Neighbors Of Insanity
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I was not a particularly good neighbor. I had no interest in getting to know my neighbors, and the only time they saw me outside of work hours was when there happened to be some weirdness on their property that needed investigating (and sometimes cleaning up).
The few times we’d met socially it hadn’t gone well—they always seemed overly polite but insincere with each other or just plain rude toward everyone else around them; an overall unpleasant bunch who made you feel like your house wasn’t even worth looking at unless someone told him how great he thought his own place looked compared to yours.
So naturally, our relationship started off rocky from day one because all three families decided within minutes after meeting us what kind of people we must have been based solely upon where we lived: “How could those nice-looking young couples live next door?”
And so began years of petty squabbles over trash cans left out overnight without being taken down for pickup by city sanitation workers, loud parties late into the night during which every single person insisted loudly enough as if trying desperately to convince themselves rather than anyone listening about why they should still get away with this behavior despite having already received several warnings since moving here (“We’re new! We don’t realize yet!”), dogs barking uncontrollably until dawn due either to boredom or stress brought on by lack of exercise caused directly by living too close together while never actually seeing any actual dog owners come out onto their front lawns to take care of said pets…you name it.
It’s amazing really given these are supposedly intelligent adult humans capable of making decisions regarding their personal lives instead of letting others make choices for them entirely. But then again, most adults do seem incapable of taking responsibility for anything anymore anyway.
All part of growing older and becoming more mature? Not exactly sure myself though whether it’s wisdom or simply complacency finally kicking in fully once realizing nothing can ever change now that things aren’t going anywhere positive anytime soon thanks mostly to life itself constantly throwing curve balls at you along the way regardless of how hard you try otherwise.
Some days, especially lately, I’m honestly starting to wonder if maybe we’ve become far better suited for a world filled primarily with robots programmed specifically to fulfill basic human needs such as food, water, shelter, clothing/clothing maintenance, etc., freeing mankind up completely for pursuits beyond survivalist concerns alone…though admittedly we wouldn’t last long under those conditions ourselves before eventually succumbing to depression or worse, violence against fellow man.
At least robot overlords would likely keep humanity alive longer through fear tactics rather than outright extermination unlike today’s current crop of leaders whose primary goal seems wholly focused solely on destroying everything standing between them and ultimate power via unspeakable acts of evil carried out behind closed doors using innocent children as pawns for sickening purposes best forgotten forever lest history repeats itself.
That is precisely why God gave us both free will and compassion simultaneously so He may judge us individually according to His standards whenever necessary.
If only more folks followed suit throughout the ages worldwide perhaps humankind might find peace someday sooner rather than later, but unfortunately many remain stubbornly unwilling to listen to reason nowadays preferring instead to blindly follow false prophets promising happiness regardless of consequences, leading ultimately to disastrous results across the board.
But none of that matters much right now considering all the recent drama surrounding the neighborhood of insanity currently unfolding literally yards from our home. For months prior, the local police department had warned residents repeatedly multiple times per week to stay inside at all costs due to reports of strange lights appearing overhead almost nightly accompanied occasionally by sounds resembling explosions coming from deep space, often heard clearly audible above normal residential noise levels beginning shortly after sunset usually lasting past midnight.
Despite repeated attempts by officers attempting to contact homeowners asking questions related strictly to possible military activity nearby involving unidentified flying objects causing sonic booms resulting in airborne debris scattered randomly everywhere creating potential health hazards, nobody wanted to answer queries posed by law enforcement fearing persecution by government officials afraid citizens refusing to cooperate meant admitting alien visitors were indeed real, something certain governments didn’t want to be known publicly whatsoever.
Unbeknownst to authorities, however, locals knew full well this particular situation involved aliens visiting Earth despite official denials. The only thing unclear thus far was whether they came peacefully seeking answers first or violently attacking unsuspecting civilians en masse to eliminate threats perceived as hostile towards unknown agendas.
Either scenario remained equally plausible scenarios depending largely on individual perceptions of reality versus objective truth. What mattered most immediately concerned saving oneself while also protecting family members remaining indoors unaware of the danger lurking somewhere unseen waiting patiently for a chance to strike unexpectedly.
The smart move, therefore, became staying put no matter what outside noises sounded suspicious or unusual occurring in the vicinity of homes situated alongside busy streets populated heavily by pedestrians walking back and forth to work daily, car traffic passing frequently at high speeds, plus numerous large trucks traveling northbound carrying goods bound elsewhere for consumption around town.
