May Your Heart Be Your Guiding Key
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“You know, it’s just the same thing with me. I think my mother would have been able to give me a lot more if she’d tried,” said Lissa, as they walked back into her flat. “I don’t understand this thing about how parents should only do what they want,” she smiled at him. “How did you get on?”
“Oh,” he laughed. “Not as easy as you make it seem.”
Lissa gave up. He was right, of course. It had taken her hours before she could talk about anything but herself, and now that they were talking about their families—she thought of all the reasons why they couldn’t possibly be together. The problem lay in how she felt around him…and his reaction to her revelation. She didn’t like feeling dependent on anyone or anything; she liked being independent.
“We’re going to go home now,” said Lissa suddenly.
“What do we do next?” asked Richard, looking down at the floor beside him. His eyes narrowed when she touched his hand. “Don’t worry about your brother. I’ll look after him.”
His face lit up as though an idea had just struck him. “Do you know where he lives? Do you mind if I stay here until tomorrow?”
Her heart skipped a beat. “Sure.”
He pulled away from her then, and started for the door, turning toward the stairs. She looked up at him and caught sight of something in his expression that she hadn’t seen there since he came back from the dead.
She took two steps forward and placed a small kiss on his cheek. “See you tomorrow.”
***
Lissa’s first attempt at making tea was met with disaster. It wasn’t just that the kettle boiled over and soaked the tablecloth. There were several problems, too: the fact that she’d forgotten to buy salt, so the food tasted bland and metallic; the fact that the milk had gone sour and curdled in hot water, which meant it needed to be washed before boiling; and worst of all, when the tea had finished brewing, Richard was nowhere to be found.
They both went to bed early. As usual, he slept on the sofa, while she stayed in bed. Lissa sat in bed watching the clock tick by until Richard came out of the bathroom wearing nothing but jeans, which were stained with black ink stains. He must’ve changed his clothes somewhere else.
Richard’s hands slipped off the window-sill. He turned to Lissa and gave her a smile. “Thank you,” he whispered.
She nodded. “Goodnight.”
He stood there, staring down at her before he reached for her waist and pulled her into his arms. This time it was Lissa who held him tighter than she ever had. He kissed her mouth gently, and she pressed her nose to his neck. When they broke apart, Lissa rested her forehead against his chest. “You’re so good to me,” she said quietly.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered into her hair, sounding as if he was trying not to let himself cry. “It’s late,” she added.
“No. It’s still morning…”
Lissa lifted her head to gaze at the ceiling. They lay there silently for a moment, listening to the sounds of the night outside—the distant sound of traffic, the soft hum of voices from below them, and the occasional hush of wind in the leaves above.
“It’s okay,” he murmured. “Go to sleep.”
“Will you tell me about him?” she asked.
Richard didn’t respond. His fingers moved through the length of her hair, brushing it away from her shoulder. He didn’t stop until she pushed his hand away. “Tell me about your brother.”
“What do you mean? What’s to tell?”
“There’s no need to be shy about it,” Lissa sighed. “We can go downstairs.”
“That’s not a very good idea,” said Richard, sitting up. “My family are asleep.”
“So?”
“I think they’ll think you’re strange if you come back.”
“But you told me to ask you for things.”
“Then tell them we were lovers,” he said with a slight frown.
He sounded so tired—it didn’t even feel like he was joking. But it seemed as though he really wanted to share this with her. Perhaps because he’d realized that he might never have another chance to do so.
“Come on,” she urged him, reaching for the bedside lamp and flicking it on. “You’re my guest. It would make me happy to help you.”
She knew she was making excuses for him, yet she couldn’t help it. She felt like her own feelings were being tested—to see if she could trust him without reservations, and if she trusted him, then perhaps her own secret wouldn’t seem as important anymore.
And maybe then her family would accept him better, and everything would be better. She didn’t want to give up on them just yet, because she believed that someday things would get better. She had faith that they’d come together again. Even now, she hoped and prayed for the day when they’d all live happily under the same roof. “Please don’t keep anything from me, Richard.”
Richard’s eyes opened wider, and his expression grew more guarded. He didn’t move away from her, however, nor did he try to stop her from following him out of the room. They made their way down the staircase and into her living room, where they both took seats on the couch.
“I’ll take a nap here, in case I have nightmares,” Lissa said. “Do you want some tea? You can sleep here on the couch.”
“That’s kind of you,” Richard said, “but…”
“No problem,” Lissa smiled. “I’ll sit beside you and hold your hand.”
