Heart Crying
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My heart was crying as I was lying in my bed at home, alone. The pain had not gone away yet. It seemed to get worse every night that passed by and it hurt more when the sun went down. My mind wandered back to the last few days with Mattie, wondering if he would ever return to me.
Was I making a mistake? What if he didn’t want me anymore after what happened in town? Or what if he did come for me but couldn’t find me? He might have been so angry that he left without even looking for me. And then there’s the chance of him getting caught trying to escape from the mine. Then again, maybe he’ll be here before morning or tomorrow.
I’m sorry I made you go to town on your own. You should’ve let me know about all this sooner. If I knew earlier we could have gone together. But I never expected them to shoot at us. They’re just going to pay for what they did. I’m sure of it now. All those years I spent hating them for what they did is nothing compared to how much I hate them right now.
The next day Mattie showed up early in the morning. When he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was me. His face lit up when he saw me. “You came!” He exclaimed. I nodded. We were both silent as we sat on our horses side-by-side.
Our hands touched each other lightly. I wanted to kiss him badly but decided against it since it was still too soon. Instead, I held onto his hand tightly. I don’t think I’d ever felt happier than I am right now. This man has brought new meaning into my life. Everything looks brighter and seems easier to deal with because of him.
Mattie told me that they were only able to steal three horses out of the corral and two saddles. Two men who worked there helped them escape. They said one of them looked like he was high on something. One of their captors was named Dan and the other was Frank.
Both of them were pretty tall and thin. Their clothes fit well enough to cover everything but their faces. There was no way anyone would recognize them. Mattie also added that they had some food stored in a room behind the main building. That was where we planned to spend the night.
When we arrived at the ranch house, Mattie asked if I needed anything. I shook my head and thanked God that I wasn’t hungry anyway. Mattie took off his gun belt and hung it over a nearby post. As he walked toward the door, I followed close behind.
I heard him say, “I need to tell Mr. Murphy that I found her.” After he entered the main part of the house, he turned around and yelled, “Murphy! Come quickly!” I thought that was strange since Murphy hadn’t seen me. Maybe Mattie meant he found someone else. I followed him inside.
Mr. Murphy was sitting behind an old wooden desk near the front entrance. A woman dressed in black stood beside him. She smiled as she watched Mattie walk through the doorway. Her dark hair fell around her shoulders and framed her beautiful features.
I recognized her immediately. It was Miss Lila Murphy. Mattie had mentioned her name before. He said that she was married to the owner of this place. I wondered why she was helping him. I remembered how I was treated by most of these people when I first arrived. How dare they help Mattie!
“Good morning,” I said, trying to sound cheerful.
Miss Lila returned a smile. “How are you feeling?” she asked.
“Much better than yesterday,” I replied. “Thank you for asking.”
She leaned forward and placed her elbows on the desk. “We owe you a great debt for bringing her back safely.”
“It was nothing really. Just doing my job.”
Her voice grew soft. “If it weren’t for you, she would not have been able to escape.”
“Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it escaping,” Mattie interjected. “They grabbed her while she was riding her horse and tied her up. Then they put her in the mine until they figured out what to do with her.”
Miss Lila reached out and squeezed his hand. “What kind of trouble did you run into down there?”
Mattie hesitated before answering. “Some men tried to rob us,” he explained. “But we were lucky enough to scare them away.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Why did they try to rob you?”
He shrugged. “Maybe because we were strangers.”
I couldn’t believe it. Did everyone in this place dislike me so much? Why would anyone rob strangers? It didn’t make any sense to me.
“Who attacked you?”
“Two men from Kansas City.”
I gasped. I guess they must be related to the other two. The fact that they robbed Mattie and left me alone was probably because I wasn’t important enough to rob or kidnap. I suppose the reason why they took the other two prisoners was that they were more valuable.
These Kansas City men probably sold them to someone else after they got tired of holding them. I shivered as I pictured their fate.
“Did either of you get hurt?” Miss Lila asked.
Mattie shook his head. “No, we escaped without any injuries.”
She gave Mattie’s hand another squeeze. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Mattie nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
His voice sounded strained. I could tell that he was hiding something. What was bothering him?
Miss Lila stood up. “I’ll go find Mr. Murphy,” she said. She moved across the room and disappeared through a doorway. Mattie stepped aside and allowed her to pass. When she reappeared, Mattie seemed relieved that she had gone somewhere. We waited silently for a few minutes. Then Mattie said, “There is someone I’d like you to meet.”
The next person who came through the doorway was a man wearing a wide-brimmed hat. His dark hair curled slightly around the edges and covered half his face. He wore a white shirt under a black vest and a long coat. On his feet were brown leather boots.
They looked expensive. The only thing missing was gloves. But then again, he may have forgotten to bring some along with him. I saw that he carried a cane. He also had a gun strapped to his right side. He walked slowly toward me and stopped when he was about ten feet away.
“This is Tom, one of our guards,” Mattie introduced.
Tom held out his hand and offered a polite greeting. “My pleasure to meet you, ma’am. My name is Tom.”
“Pleased to meet you too, Tom,” I responded. “And thank you for your assistance today. You helped save my life.”
