Heart And Soul Tattoo
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Johanna, you can’t keep on like this,” Johan said. “You’ll make yourself sick.”
“I am not sick,” Johanna snapped. “I’m just in a funk.”
“A funk?”
He frowned as if he didn’t believe her. He looked so much like his father that the resemblance sometimes made Johan feel disloyal to her dead husband.
His mother’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t say things like that! Don’t ever think of your father that way!”
He was too young and too far away from those days when his mother had been married to Frank Jorgenson to understand what his mother meant by saying her ex-husband looked like his father. The only thing he remembered about Frank Jorgenson now was his long blond hair and blue eyes that matched Johan’s own, which she always hated because they reminded her of him.
Now, though, she could hardly remember anything good about their marriage. Not after Johan’s father died while saving her life during an Indian raid on the trading post where Johan worked.
She couldn’t even look at Frank Jorgenson without remembering all the bad stuff—his drinking and womanizing; their fights over money. But then his death had made everything different for them.
His mother became so depressed that she’d taken a job working at a trading post in California before deciding it wasn’t such a wonderful place after all and coming back home, although Johan was disappointed when his mother never mentioned seeing her former boss or any other friends there.
She simply said that living in her old house brought memories of Frank Jorgenson. She seemed more miserable than ever and often stayed up late into the night crying. It hurt Johan to see how sad she was. He wished she would leave the old ranch house again and find someplace new with someone else but his mother wouldn’t have it.
The door opened and Johan turned to see Lizzie standing there, looking as if she belonged in Johan’s family room instead of out of a saloon. Her black hair curled down her back and hung loosely around her shoulders.
She was dressed in a plain white dress that showed off the beauty of her slender body, the kind of figure that drew men’s eyes wherever she went. They stared at her legs whenever they passed each other in the hallway, which Johan found embarrassing.
Lizzie knew she had the prettiest legs in town and used them to get whatever she wanted from men. But Johan liked her. She was friendly and kind to everyone, including Johan despite her reputation.
“Lizzie, come in,” Johanna called. “Have you heard? Someone is trying to open a tattoo shop in the old hotel across the street.”
Lizzie sat beside his mother and rested her hand on his leg, smiling. “I hear you are thinking of having a tattoo done.”
“No!”
“Why not?” Lizzie asked.
“It doesn’t appeal to me.” Johan pulled his leg away.
“That’s probably why you don’t know what a good work of art looks like,” Lizzie replied. “Come with me tomorrow morning.”
Johan felt his cheeks grow hot.
“What?” Lizzie asked. “Does Johan like you better than me?”
“Stop it!” Johan exclaimed. “You’re making me blush.” He looked down and noticed she hadn’t moved her hand away. He tried to take it away from his leg but Lizzie held on firmly. She didn’t look very happy.
She finally gave up when he refused to let go. “Are we going to have another fight today, Johan? I thought maybe you were changing.”
“Maybe.”
Johanna cleared her throat and Johan looked over at her. She glared at him.
“Well, Johan, I’m tired,” Lizzie said. “We’ll talk later.”
With that, she stood up. Johan saw her face turn red and wondered if she’d gone through puberty already, as she was only fourteen years old. She wore a black velvet ribbon on her collar and Johan thought she must be very pretty because he often caught himself staring at her.
But her face looked older, with a small frown line between her dark eyebrows and deep lines etched on either side of her mouth.
When Lizzie left the room, Johan turned to his mother. “Do you think Lizzie likes you?”
“Of course she does.”
“Then why do you treat her like that?”
Johan knew his mother didn’t understand women as well as he did. Women weren’t so hard to figure out—they loved flowers and gifts, which Johan always gave her. When she had to stay overnight at the ranch, he always brought her flowers.
And sometimes he would bring a bouquet of flowers with him when they met at church on Sundays and put one by her pew, so he could watch her admiring it during the sermon. She smiled the moment she saw Johan’s gift. That told Johan that she appreciated flowers and jewelry. But it took more than flowers and a necklace for Lizzie to be happy and show it.
