Mary Meadows and the Three Grumpy Horses
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Once upon a time, there was a clumsy girl called Mary Meadows. She was on the way to see her Steve Pigeon when she decided to take a shortcut through Snotchester Forest.
It wasn’t long before Mary got lost. She looked around, but all she could see were trees. Nervously, she fell into her bag for her favorite toy, Piglet, but Piglet was nowhere to be found! Mary began to panic. She felt sure she had packed Piglet. To make matters worse, she was starting to feel hungry.
Unexpectedly, she saw a grumpy horse dressed in a red skirt disappearing into the trees.
“How odd!” thought Mary.
For the want of anything better to do, she decided to follow the peculiarly dressed horse. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.
Eventually, Mary reached a clearing. She found herself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from pumpkins, a house made from macarons, a house made from chips, and a house made from humbugs.
Mary could feel her tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease her hunger.
“Hello!” she called. “Is anybody there?”
Nobody replied.
Mary looked at the roof of the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else’s chimney. Obviously, it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.
A cackle broke through the air, giving Mary a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Piglet!
“Piglet!” shouted Mary. She turned to the witch. “That’s my toy!”
The witch just shrugged.
“Give Piglet back!” cried Mary.
“Not on your nelly!” said the witch.
“At least let Piglet out of that cage!”
Before she could reply, three grumpy horses rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Mary recognized the one in the red skirt that she’d seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognize him too.
“Hello Big Horse,” said the witch.
“Good morning.” The horse noticed Piglet. “Who is this?”
“That’s Piglet,” explained the witch.
“Ooh! Piglet would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!” demanded the horse.
The witch shook her head. “Piglet is staying with me.”
“Um… Excuse me…” Mary interrupted. “Piglet lives with me! And not in a cage!”
Big Horse ignored her. “Is there nothing you’ll trade?” he asked the witch.
The witch thought for a moment, then said, “I do like to be entertained. I’ll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door.”
Big Horse looked at the house made from humbugs and said, “No problem, I could eat an entire house made from humbugs if I wanted to.”
“That’s nothing,” said the next horse. “I could eat two houses.”
“There’s no need to show off,” said the witch. Just eat one front door and I’ll let you have Piglet.”
Mary watched, feeling very worried. She didn’t want the witch to give Piglet to Big Horse. She didn’t think Piglet would like living with a grumpy horse, away from her house and all her other toys.
The other two horses watched while Big Horse put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.
“I’ll eat this whole house,” said Big Horse. “Just you watch!”
Big Horse pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from macarons. He gulped it down smiling and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
Eventually, Big Horse started to get bigger – just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more forkfuls of macarons, he grew to the size of a large snowball – and he was every bit as round.
“Erm… I don’t feel too good,” said Big Horse.
Suddenly, he started to roll. He’d grown so round that he could no longer balance!
“Help!” he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.
Big Horse never finished eating the front door made from macarons and Piglet remained trapped in the witch’s cage.
Average Horse stepped up and approached the house made from chips.
“I’ll eat this whole house,” said Average Horse. “Just you watch!”
Average Horse pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from chips. She gulped it down smiling and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
After a while, Average Horse started to look a little queasy. She grew greener…
…and greener.
A woodcutter walked into the clearing. “What’s this bush doing here?” he asked.
“I’m not a bush, I’m a horse!” said Average Horse.
“It talks!” exclaimed the woodcutter. “Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I’d better take it away before somebody gets hurt.”
“No! Wait!” cried Average Horse, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the horse away under his arm.
Average Horse never finished eating the front door made from chips and Piglet remained trapped in the witch’s cage.
Little Horse stepped up and approached the house made from humbugs.
“I’ll eat this whole house,” said Little Horse. “Just you watch!”
Little Horse pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from humbugs. He gulped it down smiling and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
After five or six platefuls, Little Horse started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.
He stopped eating humbugs for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.
But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off propelled Little Horse into the sky.
“Aggghhhhhh!” cried Little Horse. “I’m scared of high…”
Little Horse was never seen again.
Little Horse never finished eating the front door made from humbugs and Piglet remained trapped in the witch’s cage.
“That’s it,” said the witch. “I win. I get to keep Piglet.”
“Not so fast,” said Mary. “There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house is made from pumpkins. And I haven’t had a turn yet.
“I don’t have to give you a turn!” laughed the witch. “My game. My rules.”
The woodcutter’s voice carried through the forest. “I think you should give her a chance. It’s only fair.”
“Fine,” said the witch. “But you saw what happened to the horses. She won’t last long.”
“I’ll be right back,” said Mary.
“What?” said the witch. “Where’s your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Piglet back.”
Mary ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. She came back to the clearing and started a small campfire. Carefully, she broke off a piece of the door of the house made from pumpkins and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, she took a bite. She quickly devoured the whole piece.
Mary sat down on a nearby log.
“You fail!” cackled the witch. “You were supposed to eat the whole door.”
“I haven’t finished,” explained Mary. “I am just waiting for my food to go down.”
When Mary’s food had been digested, she broke off another piece of the door made from pumpkins. Once more, she toasted her food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. She ate it at a leisurely pace and then waited for it to digest.
Eventually, after several sittings, Mary was down to the final piece of the door made from pumpkins. Carefully, she toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. She finished her final course. Mary had eaten the entire front door of the house made from pumpkins.
The witch stamped her foot angrily. “You must have tricked me!” she said. “I don’t reward cheating!”
“I don’t think so!” said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his ax. “This little girl won fair and square. Now hand over Piglet or I will chop your broomstick in half.”
The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.
Mary hurried over and grabbed Piglet, checking that her favorite toy was all right. Fortunately, Piglet was unharmed.
Mary thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Steve. It was starting to get dark.
When Mary got to Steve’s house, she threw his arms around her.
“I was so worried!” cried Steve. “You are very late.”
As Mary described her day, she could tell that Steve didn’t believe her. So she grabbed a napkin from her pocket.
“What’s that?” asked Steve.
Mary unwrapped a doorknob made from macarons. “Pudding!” she said.
Steve almost fell off his chair.
The End