Love Is Giving Your Heart Without Expectation
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I’ve been told that love is giving your heart without expectation, and I don’t believe it for a minute. It’s not the same thing as being selfless or altruistic—love isn’t always about putting someone else’s needs ahead of your own.
It’s simply accepting someone into your life in spite of their flaws, knowing they’re still going to hurt you when you least expect it.
That’s what love means: accepting someone so completely that no matter how much they disappoint you, even if all those promises seem to be lies and every time they come home at night it feels like more of an insult than the day before, you can’t leave because it would mean losing them. The only choice you have is whether to take them back or cut them out entirely.
There are two ways to look at love, depending on which side of the bed you wake up from at night: love means never having any control over another person who doesn’t want anything but your acceptance; love means giving everything you’ve got regardless of its impact on yourself.
For me, it’s simple—if I don’t expect any reciprocation then I know where my boundaries lie. It might surprise people when they hear this since most girls will try to convince you that love is something you give unconditionally until death does them part.
That’s bullshit. Love should be about mutual respect and support. If your man cheats on you, he should be able to accept that there was nothing left for him with you after his infidelity. You shouldn’t feel guilty just because you loved him enough to forgive him.
There comes a time when you must realize you’re better off without someone who can’t appreciate you or see beyond your imperfections. In order to find a true sense of happiness and fulfillment, both of you need to make concessions, put each other first, and understand that sometimes you’ll get the short end of the stick.
Otherwise, it’s nothing more than a selfish relationship built on illusions and broken trust.
As long as you’re willing to give everything you’ve got, you’ll never be satisfied. When you finally meet someone who gives back ten times what they ever receive, then you can say “love,” because at last you know it for what it really is. A gift freely given, not expected or demanded in return.
***
“We can’t leave yet,” I said.
I hadn’t realized I’d spoken aloud until I heard myself repeat her words and felt my lips move. My head had fallen against the window and now I lifted it again, blinking at the passing street lights as the car rolled smoothly down the freeway.
She didn’t answer. Instead, she stared straight ahead, focused on the road as we pulled onto the exit ramp and drove through the darkened city streets toward home. The silence stretched out endlessly between us. We were so far past the point of no return.
I knew it wouldn’t help anyone if I started screaming about how unfair life seemed right now, especially when I couldn’t even explain why I believed I deserved such treatment.
A thousand miles and countless sleepless nights later, I was staring into the darkness of my bedroom, wishing I could sleep forever. At least then I would know I wasn’t missing anything.
My eyes snapped open again. What if it wasn’t just nightmares? What if I dreamed all along that the monster lived under my bed?
The thought made me feel like crying, but I forced my eyes closed once more before allowing myself the luxury. Maybe, deep down inside, I wanted to believe that there was some kind of supernatural force at work here, but I refused to allow myself to entertain such ridiculous notions.
I turned over to face the wall, wondering if my mom was asleep already. I’d seen her sitting at the kitchen table, eating dinner with a glass of wine in hand. She was too young to drink, even if it did appear to be an occasional habit.
I remembered thinking at the time that maybe it wasn’t so much alcohol she craved but rather escape from all the pain she carried around on her shoulders. Now, seeing her so obviously distraught over something I couldn’t possibly comprehend, I wished I’d been there to hold her when the tears came.
Or perhaps, if things had gone differently, I could have done something to avoid making matters worse.
It was a lot easier to focus on other people’s problems when the only ones you were dealing with were fictional. I’d convinced myself that my parents were good, decent people, and they’d done everything possible to make sure I saw that for myself. No, the monsters in my life weren’t real, but neither was the person trying to keep me from waking up every night.
I pushed back my pillow and swung my legs off the bed. As I stood, I realized I wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing except for a pair of black silk panties. I quickly glanced at the ceiling to ensure nobody else was awake, then grabbed my phone and flipped it open, searching for a message from Tyler, but he wasn’t picking up his cell either.
I sent a text that went directly to voicemail, hoping he wouldn’t ignore me for too long. At least, while I slept, he could come to visit me and try to make sense of all this confusion. I was starting to wonder how well he understood what happened, considering I’d woken up alone and naked. He probably assumed I’d lost consciousness or simply wandered out of my room without any clothes on.