Johan didn’t think anyone should be treated badly just because they were different, but Lizzie seemed to think differently about herself. Johan had seen her talking to men in saloons, flirting with them when Johan wasn’t watching, and giggling afterward.
She seemed to enjoy the attention as much as Johan enjoyed giving it to her. He hoped she would come back soon to talk to him or maybe play cards or dominoes, but now it looked like she would leave him alone for the rest of the day.
***
The next morning Lizzie arrived in time for breakfast and Johan was relieved to see she still had the same smile on her face. She poured coffee into two mugs and carried them into the dining room. Johan was sitting at the table eating while Johanna sat beside him, holding Johan’s hand beneath the table. “Is your arm better?” Johanna asked.
“Yes, thanks.”
“Did Johan have the tattoo done?”
“Not yet.”
Johan looked at Lizzie who sat across from Johanna and sipped her coffee. Johan wished Johanna would let go of his hand. It hurt and it felt strange being touched by someone other than his mother. The first time Johan noticed his mother touching Johan’s shoulder he felt uncomfortable like she was invading his personal space.
Later, when he started playing the piano, he felt embarrassed when Johanna came close enough to touch Johan’s fingers while he played. He felt awkward when she complimented him. Johan knew that Johanna had been the same way when she was young and she was the reason that Johan preferred to keep his own company.
Johanna didn’t seem to mind that he spent most of his time reading or practicing music. As long as Johan was out of her sight, she didn’t try to get too close to him.
Now Johanna was acting even stranger. If Johan didn’t know better, he would think that Johanna had taken to liking Lizzie.
Lizzie glanced at Johanna and then looked directly at Johan. “Are you going to tell me what happened this morning?” she asked softly, leaning closer to Johanna. “Why are you treating Johan like an enemy? You’ve never liked him before. What changed your opinion?”
Johan watched Lizzie. He didn’t want to talk to Lizzie because he wasn’t sure how she would react when he told her about the night before. Johan wanted her to be nice to Johan, but he couldn’t say that aloud and so he remained silent.
“You can tell me,” Lizzie said. “I promise not to judge you.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Johanna interrupted.
But Johan wasn’t finished. “What I mean is, I don’t care if you think I’m lying.”
He tried to look straight into Lizzie’s eyes, but Johanna stopped him by putting her hand on his chin and lifting his head toward hers. Johan stared down into her dark brown eyes, wondering where these sudden feelings came from and what he should do next. He didn’t want to hurt his mother’s feelings but also didn’t want to lie or feel like a coward.
“Tell me,” Lizzie insisted. “Please. I won’t hold it against you.”
Johan nodded, unsure how to start. “That night after we ate, we heard horses outside and then saw three riders coming up our driveway.”
“What made you suspicious?” Lizzie asked.
“The fact that they rode in single file—it wasn’t like any of us had ever seen.”
“So, what did you do?”
“We all went out front and stood around until the riders stopped at the front door. Then Johanna knocked on the front window and called to us. We thought the riders were looking for Johanna, but they turned their horses around and left.”
“They must have been looking for you,” Lizzie said. “Was anything missing from your room?”
Johan shook his head, still feeling uneasy and unsure why. “No, nothing was taken.”
“Were there any signs of forced entry?” Johanna asked, sounding annoyed.
Johanna had never been a good listener, always interrupting and asking questions that were irrelevant. Johan could understand her concern over possible thieves, but it seemed more like she was trying to prove Johan wrong when he described the scene. He didn’t say much and Johanna continued to press him, asking, “If there weren’t any signs of forced entry, did anyone leave the ranch last night?”
“I was in my room, so I didn’t hear anything.”
“Well, maybe you can help me find out what happened,” Lizzie said.
“How?”
“Can you remember where the riders entered the house?” Lizzie asked. “Could you take me back inside?”