“You’re welcome.”
Mattie turned to look at me. “Come, let’s go inside. There’s plenty of work to keep us busy here.”
***
A week passed since Mattie brought me to this town. All I knew was that I was going to be working here indefinitely. No more traveling. For now, I decided that I would concentrate on getting used to being in a small community where everything revolved around mining.
Our days started early each morning. After breakfast, we would ride out to the mines. Mattie usually led the way. Sometimes he rode ahead of us, but mostly he stayed behind. In case we needed help. Once we arrived at the mine shafts, he would stay there while we went underground.
I wondered if he was afraid to enter those tunnels. If he was, why hadn’t he mentioned it? Maybe he thought I might feel sorry for him. That was ridiculous. Everyone should be scared of being stuck deep below ground level. And even though I knew how dangerous it was, I still wanted to see what it looked like.
One day, Mattie took me with him into the mine. Before entering, I removed the bandana from my face. It was a little dusty down there. But it didn’t bother me. I didn’t think it bothered Mattie either. He just kept walking along the tunnel with his eyes focused straight ahead.
After a short distance, we reached a large chamber. A series of wooden ladders lined the walls. I followed Mattie as he climbed onto one of the steps. As I watched him move farther down the ladder, I realized that we weren’t alone.
Men filled every corner of the room. Some sat on benches, and others worked at a nearby table. Others stood near the entrance waiting for customers. Most of these miners were dressed in loose shirts and jeans. One or two wore overalls and hats. Only two of them were dressed in suits. It reminded me of a saloon. This saloon had nothing to do with alcohol or gambling. This was an illegal gambling house.
“What are you doing here?” Mattie asked as soon as he reached the bottom step.
Three men turned to look at him. “We come here almost every night to play cards,” one of them answered. “It’s nice to have company.”
Mattie glanced back at me and motioned for me to join him.
As I approached, he asked, “Do you know these men?”
“Yes. I met them the first time I came here.”
“Good.”
Mattie joined the other men and began talking. I stood by myself and listened. One of the card players caught my attention. He appeared to be middle-aged and wore a gray suit. I recognized him instantly because of the scar on his cheek.
He looked familiar somehow. Why did I think that I knew him? Was it possible that I had seen him before? Hadn’t I read something about a man named Bill in one of the newspapers? Bill had been a former soldier. When he was discharged, he left Fort Laramie to search for gold.
I couldn’t remember anything else about the article except that he disappeared after a few years. Did this mean that he had finally returned home? Or maybe he had already died? Either way, I felt bad that I didn’t recognize him. What if someone had told me about him and I never noticed? Would they ever forgive me?
Before I could dwell on it any further, another man walked over to me. “Are you alone, miss?”
His question startled me. “Yes, I’m all by myself.”
The stranger stared at me for several seconds and then smiled. “Don’t worry about anyone bothering you. We’re all gentlemen here.”
I wasn’t sure what to make of his statement. “Thank you very much.”
He nodded. “That’s fine. Just try not to wander away.”
When he spoke again, his voice sounded different than usual. His words lacked their usual confidence. Instead, his tone was dull and monotone. The reason became clear when he introduced himself. “My name is Jimmie Johnson.”
“Nice to meet you.” I extended my hand toward him.
For a moment, I thought he wouldn’t take it. Then suddenly, he grabbed hold and shook it. “Likewise.”
I released my grip on his hand. “If I need anything, I’ll ask someone to assist me.”
Jimmie nodded. “Sure thing. Don’t hesitate to ask.”
Once he walked away, I continued watching him. For some reason, I found myself wondering whether he was married or had children. It seemed strange to wonder about such things considering how many men there were around us.
How many women were married? I remembered reading somewhere that most people married young and lived happily ever after. It made me smile. I hoped everyone found true love someday.
A couple of hours later, Mattie returned with two bottles of whiskey. I carried mine inside the mine and handed it to Mattie. After I placed it next to mine, Mattie pulled out his own bottle and poured himself a glass. “Want some?”
“No thanks.”
“You don’t like whiskey?”
“Not particularly. But sometimes, it’s better to drink than to fight.”
“Fighting isn’t always so bad.”
“Sometimes, fighting means you lose friends. Sometimes, losing friends can lead to death.”
Mattie sipped his whiskey and nodded slowly. “I see where you’re coming from now.”
***
An hour passed. Mattie finished his second glass. By then, he had regained his normal personality. He laughed loudly while playing cards and joking with the other miners. In between, he took frequent breaks to smoke and sip more whiskey.
The only difference was that he talked less than he usually did. Before long, Mattie won three hands. Everyone cheered. They raised glasses of whiskey in celebration. Mattie threw up his arms and roared, “To victory!”
With each passing minute, the crowd grew larger. Men and boys crowded into the small room, laughing and cheering. Some sat on the floor, others leaned against the walls. Soon, the air grew thick with cigarette smoke.
Once, when someone lit up, I coughed and covered my mouth with my sleeve. A boy near me sneezed. Several men nearby snickered. I glanced back at Mattie. He was smiling and shaking his head. I decided that I would rather die than go through life wearing an expression like that.