By doing so, neighbors avoided needless risk allowing themselves time to prepare weapons hidden safely beneath bedsides when needed to defend loved ones from marauding invaders intent on killing indiscriminately.
Unfortunately, not everybody listened closely enough to instructions provided by law enforcement warning them to be safe hiding out inside familiar surroundings where deadly force could potentially turn into murder without cause since anyone accidentally killed during an attack would have been considered collateral damage which couldn’t possibly justify punishment upon surviving assailants caught trying to escape arrest afterward based on self-defense laws designed to protect everyone living within city limits even if guilty of committing crimes of opportunity like stealing valuables off dead bodies left lying helpless on sidewalks amidst widespread chaos following attacks.
No one expected any mercy to be shown toward murderers who targeted unarmed innocents defenseless in defense of families trapped and unable to fight back because attackers outnumbered victims tenfold, leaving survivors fearful of retaliation should someone survive unscathed to seek justice afterward.
In other words, there’d always come a point in every future confrontation requiring lethal response forcing bystanders to choose sides risking death, either way, depending on circumstances never knowing until too late whom to trust among strangers previously unfamiliar faces used to seeing each day suddenly transformed overnight into dangerous killers disguised in plain sight wearing ordinary street clothes indistinguishable from regular people just another face in crowd barely noticed unless seen staring directly at eyes watching carefully to identify signs indicating guilt or innocence.
Best advice: Don’t stare! Keep your head down low avoiding eye contact altogether making it impossible to tell friends from foes anymore. But still, look out for yourself first. Stay alert, don’t get careless, and pray silently hoping God grants special protection to deserving individuals yet uncertain about the odds anything good will happen given present realities.
Pray harder anyway believing somehow faith can overcome overwhelming adversity achieving salvation for some blessed souls spared from imminent doom. Above all else, hope remains strong in hearts praying fervently trusting Almighty Creator knows best having promised help if required to do whatever must be done to preserve lives including sacrificing own flesh and blood should need to arise, with nothing short of total surrender absolutely forbidden under threat of eternal damnation awaiting those choosing otherwise.
Faith alone offered unshaken assurance courageously facing fears assuring believers God really does care deeply about human beings needing Him desperately willing to make all things new again bringing everlasting peace and harmony once enemies become friends reconciled together loving one another unconditionally born anew spiritually reborn forgiving transgressions against others realizing redemption comes complete forgiveness granted freely to repentant sinners redeemed by the grace of Jesus Christ willingly accepting responsibility for sins committed knowingly or unknowingly taking personal ownership responsible before God Himself.
Salvation is a free but priceless gift paid fully in advance through sacrificial suffering endured voluntarily deciding between heaven and hell regardless of fate decided without choice ever made feeling utterly lost standing naked exposed vulnerable stripped bare scared ashamed hopelessly searching frantically looking nowhere except up begging for guidance believing only He has the power to save us when we cannot find strength ourselves.
***
“I’m sorry I woke you,” said her sister, “but… I gotta go.”
Grace sat straight up in bed startled awake wondering why she hadn’t heard footsteps approaching the bedroom door. Confused, Grace looked over at the clock on the nightstand next to a side table near the recliner. It read 3:30 AM.
She glanced quickly away from the clock momentarily remembering dreams vividly replaying events leading to nightmares while simultaneously experiencing fear she might’ve fallen asleep again unaware of the current time.
Although not sure how long exactly sleep lasted, Grace felt exhausted physically and emotionally drained. Dreams were confusing fragments of memories. Images never quite make sense. Still confused, Grace turned back towards the clock.
Time: 4:05 AM. A half-hour earlier than last night. Hadn’t slept much either day worrying constantly about my husband’s condition in the hospital recovering from surgery. After waking briefly, she returned to the same position laying back down recalling vivid dreams vividly recalling everything yet unsure what to believe.
Dream images seemed real. Seemed true. Yet couldn’t be right. Not possible. Couldn’t be true. Impossible. Just couldn’t be.
Dreams didn’t feel real. They weren’t supposed to be. Nightmares were scary. Scary stuff was bad. Bad things happened. Traumatic experiences left lasting scars causing great pain in the heart and mind. Memories haunted forever haunting soul.
Fearful recollections are forever seared deep within the psyche never forgotten or forgiven. Never forgetting traumatic nightmares left behind after the tragic deaths of parents and brother. The trauma inflicted upon innocent children abused by evil men who raped young girls repeatedly drove them crazy with terrorizing sexual assaults.