“Of course, but I doubt I’ll be able to show you much of anything.” Johan hesitated, waiting to see what Lizzie would ask next.
She looked at Johan for a few seconds. “Do you remember seeing where they mounted their horses?”
“In the front room.”
“Did the riders ride off without dismounting?”
“No.” Johan frowned. “They stayed awhile and then took off.” Johan paused, thinking hard. “Wait, one of the riders got off his horse.”
Lizzie nodded. “Where?”
“On the side porch. I guess he walked in through the kitchen or something.”
“Who else was in the room?” Lizzie asked. “Anyone besides you and Johanna?”
“Nope, just us.”
“And you didn’t notice anyone suspicious?”
“Not that I saw.” Johan shrugged. “Besides, we only noticed the men because they left their mounts outside. Otherwise, we might have missed them altogether.”
Lizzie nodded. She looked at Johan. “Wouldn’t it be easier just to go inside the ranch and see if anything is missing?”
“Yes, but I’m afraid if someone comes back, they’ll think Johan and I are behind it.” Johan paused to glance at Lizzie. “You’re going to need Johan’s help if you’re going to catch whoever is robbing the ranch.”
Lizzie nodded. “I’ll get Johan to open the door and let us both inside.”
Johan was surprised by her quick response. He wasn’t sure whether it was because Lizzie was a detective now, or simply because Johanna was right. There was no reason to hide their true identity from Johan anymore. Johan glanced down at the pistol, which lay across his lap. It had been so easy to use the gun to defend himself, but he felt a little uneasy having it around again.
***
It wasn’t long before the two women stepped into the foyer. Lizzie held the lantern up so Johan could lead them down to the front room, but Johan stopped and stared at Lizzie’s feet. The heels of her boots looked like they were too small to walk properly, but instead of taking off her shoes, Lizzie walked with them on.
It wasn’t as though they were very high, but Johan thought it strange that she wore high heels while searching the ranch. They reached the front room, and Lizzie lit the lamp sitting on top of the mantelpiece. A few minutes later, Johanna followed Lizzie inside the room.
Johan watched them both look around, wondering how this could possibly be of any help to Lizzie. But the minute Johanna walked past his chair, she gasped loudly and then grabbed the back of Johan’s shirt.
“What happened?” Lizzie asked. She pointed at Johan’s right leg, still bent at the knee.
“Someone broke into my room last night,” Johan said, looking away.
Lizzie turned to Johan. “When?”
Johan hesitated before saying, “Last night.”
“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Lizzie asked.
“The riders came and left early this morning before we woke up.” Johan glanced at his sister for a second, then said, “I guess I wanted to forget about it and get some sleep.”
“Why didn’t you call the sheriff?”
Johan shook his head. “I didn’t want to involve the law unless absolutely necessary.”
Lizzie looked at Johan for a few seconds. “Did you see what these riders looked like?”
“I think so. One of them was tall and thin.”
Lizzie frowned. “Was he wearing a black hat?”
“Yeah. What do you know about it?” Johan asked.
Lizzie pulled Johan farther into the room. “I’ve heard stories from some of the older people in town who claim someone stole their cattle years ago. This person was supposed to have worn a black hat.”
“How many people did this happen to?” Johan asked.
“A dozen or so families.” Lizzie paused, then looked down at Johan. “Have you seen this rider before?”
“Only once before.” Johan rubbed his jaw. “He visited Johanna and me after we returned from our trip to Germany. We met him at a restaurant and he sat next to Johanna.” Johan paused, remembering his time in Germany.
He had gone there as part of a study program through the university and lived on campus for a year. Johan was glad he had decided not to return when they learned the Germans planned to invade Poland, which Johan considered a sign of good luck since he couldn’t imagine being anywhere near Hitler.
“Anyway, we chatted a little bit and he even bought us drinks.” Johan smiled. “We all had fun together.”
