Phil Plumb and the Three Mean Maggots
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Once upon a time, there was a curvy boy called Phil Plumb. He was on the way to see his Doris McCallister when he decided to take a shortcut through Kensington Gardens.
It wasn’t long before Phil got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he fell into his bag for his favorite toy, Mr. Teddy, but Mr. Teddy was nowhere to be found! Phil began to panic. He felt sure he had packed Mr. Teddy. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.
Unexpectedly, he saw a mean maggot dressed in a red bowler hat disappearing into the trees.
“How odd!” thought Phil.
For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed maggot. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.
Eventually, Phil reached a clearing. He found himself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from cauliflowers, a house made from biscuits, a house made from muffins, and a house made from sweets.
Phil could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.
“Hello!” he called. “Is anybody there?”
Nobody replied.
Phil looked at the roof of the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else’s chimney. Obviously, it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.
A cackle broke through the air, giving Phil a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Mr. Teddy!
“Mr. Teddy!” shouted Phil. He turned to the witch. “That’s my toy!”
The witch just shrugged.
“Give Mr. Teddy back!” cried Phil.
“Not on your nelly!” said the witch.
“At least let Mr. Teddy out of that cage!”
Before she could reply, three mean maggots rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Phil recognized the one in the red bowler hat that he’d seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognize him too.
“Hello Big Maggot,” said the witch.
“Good morning.” The maggot noticed Mr. Teddy. “Who is this?”
“That’s Mr. Teddy,” explained the witch.
“Ooh! Mr. Teddy would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!” demanded the maggot.
The witch shook her head. “Mr. Teddy is staying with me.”
“Um… Excuse me…” Phil interrupted. “Mr. Teddy lives with me! And not in a cage!”
Big Maggot ignored him. “Is there nothing you’ll trade?” he asked the witch.
The witch thought for a moment, then said, “I do like to be entertained. I’ll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door.”
Big Maggot looked at the house made from sweets and said, “No problem, I could eat an entire house made from sweets if I wanted to.”
“That’s nothing,” said the next maggot. “I could eat two houses.”
“There’s no need to show off,” said the witch. Just eat one front door and I’ll let you have Mr. Teddy.”
Phil watched, feeling very worried. He didn’t want the witch to give Mr. Teddy to Big Maggot. He didn’t think Mr. Teddy would like living with a mean maggot, away from his house and all his other toys.
The other two maggots watched while Big Maggot put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.
“I’ll eat this whole house,” said Big Maggot. “Just you watch!”
Big Maggot pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from biscuits. He gulped it down smiling and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
Eventually, Big Maggot started to get bigger – just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more forkfuls of biscuits, he grew to the size of a large snowball – and he was every bit as round.
“Erm… I don’t feel too good,” said Big Maggot.
Suddenly, he started to roll. He’d grown so round that he could no longer balance!
“Help!” he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.
Big Maggot never finished eating the front door made from biscuits and Mr. Teddy remained trapped in the witch’s cage.
Average Maggot stepped up and approached the house made from muffins.
“I’ll eat this whole house,” said Average Maggot. “Just you watch!”
Average Maggot pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from muffins. She gulped it down smiling and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
After a while, Average Maggot started to look a little queasy. She grew greener…
…and greener.
A woodcutter walked into the clearing. “What’s this bush doing here?” he asked.
“I’m not a bush, I’m a maggot!” said Average Maggot.
“It talks!” exclaimed the woodcutter. “Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I’d better take it away before somebody gets hurt.”
“No! Wait!” cried Average Maggot, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the maggot away under his arm.
Average Maggot never finished eating the front door made from muffins and Mr. Teddy remained trapped in the witch’s cage.
Little Maggot stepped up and approached the house made from sweets.
“I’ll eat this whole house,” said Little Maggot. “Just you watch!”
Little Maggot pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from sweets. He gulped it down smiling and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
After five or six platefuls, Little Maggot started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.
He stopped eating sweets for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.
But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off propelled Little Maggot into the sky.
“Aggghhhhhh!” cried Little Maggot. “I’m scared of high…”
Little Maggot was never seen again.
Little Maggot never finished eating the front door made from sweets and Mr. Teddy remained trapped in the witch’s cage.
“That’s it,” said the witch. “I win. I get to keep Mr. Teddy.”
“Not so fast,” said Phil. “There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house is made from cauliflowers. And I haven’t had a turn yet.
“I don’t have to give you a turn!” laughed the witch. “My game. My rules.”
The woodcutter’s voice carried through the forest. “I think you should give him a chance. It’s only fair.”
“Fine,” said the witch. “But you saw what happened to the maggots. He won’t last long.”
“I’ll be right back,” said Phil.
“What?” said the witch. “Where’s your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Mr. Teddy back.”
Phil ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small campfire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from cauliflowers and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.
Phil sat down on a nearby log.
“You fail!” cackled the witch. “You were supposed to eat the whole door.”
“I haven’t finished,” explained Phil. “I am just waiting for my food to go down.”
When Phil’s food had been digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from cauliflowers. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace and then waited for it to digest.
Eventually, after several sittings, Phil was down to the final piece of the door made from cauliflowers. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Phil had eaten the entire front door of the house made from cauliflowers.
The witch stamped her foot angrily. “You must have tricked me!” she said. “I don’t reward cheating!”
“I don’t think so!” said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his ax. “This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over Mr Teddy or I will chop your broomstick in half.”
The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.
Phil hurried over and grabbed Mr. Teddy, checking that his favorite toy was all right. Fortunately, Mr. Teddy was unharmed.
Phil thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Doris. It was starting to get dark.
When Phil got to Doris’s house, he threw her arms around him.
“I was so worried!” cried Doris. “You are very late.”
As Phil described his day, he could tell that Doris didn’t believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.
“What’s that?” asked Doris.
Phil unwrapped a doorknob made from biscuits. “Pudding!” he said.
Doris almost fell off her chair.
The End