“I’m not sure I like the sound of that,” Richard muttered, but his face relaxed a little when she put her arm around his shoulders. She rested her head on his chest.
She felt Richard stiffen slightly under her touch. Then, when they sat facing one another, he took a deep breath. “My brother…my twin,” he began, “is the reason why my father disowned me.”
“What happened?”
Richard sighed. “A long time ago, when we were young kids, we found a box of old pictures.”
“Pictures?”
“Yes. We were playing hide-and-seek, and Richard thought it would be fun to peek through the keyhole in our parents’ bedroom since we didn’t know what was inside. So I hid, and I heard him whispering. I pretended I wasn’t listening, but I caught his voice—”
“Didn’t you ask him to tell you what you were seeing?”
“I did,” said Richard, sounding irritated, as if the fact that Lissa didn’t already know was somehow embarrassing to him. “But all he said was ‘It’s him.’ My parents kept those photos hidden for many years. They only showed them to us recently.”
Lissa frowned in confusion. “Why would they show them to you?”
“To prove that he looked like me,” said Lissa, feeling the weight of his gaze upon her. “I remember that he asked him if he liked it. That must’ve been what he meant. I thought it was sweet.”
“Was that all? He didn’t tell you any other details?”
“They never mentioned it to me before.”
His answer sounded convincing, but the silence between them made her uncomfortable. When he spoke again, she saw that he was looking out the window, gazing into space with an odd expression on his face.
The night sky was clear. Stars twinkled overhead. The faint light from the lamppost outside shone over Richard’s shoulder as he continued: “After he got married and left the country, we never talked about my brother. Not after our father died, at least.”
“How did he look like you?”
“He had my eyes,” Richard mused. “And my smile.”
“You didn’t say anything else, though?”
“No…” His face softened. “It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore.”
When she looked up at him, she could barely make out his profile through the dim light that filtered through the curtains. He gazed down at her as if he was staring directly into her soul. Her heart skipped a beat when his lips brushed against hers. He kissed her, and she closed her eyes and let him.
“I think I’m falling in love with you,” he whispered into her ear. Lissa bit her lip, feeling suddenly warm and drowsy. “I think it would be best if we slept together tonight. Just for tonight.”
“We won’t stay together forever.”
“I know.”
“But we should do this while we can.”
Lissa nodded, and his arm came around her. It seemed to be getting harder for him to speak, so she turned her head toward his shoulder.
“I don’t mean to pry,” she murmured against his chest. “But if my parents ever find out that we’ve been talking about these kinds of things…”
Richard’s fingers touched the corner of her mouth, stroking the skin below her jawline. “I’ll take care of it.”
Lissa leaned into his palm and closed her eyes. “Okay.”
Lissa woke up, alone, sometime later in the night. She felt cold, and she couldn’t move, because Richard was sitting next to her, holding her hands in his. She tried to turn, to face him, but he didn’t budge.
“Lissa, wake up,” Richard whispered. “Please…wake up!”
Lissa groaned when she felt his hand shaking her. “Richard? Are you okay?”
“You have to come with me. Now! Hurry!”
She sat up, her senses still hazy with sleep. Richard’s face loomed above her. She reached out with one arm, and she felt her wrist being gripped tightly by his fingers.
“What’s wrong?”
“There’s someone here—outside. In the hall. Someone dangerous.”
“Are you sure? Is there a man?”
He tugged her out of bed and pulled her along the corridor. As she struggled to get free, Lissa realized how much effort he was putting into it. There was something in his voice that gave him away; he was frantic.
But when she tried to break loose from his grip, he tightened his hold on her. His arms were like steel bands around her body, and then, all of a sudden, Richard was pulling her down the stairs, dragging her by force. He threw her over his shoulder and sprinted down the steps toward the front door.
A cold chill ran through her body. Something terrible was happening. “Richard?”
“Lissa, hurry!”
“Where are we going? What’s happened?”
He didn’t respond. He dragged her across the hallway and flung open the front door. Lissa stumbled and almost fell. Then she heard shouting outside. Someone was standing in the hallway, right outside their house. He was calling her name. She couldn’t see who he was until Richard pushed her to the side to allow him passage.
Richard took a few quick steps down the garden path and disappeared into the forest.
“Richard!” Lissa yelled out. She caught sight of a glimpse of him, rushing away among the trees. He’d taken off into the darkness without even a backward glance. Her feet slipped out from beneath her as she watched him go.
The End