“That’s interesting.” Lizzie nodded. She seemed more intrigued than alarmed by Johan’s story. Then Lizzie leaned closer to Johan and spoke softly. “If it’s one of those riders, then we should tell Father, so he can take precautions.”
Johan nodded. He glanced at Lizzie’s profile. The only time he and Lizzie ever saw Father was during church on Sunday, but Johan wondered why she would want to warn Father about this person. Johan wasn’t sure whether it was just a coincidence that the thief was visiting Johanna or something else altogether.
Either way, it wouldn’t hurt to tell Father about it. If this man really was behind these thefts, then it would be better if the ranch took precautions and warned everyone against him. “Father knows I sometimes work on Sundays so maybe I’ll talk to him about it tonight.”
Johan stood up and picked up the pistol lying on the floor. He set the barrel against his leg and slowly twisted it around, then pulled it free, letting out a sharp breath. Lizzie noticed his reaction and quickly reached under his shirt and pressed her fingers lightly against the bullet wound. She let go of Johan’s shirt and stared at his side, obviously puzzled by his injury.
“Someone shot me,” Johan said. “In Germany.”
Lizzie turned from Johan and stared at the window. After a moment, she said, “I’m sorry for asking such an odd question earlier.” She glanced at Johan with a serious expression. “But you never mentioned your wound before.”
“It was nothing,” Johan said, shaking his head.
“It was probably a dirty rifle,” Lizzie said, trying to convince herself, “but why didn’t you say anything earlier? Why are you still wearing this shirt?”
Johan felt uncomfortable talking about the injury so he changed the subject. “What kind of horse is that?”
Lizzie pointed to a large brown-colored gelding tied outside of the stable. “That’s Raffi.”
Raffi was beautiful and Johan couldn’t help but stare at the animal. He hadn’t seen any horses as nice as this one.
“He’s been working for Father now for about five years,” Lizzie said. “Father found him in Wyoming and he’s a very smart horse.”
“Can he run?” Johan asked, thinking of how fast he had gone in Europe.
“Oh yeah! You could almost say Raffi has a mind of his own.” Lizzie walked over to a box filled with saddles and saddlebags and opened it. “This is the only one that hasn’t been taken. Father says thieves don’t steal from each other because they fear getting caught.” Lizzie picked up a red bridle and held it up. It was decorated with silver braiding and a ruby red jeweled noseband. “It cost Father quite a bit of money.”
Johan remembered seeing the same style of the bridle in his old home in Poland. They were considered to be the most expensive in Poland—not like the leather ones used by the peasants. “Is it hard to ride Raffi?”
Lizzie shook her head. “No. He’s easy enough to handle if you’re good on a horse.”
Johan looked at Raffi again. He had ridden many times and knew exactly what to do on a horse, but he was afraid of Raffi because of his speed. He would need to get over that fear soon, especially since he didn’t have much time left in California. The more miles he put between himself and his old life, the better. Johan was determined to leave California and never return.
“You should practice riding him every day until Father gives you the keys to his car,” Lizzie said, holding the reins up for Johan to see. “And when you’ve done that, you can use his car whenever you wish.”
Johan smiled at her. “Thank you for the advice.” He hesitated and then added, “I might not get to ride him often, though.”
“Well, then I suppose I’ll just have to show you.” Lizzie smiled back.
***
The next morning Johan worked diligently to get to know Raffi better so that he’d feel comfortable riding him in public. Johan spent most of the day practicing. When he wasn’t doing that, he was busy washing the wagon and loading it with goods.
Johan had no idea where all the items went. There were so many people living on the ranch now that Johan thought it would take them at least a month or two to sell off the goods. But Lizzie kept insisting that everything would be sold within a few weeks. Johan couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to buy some of the items.
He had barely finished loading the wagon when he heard Father calling from his study. “All right, boys! Let’s load up!”