After pressing record and speaking briefly with Tyler, I hung up and tossed the phone onto my desk. It didn’t matter what he believed anymore. All that mattered now was that I was going to figure out where I belonged. Once I got back home and took another look around, I knew I could start figuring out what my new path was going to be. I’d just have to find the courage to cross it.
“You still with me?” Tyler asked quietly.
I nodded. “Yeah.”
He sighed. “That’s good because I’m not getting much better at talking without saying too much.”
“Do you think you’ll ever understand how I got into this mess? And by ‘this,’ I mean being kidnapped by someone you don’t want to piss off?”
“Maybe, someday, but not right now. It doesn’t seem important right now. You’re going to tell me what you need, then we can go from there.”
I shook my head. “No. It’s way too late for that now. There’s nothing left. Not for me anyway. If you don’t mind, I’m going to go get dressed.”
Tyler grunted. “Go ahead and do whatever you need to do, but I’d really appreciate it if you come back down before morning, okay? You might not like hearing this, but I think you’ve been sleeping longer than necessary lately.”
There was no use denying his observation. He knew exactly how often I woke up, and he probably had a few reasons why. Still, it was nice to have the opportunity to rest as much as I needed, though I knew it wasn’t going to last very long.
Before climbing back under the covers, I pulled up the hood of my bathrobe and tucked it snugly around my neck, hoping it would help keep the chill from setting in too deeply. The sheets were soft against my skin, and for the first time since I arrived at this mansion, I felt safe and relaxed enough to let go of the anxiety clawing away at the pit of my stomach.
This place wasn’t quite so cold anymore, and it didn’t hurt to know that I wasn’t alone in my struggle. I was beginning to wonder if that was actually Tyler’s plan. If so, it seemed awfully self-serving to leave me here without telling anybody where we were going next, but he’d always been the underminer when it came to family.
“You’re welcome,” he said softly after a moment’s pause. “And thanks.”
The darkness was thick as I lay beneath my blankets, trying hard to ignore the fact that something about this whole situation wasn’t sitting right with me, even though I couldn’t put my finger on anything specific. Then again, I never could put my fingers on exactly what bothered me, no matter what I tried to figure out, so maybe it was best to let it go for now. I had more pressing things on my plate.
If my eyes were closed and my body warm, I might have thought I was finally going to sleep, but instead, the door opened once more and a cool breeze blew through the open window behind me. Someone entered quietly, though it sounded like they made sure to step lightly across the floor tiles before turning toward my desk.
“Did you wake her up?” A male voice asked.
A woman answered, “Of course not! Why would you assume—”
She stopped abruptly when she spotted me standing in the dim light of an overhead bulb. She held one hand over her mouth to stop any more words, and she slowly turned away. “Sorry,” she muttered.
The man who stood beside her shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. You weren’t doing anything wrong.”
I heard him take off his coat, and after tossing it aside, he reached for me, taking hold of my shoulders. “Are you okay?” he whispered in my ear.
My breath caught in my throat at the gentle touch. “I’m fine,” I managed to croak.
His strong hands slid around my waist. “You haven’t talked to anyone besides us, right? No one knows you’re here?”
“What makes you think that?” My heart was racing, and despite myself, my body began responding to the man’s scent and the warmth of his palms.
“You smell clean,” he murmured. “No perfume. Just soap. Did you wash?”
Trying to pull myself free from his grasp, I glared up at him. “No,” I snapped. “I washed my face and brushed my hair—after I cut it short again.”
“Why would you do that?”
It was my turn to shrug. “For fun, I guess.”
He took his hand from my waist and cupped the back of my neck, tilting my head toward his and giving me a quick peck on the lips. His other hand slipped under my shirt to wrap around my side, holding me firmly in place until his lips moved onto mine again.
At first, I fought hard against the kiss, thinking about all those times Tyler kissed me like this, making love to me, but then curiosity got the best of me, and I found myself opening to the man’s tongue as he pressed his lips against mine.
When he finally lifted his head, his breathing was heavy. I wanted to say something to him, but my brain was still muddled with desire, and when I finally tried to speak, my voice came out as a whisper. “Can I go back to sleep now?”
He smiled faintly. “Sure, but I’ll be back soon. Don’t make too much noise.”
The End