of destroying any demon, regardless of size or strength.
In fact, if you ever encounter any demons, the best thing to do is run away quickly. They may not look threatening, but their powers are far beyond anything humans could hope to match.
Next to the banners hangs a huge painting depicting the last battle between good and evil. On the left side of the picture, we see the forces of darkness attacking a group of soldiers. The enemy army consists mostly of black-robed figures, but there are also many other types of monsters mixed in.
Most of these creatures are humanoid, although there are a few strange ones here and there. Among the enemies, we find a giant spider, several snakes, and even a dragon. Of course, there are also numerous human warriors fighting against the dark forces.
To protect themselves, most of them carry weapons made of metal. However, the majority of the soldiers use bows and arrows instead. Even though these men have superior equipment compared to those from the light, the difference isn’t nearly enough to prevent the death of thousands of innocent lives.
As the battle continues, more and more people die. Eventually, the entire army of darkness breaks apart, revealing a small group of survivors. Standing among this group are four people: a man with a sword, a woman carrying a shield, and two children. Beside them, we can see a bright light shining down from the heavens, illuminating their faces. It looks like the heavenly host has arrived to save the day.
Despite the presence of divine protection, the heroes’ victory doesn’t come without cost. Over half of the surviving soldiers perish during the final assault, leaving only a handful behind. Those who survive are so exhausted that they barely stand up anymore.
Still, the remaining troops manage to drive off the rest of the invaders, killing every last monster in the process. Despite the loss of life, the war ends with a clear victory. The light wins over the dark, and the world is saved.
After seeing the painting, I take a seat in the back row and watch as the ceremony begins. As soon as the priest finishes his prayer, I place my hands together and bow my head respectfully. Then, I wait until he gives the signal before I start reciting the Lord’s Prayer.
Afterward, I repeat the words of the Angel of Death, followed by the Angel of Protection. Once I finish praying, I close my eyes and think about the meaning of the verses. My mind wanders, and eventually, it leads me to the nightmarish images of Hell.
I imagine all the horrible things that await sinners after death, including Lucifer himself. He appears to be quite angry at the state of affairs, judging by the way he glares down from the sky. His red skin seems to glow brighter than usual, and his horns poke out angrily from his forehead.
For a moment, I wonder what would happen if I were to tell him everything I know. Would he punish me? Or maybe he’d reward me for being honest and help me escape from Hell once and for all. Either way, I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt to try. Unfortunately, I don’t get the chance to speak to Lucifer, because the ceremony comes to an end shortly afterward.
“Now then, let us begin,” the priest announces. He raises his voice so everyone can hear, and the crowd falls silent. “Our first order of business today will be the blessing of our newest members. Please raise your hand if you wish to join the Church.”
The room fills with cheers and applause, as dozens of people rise from their seats and make their way toward the front of the church. Many of them wear ceremonial robes similar to mine, while others simply dress in their everyday clothes.
A few of them even show up wearing nothing but underwear. This makes sense since nudity is completely acceptable in the Church. When the congregation finally settles down, the priest walks forward and stands beside the altar.
From where I sit, I can clearly see his face. There’s something odd about his expression, which reminds me of how Father was acting when he came to visit me. What could it mean?
The priest starts talking again, explaining the purpose of the ceremony. “We’re gathered today to celebrate the joining of new believers into the Church of God’s Light. These individuals have demonstrated their devotion to the teachings of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
They’ve proven that they share the same values and beliefs held by the rest of the faithful. In short, the Church has decided to grant them membership status. We believe that these people deserve special recognition, not just for their faithfulness, but also for their courage.”
He pauses briefly before continuing. “Today, we’ll be celebrating the baptism of twenty-one new members. Each one of them has pledged their allegiance to the Church through their actions. Some of them fought bravely in defense of the kingdom; others dedicated their time to helping the poor and downtrodden. All of them displayed exemplary behavior, which is why the Church has chosen to bless them with the gift of salvation.”
That explains why some people look different from the rest. Although it’s impossible to identify each individual, I notice that there are three women and twelve men in the group. The majority of them appear to be middle-aged or older, although a couple of younger couples are mixed in as well.
Most of the women seem to be dressed conservatively, whereas most of the men wear casual clothing. One girl wears a long gown, while another boy shows up wearing a robe identical to mine. However, I do spot a number of other people whose appearance leaves much to be desired.