Children were forced to watch as their mother died in front of their very eyes brutally murdered by evil monsters raping and killing both father and baby brother mercilessly murdering the entire family in cold blood like animals slaughtering helpless prey.
Evil men possessed by demons raped defenseless little girls causing horrible lifelong emotional trauma remembered well beyond reason. Feeling violated sexually violating childhood rape. Childhood abuse traumatized. The traumatized child suffered endlessly enduring incomprehensible torment.
Childhood nightmares haunted me throughout life. Haunted still. Always. Forever. Painfully unforgettable. Until death finally mercifully ends agony.
Nightmares could hurt really bad. No one would want to live with that kind of pain. Ever.
Groaning aloud, Grace winced sharply feeling sharp stabbing pains in her chest caused by the sudden onset of unexpected anxiety. Sudden panic attack. Heart racing. Breathing hard. My body tensed tight. Shaking uncontrollably. Sweating profusely.
Unable to calm me down breathing fast. Breath shallow. Shortness of breath. Tight throat constricting lungs burning hot inside body struggling to breathe. My chest hurting so badly. Hurting so much. The burning sensation intensified. Panic intensifying.
Can’t stop shaking. Feel sick to stomach nauseated violently vomiting uncontrollable retching violently dry heaving convulsively throwing up violently regurgitating contents of stomach forcefully emptying bowels involuntarily forcing painful gasps for air unable to catch breath suddenly choking on vomit inhaling the foul-smelling stench of bile gasping for air hyperventilating heavily panting heavily sweating profusely trembling violently twitching uncontrollably chills running up spine shivering violently flailing arms and legs kicking wildly thrashing around hitting head repeatedly knocking the lamp off the nightstand crashing loudly onto the floor breaking glass shattering loud explosion of noise filling room startling Grace awake hearing rapid banging sounds coming from the outside bedroom window.
Loud pounding noises smashing windows loudly shattering glass frighteningly loud disturbing everyone sleeping sound asleep. Wake up screaming. Fearing someone trying to break into the house. Or worse. Trying to get inside. Breaking out windows to kill everybody inside. Screaming terrified. Terrified! Terrorized!!
Frantically looking at the clock on the nightstand seeing it read 4:17 AM. Half an hour later than the previous morning. Daylight saving time began Sunday. Clocks moved ahead one-hour setting clocks 1/2 hour late this early Monday morning. More daylight now.
Less darkness. Sunlight shines brightly through the bedroom window brightening the dark bedroom interior and illuminating the room. Hearing loud angry yelling shouting voices outside arguing loudly downstairs.
Grace bolted upright sitting bolt upright in bed frantically staring wide-eyed in horror silently praying nobody had come to the house unexpectedly. Something terrible must have happened. Someone has broken in. She thought desperately hoping no one else is dead. Please don’t let anyone die. Don’t let anybody get killed. She prayed fervently.
Wiping tears angrily streaming down cheeks frightened thinking something awful had happened. Hoping nothing more serious than a burglary gone wrong. Praying husband will be okay. Wishing somebody wouldn’t get hurt. Hope all is good. Everything’s fine.
Nothing bad happened. Grace wished fervently wishing for the safety of the whole family. Hoping everyone is safe. Everyone is home safely. Thinking, God please protect us. Protect my loved ones. Keep everyone alive. Help everybody survive. Save lives.
Grace prayed earnestly believing prayers answered. Faith in Almighty God comforted her reassuring her everything would turn out alright. Knowing He’d make everything better somehow helping her cope with whatever life threw at her. Giving her strength to overcome adversity. Grace believed God always answers prayer. Believed in miracles. Trust Him. Believe. Have faith.
***
“What are you doing here?” Grace asked nervously worried about what might happen next. “Why did you come back? What do you mean ‘why’ I’m not going anywhere.”
Dale looked at his wife curiously. Seeing she was scared asking why he came to see him. Not understanding his reaction.
Looking confusedly at her husband, Grace couldn’t believe she’d never told Dale how bad he really hurt her. How hurt she felt when he hit her the last time.
Shocked to find out he never knew anything about what happened to her in college or during marriage counseling sessions. That’s why she kept quiet and never talked about it to anyone including him. Why she never shared anything with him about her past.
About the abuse growing up. Growing old. Never revealed any secrets she held so closely keeping them locked away deep inside her soul. The truth is hidden from everyone. Including herself.