The six men hurried down the hall toward the barn, followed by three younger boys. Johan had met all of Father’s sons except for Johan himself. As he rode up to the barn with the others, Johan was surprised to see Johan standing there watching.
“Hey,” one of the other boys said with a laugh, slapping Johan on the shoulder. “Are you going somewhere?”
Johan laughed and replied, “Just looking for work.” He looked around the barn at the horses. “Do you mind if I watch and learn how to groom a horse?”
“Sure thing,” one of the older boys said. “But you’re new here so don’t worry too much. We’ve been riding these beasts for years.” Johan nodded and moved closer to the horses. A man was leading one of the horses out. Johan watched him and learned something valuable from the experience. He was able to tell which horses were best suited for pulling wagons and which were best for riding.
A few hours later Johan felt ready for a break and was relieved to hear Father call for a lunch break. After the meal, Johan helped Father unload the wagon while the other boys cleaned up. Father sent Johan to feed the animals in the stables as soon as he returned to the house.
Johan took a handful of grain and scattered it across the floor of the stall and then waited for the horse to finish eating before returning it to its pen. Johan continued to repeat this task throughout the rest of the afternoon and was pleased to see his progress improve.
His hands no longer bled from working with the sharp tools used to clean stalls. He also began to understand why Father had hired so many extra workers. If Johan were allowed to help the stable hands, he could easily double their output.
“Father, can I stay on another week?” Johan asked after dinner.
“What makes you think we have anything else for you to do? You haven’t even finished cleaning up one wagon full of goods!” Father scowled as Johan started walking toward the stables.
Johan didn’t care about the chores anymore. He wanted to ride Raffi again. And when Johan got back into the saddle, Raffi ran straight into the arena. Johan jumped onto him and they galloped around the track, racing each other until both of them were breathless.
“You’re lucky I’ve decided to let you practice riding,” Father called after Johan as he rode out of sight around the corner of the barn. “And you shouldn’t waste any more of my money buying such extravagant gifts for yourself.”
Johan rode Raffi back to the stable feeling proud. Lately, he’d seen Father’s anger directed toward him far too often. It seemed that Father was growing tired of his son’s ways.
That evening at dinner Johan noticed that Lizzie was smiling at him. He smiled back but his smile faded a little when he remembered that Lizzie was engaged. She looked so happy tonight. The way she gazed at him with an expression of tenderness left Johan feeling confused. Then she turned to her plate and he forgot to pay attention to what she was saying.
When Father finally announced, “It’s time for bed,” Johan made sure that he was first to say goodnight. He had already done the chores so he could have stayed up late to talk to Lizzie but he didn’t want Father to catch him up.
So he gave her a quick hug and then headed to his room. Before he fell asleep, Johan wondered how Lizzie would react if he told her that he was engaged to be married.
Johan awoke early Sunday morning so excited to start a new day. He went down the hall and peeked through the open door of his sister’s bedroom. She was sleeping soundly, still wearing her nightgown.
Johan couldn’t resist. He reached out and gently caressed her cheek and then kissed her mouth. Her eyes flew open. Johan saw her confusion and realized instantly that he had committed a terrible mistake. But he hadn’t stopped.
Lizzie tried to push him away but Johan wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly to him. He didn’t want to let go. When Lizzie cried out, Johan knew he had lost everything.
Father came pounding down the hallway and threw open Johan’s door, “Get your ass out of bed.”
Johan didn’t move.
“I’m going to send you packing!” Father yelled as he grabbed a blanket off Johan’s bed and pulled it over Johan. “You’re nothing but a damn thief and liar! And now you’ve stolen my wife’s affection from me. Goodbye, son.”
Johan didn’t budge. Father slammed the door shut and stalked back down the hallway. Johan lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. How could he ever make things right between himself and Father?
He thought of Lizzie who must be thinking that he had left because he loved her and not her fiancé. That wouldn’t be true. But the reality of losing Lizzie forever tore at him so badly that Johan didn’t know if he could ever stop crying.
The End