Suddenly, a man who appeared to be a friend of Mattie’s entered the mine. Mattie rose and greeted him with a hug. As they talked, I realized that he hadn’t invited him to join the game. Perhaps, he had come to watch the proceedings.
If so, I wondered why. Maybe he wanted to show off. I tried to listen but couldn’t understand what they said. Their voices were too soft. At last, Mattie turned toward me.
“Sorry to interrupt your conversation, Miss. You seem to have company.”
It surprised me that Mattie knew my name. Was I that noticeable? I looked over to see that the stranger had taken a seat beside me. He wore a black shirt and black pants. No hat covered his brown hair. Despite his appearance, I recognized him instantly.
“Mr. Johnson! What are you doing here?”
His response was unexpected. “How do you know my name?”
“Well…”
There was no time to explain everything before he interrupted. “I’m sorry. Can we talk outside?”
“Of course,” I answered. “But first, let’s finish our drinks.”
As Mattie stood and went outside to find Mattie, I reached for my glass and sipped the whiskey. While waiting for Mattie to return, I watched the strangers’ faces. Most of them didn’t look familiar. One man sat close to me.
When I looked at him, he turned away and pretended to be interested in something else. Another one kept staring at me. Finally, I lifted my chin and stared right back. He quickly averted his eyes and muttered something under his breath.
When Mattie came back inside, the stranger left. Mattie settled down and resumed his card games.
Mattie returned to his card game as if nothing unusual had happened. I waited until Mattie won another hand. Then, I followed him outside.
Outside, I could hear voices talking. I listened carefully to hear what they were saying. “The boss doesn’t want you to bring anyone along.”
“Why not? I’ve never been arrested.”
“Don’t worry, Mr. Johnson. We’ll make sure this goes smoothly. And don’t forget, you get paid well.”
“Thanks.”
“Have you got any questions?”
“Just one: Are you going to kill me tonight or tomorrow night?”
“We’ll see.”
I thought about telling Mattie what the man had said but decided against it. Why tell Mattie that I might die soon? Instead, I told Mattie I needed to use the privy. Mattie nodded and pointed to the rear of the mine.
I walked past the rows of mines and found the privy. It wasn’t much different than those I’d seen in town. There was a hole in the ground surrounded by boards and a wooden door. To prevent animals from entering, a wire fence ran around the hole. Just like most privies in Montana, there was no water supply. So, after relieving myself, I washed my hands and face with cold water.
While I was washing, a group of men approached me. “Can I help you, ma’am?” asked a large man wearing a gun belt.
“No thanks,” I replied.
A few minutes later, Mattie called out to me. I hurriedly dried my hands and joined Mattie outside. He handed me a bottle of whiskey and offered me a cigar. After taking a sip, I held out my cigar box. “Do you mind if I smoke these?”
“Not at all, Miss.”
“You’re very kind.”
“Let’s sit somewhere more private where we can talk freely.”
He led me behind the mine and showed me the small shack where he lived. The roof leaked. Water dripped from the rafters onto mattresses and blankets spread on the dirt floor. The only furniture was a table and two chairs.
The walls were made of logs. Two windows overlooked the mine shafts. I shivered. Mattie took off his coat and placed it across my shoulders. “Here, take this,” he said.
“Thank you. But it’s still cold.”
“Then wear my jacket.”
I slipped into the warmth of his coat. Once again, I marveled at how caring he could be despite having a wife. Still, I wondered if Mattie had ever loved her. Did he even love his daughter?
With a sigh, I said, “I hate being here.”
“Yes, I know.”
“I feel trapped. Trapped and alone.”
“What makes you say so?”
“This place is too quiet. Too isolated. Even when people are nearby, they act like I’m invisible. That’s why I need someone to keep me company. Someone who will listen to me while I share my thoughts.”
“If that’s true—”
“It is!” I cried. “And I hope you mean it because I need you—now more than ever.”
“Miss, I…”
“Please! Don’t stop now. You’re exactly what I need.”
“That’s why I agreed to come.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because… I think I love you.”
***
After Mattie brought us back inside, he poured himself another drink and sat down beside me.
“So, did you enjoy yourself?” I asked.
“Enjoy myself? What makes you think that?”
“Your expression.”
“Oh, you noticed.”
“I always notice.”
Mattie grinned. “But you don’t have to worry. No woman will ever replace your wife.”
“Of course not. I would never hurt Mary Ann. She means everything to me.”
“I understand. Let’s just relax and enjoy each other’s company.”
For an hour or so, Mattie talked about the mine and some of its history. With time, I relaxed. Soon, I forgot about the stranger in the mine and Mattie’s marriage. All I wanted was for Mattie to hold me.
Before long, the sun set, and darkness enveloped the mine. As I lay on Mattie’s bed, I watched him walk over to a corner of the room and pull a lantern closer. He lit the wick with a match. The light filled the space between the wall and ceiling.
For a moment, I stared at the shadows dancing on the wall. Then I looked up to see Mattie standing beside the bed. He reached for me and pulled me close. Our lips met gently.
The End