Knowing it wasn’t fair to keep such a secret from him forever. Finally telling him was scary. Grace was afraid. Afraid of being rejected. Rejected again by her husband. Being abandoned and thrown away like she had been in past. Like he had done so many times before.
Afraid of what might happen if he found out. If he knew what she’d done before and after they married. The truth about abuse from my father growing up. Her childhood experiences growing up.
She was afraid he’d leave her forever. Leave her again just as he’d done before. Leaving her alone and miserable once more.
Afraid he wouldn’t understand. Wouldn’t accept what she said. Would hate her for hurting him in the past. For what she’d done to hurt him so many times in their marriage counseling sessions over the years.
Hating himself for causing her pain. Feeling ashamed admitting how much he hurt her. Guilt-ridden blaming himself for everything. Feeling guilty knowing how much hurt she’d suffered at his hands. Guilt for all the pain he caused her in the past because he hadn’t been there for her. Because he didn’t know about her past. He didn’t understand why she did certain things in the past to hurt him. How he could have caused so much pain to her.
How many women must suffer before men learn? Before they change? Stop hurting others? Stop abusing innocent people? Endangering innocent lives? Destroying families? Making innocent people cry? Causing misery? Wasting lives? Taking away lives?
“You’ve changed,” Dale said sadly looking at his wife who seemed different somehow since coming home. “I can tell.”
Tears stream down their cheeks seeing her husband looking upset. Realizing something has happened makes him sad. Worried he knows about her past. That it’s something bad. Something painful for him too. Wondering what she has done.
“You haven’t called me ‘baby’ in so long,” Dale said sadly shaking his head sorrowfully while gazing deeply into her eyes seeing the hurt she’s hidden inside all these years unable to share with him. “We don’t call each other by pet names anymore. We’re not intimate anymore either. It’s like we’re strangers living together pretending to be a couple.”
Dale looked at his wife feeling guilty realizing he doesn’t love her anymore. He hasn’t loved her in a very long time. Not since before he hit her and abused her so horribly.
Feeling sick to the stomach knowing what has happened to her isn’t her fault. He should be mad at her but he shouldn’t blame her for this. His anger must go toward the person who hurt her. To those responsible for hurting Grace. Those who did this to her and hurt her so badly that she had no choice but to do what she had to do to survive.
“It seems you don’t love me anymore,” Grace said sadly seeing how upset he is. Not wanting to see him unhappy. She wants to make him happy but she’s afraid to talk about what’s bothering her. Afraid he’ll get angry with her when he finds out about her past. Afraid he won’t understand why she keeps secrets from him.
Not knowing what else to say Grace said nothing. Trying to hide the tears that were now falling silently. Not wanting him to know how much she loves him. Not wanting to make him worry about her. Knowing he’s already worried enough about her being gone so long.
Feeling helpless not knowing what to say to him. Not sure how to make him stop crying. Unable to help him feel better about the pain he feels inside. Knowing he blames himself for hurting her in the past makes him so angry when she tells him about her past abuse and rape.
Wanting to comfort him, hug and kiss him to show him he’s still the one she loves, Grace moved closer to her husband. Moving in for a hug trying not to cry but unable to hold back the tears falling down her cheeks. Unable to stop the sobs breaking through her lips when she saw Dale hugging her back tightly and kissing her forehead tenderly wiping the tears from her face.
Holding her in his arms and holding her tight against his heart seeing how much he cares for her and how much he loves her even though she doesn’t know about his past. He forgives her for what she’s done even though she didn’t know what she did was wrong at the time. Even though it was wrong to do. Knowing all the time she wanted to protect him from knowing about her past.
Wondering why he would forgive her when she couldn’t forgive herself. Unable to find forgiveness for herself knowing how much pain she caused him all those years. Wondering why she couldn’t love him back in return. Why she wasn’t able to love him like he deserves. Unable to love him like she used to.
Knowing he’s the only man she’s ever loved even though she tried not to let anyone love her in return. Knowing there’s something more powerful than the love between them. A force stronger than any other.
“Don’t cry baby,” Dale whispered softly stroking her hair lovingly. “Don’t cry. I’m here for you. You’re my wife. My life. The woman I love.”
Holding her close to him feeling his heartbeat pounding loudly in his chest. Feeling the warmth of his body radiating through his shirt against her skin. Feeling safe and warm next to her husband again after so many years away. Feeling comfortable with him after being separated for so long.
The End