Like the ones in the painting, many of them are overweight, and several of them sport scars on their skin. Their attire ranges from rags to tattered military uniforms, and it looks like none of them bathed recently.
It must be hard enough to live among humans without having to deal with the smell of unwashed bodies and rotten food. That said, I suppose this is exactly why the Church chose to accept them into its ranks. If the Church can somehow inspire these people to change their ways, then perhaps they might find redemption in Jesus’ name.
“As you may already know, our god made mankind to serve Him,” the priest continues. “Jesus gave us the responsibility to spread His message throughout the world. And so, we dedicate ourselves to spreading His word and bringing light to those who need it the most. With your help, we hope to bring peace to the land and save countless lives.”
I listen closely to every word he says, trying to pick up any clues I can use later. At times, I catch myself staring at the priests’ mouths as they move. Is he really saying anything important? Or does it only sound that way because of my lack of experience?
After all, these words aren’t meant for me anyway. To the Church, I am merely a tool used to accomplish their goals. As such, I shouldn’t waste too much energy on them. Instead, I should focus on learning more about the people around me, especially the ones who want to become part of the Church.
“So please, join us in welcoming our newest members!” The priest calls out to the congregation, prompting them to clap loudly. “Let’s give them the warmest welcome possible! Let’s show them what being a member of the Church means!”
A roar goes off inside the church, followed by a chorus of cheers. Everyone seems happy to be here, and I’m sure they feel proud to be welcomed into the fold. Meanwhile, I remain seated, looking down at my hands. Do I stand up now? Shouldn’t I follow suit and say something? But what would I say?
After a moment of hesitation, I take a deep breath and slowly get to my feet. Then, I turn towards the crowd and address everyone present. “Thank you very much for inviting me. It’s an honor to be included in such a wonderful event.”
There is silence for a brief second, before someone shouts out, “It’s good to have you here, brother.”
My heart skips a beat. Was that directed at me? No, surely not…
“Brother?” Someone else repeats the same thing. “Is that your name, Brother?”
This time, nobody asks if I am truly a follower of Jesus. Instead, they start calling me by name.
“What’s your name, Brother? Where did you come from?”
“Where are you from, Brother? How old are you?”
“How long have you been following the Lord, Brother?”
And so it continues. I try to answer as best I can, but I still don’t understand everything they ask. Maybe I should wait until somebody speaks directly to me first. So far, no one has done so yet.
“Are you new to town? Have you moved here recently?” A woman asks me. She appears to be a few years younger than I am, and she doesn’t look half bad either. Her eyes sparkle when she talks to me, and her smile is gentle and kind. In fact, she reminds me a lot of Lain.
For a moment, I wonder how things would’ve turned out between us had I met her back home instead of in this strange place. Would we have ended up together? Could I ever love someone like her again after losing her once already?
But just as quickly as the thought crosses my mind, I push it aside. There’s nothing I can do about that anymore. All I can control is where I go next, and right now, I have bigger concerns. Besides, I barely even know the woman in front of me. Why would I risk getting involved with anyone when I could easily end up dead tomorrow?
For the time being, however, I decided to keep quiet and let others talk. Perhaps they’ll eventually stop asking questions and simply introduce themselves. If that happens, then maybe I will finally learn some names. That might make it easier to remember people’s faces.
The conversation continues for quite a while longer. Before I realize it, the sun has started to set outside. This must be why there was such a large turnout today. Most likely, many of these people were visiting relatives or friends living nearby, which explains the number of unfamiliar faces among the crowd.
I notice several women eyeing me as well, though none of them approach me. They’re probably afraid of the Inquisition. After all, I doubt any of them want to draw attention to themselves.
Finally, the meeting comes to an end. Many of the people leave the church as soon as it starts to grow dark, while others stay behind. Some of them seem eager to speak to me, but they hold their tongues out of fear. Others, on the other hand, walk away without saying a single word.
It’s clear that most of them are less interested in becoming a member than they are in making sure I don’t cause trouble for anybody.
I sit quietly in the pew, waiting patiently for the others to finish talking. When everybody leaves, I rise to my feet and head over to the altar. One more day passes, and I’m still alive. As far as I can tell, that makes me one of the lucky ones.
The End