Give Up On Your Dream And Die
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We rode at a steady canter toward the river. The dust kicked up by our horses drifted over the plains, turning the leading edge of the sun into a bright line. In the distance, we saw the mountains again, more distinct now that the morning was waning.
Our first glimpse of the steamship that would take us to San Francisco was breathtaking. The ship was huge, and it was anchored in a deep part of the river. The water flowed around her, and she looked like a giant flower.
I couldn’t blame Judge for wanting to take a closer look. We were on our way to his old stomping grounds. But I wanted to take things slow. I didn’t want to rush him into anything, and I didn’t want him to feel beholden to me.
“Well, I know better than to ask about your past, but I do want to know what you’re doing all this way from Texas.”
“I can’t tell you exactly how I got from Texas to here, only that I was looking for work.”
“You were looking for work?”
“That’s right.”
“Well, now you’ve got it, and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to handle it.”
“Oh?”
“You’re one of those hard-working types who never seem to be satisfied with what they have. You’re always looking for more.”
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“I’m just saying that those who are content with what they have are usually happy people. When you’re not content with what you have, you can’t help but be unhappy.”
“I can’t help but be unhappy if I’m not happy with what I have.”
“You don’t have to be unhappy. You could be happy.”
“What makes you think you know how I can be happy?”
“Makes me think that your definition of happy might be different from your definition of contentment.”
“I’ve been content in my life,” he said after a long pause. “I’ve had a roof over my head, food on the table, and a job that paid fairly well.”
“And does that make you happy?”
He hesitated for another long time before answering. “No,” he said at last. “I think I would be happier if I had some money saved for my kids.”
I couldn’t help but smile at his answer, but I felt bad for him and his children. “So what are you going to do now?”
“I’m going back to Texas.”
“I thought you were looking for work.”
“Yes, but I’m not going back to Texas to look for work. I’m going back so I can collect my kids.”
“Collect them?”
“Those are my children, Miss.”
“Tell me,” I said as I urged my horse to a faster walk. The longer we rode side by side, the more we seemed to share the same thoughts. “If you’re not content with what you have in Texas, why did you come all the way here?”
“I thought maybe California would be better. That’s where you’re from, isn’t it?”
“Yes, but why California?”
“That’s where all the jobs are.”
“Where are you going to find work in California? You don’t know anybody there.”
“Not anybody important,” he said as if that settled the matter. “But I’ll find a job somehow. I’ll probably go out west and work on a ranch until I can save enough money to come back and get my kids.”
“So why not stay in Texas? You could get better wages there than in California or anywhere else.”
“I’d rather die than work on a pig ranch,” he said as if that settled the matter as well. “Don’t even like pigs!” He glanced at me as if guessing my thoughts on the matter. “They’re dirty animals.” He laughed as he spoke and shook his head.
“Don’t even like pigs!” Then he stopped speaking and seemed to be lost in thought again. I was lost in my own thoughts as well, and we rode along in silence as we came closer to the ship. “We could have taken a stagecoach to San Francisco,” he said suddenly after a while, “but riding horses is more romantic.”
“Romantic?”
He shrugged his shoulders and pointed toward the ship with his chin. “The ship is beautiful,” he said as if that settled it all. “It reminds me of some old movies I’ve seen about sailing ships from long ago.”
My mind was on other things as well as old movies. “This is the first time I’ve ever been on a boat,” I said as if that settled it all. It was one of those strange conversations that seemed to be happening more and more often these days when we were alone together.
If we were talking about anything else, it was clear we didn’t want anyone else overhearing our conversation. But when we were alone together outside of the ship, our conversation seemed to naturally go in strange directions.
We were coming closer to the ship when he suddenly said, “It’s too bad you don’t have a man around here who could teach you how to shoot.” He was talking about something completely different than what we were discussing just a few minutes ago, and I wasn’t sure how to respond.
He was saying something very personal about me, but it was clear he didn’t want anyone else to know about it. But I was perfectly willing to discuss my shooting skills with him, so I waited for him to finish his thought before responding. “Learned how to shoot in San Francisco,” I said at last. “Taught me.”
He nodded his head as if he understood that this was the reason for my silence but didn’t say anything more about it. We rode up alongside the ship and stopped our horses in front of the gangway.
Apparently, there were other people waiting for their turns to board the ship as well because we were forced to wait behind them while they were all checked by a lookout before being allowed to board the ship. Some of them were men from the ship who obviously worked on board, but most of them were men and women who obviously worked for the ship’s crew before being hired by the shipping company.
It was obvious that this time of year all hands would be needed on board since they were leaving port soon. The passengers weren’t being asked to leave their belongings unattended since there was no telling when they would return to collect them again.
When I was finally cleared by the lookout, the man from the ship handed me a small key and said, “Miss, this is yours so you can get into your cabin whenever you need to rest or change clothes.” Then he handed me another key and said, “If you need anything else while you’re aboard the ship, let me know and I’ll see if someone can help you.”
I thanked him and told him I would be fine. He seemed disappointed that his duty was over as soon as it started, and I wondered if he didn’t feel that being on watch duty didn’t suit him better than being on deck watching over cargo or passengers.
He turned and walked away with his hands in his pockets as if he didn’t care if I ever came back on board or not. It was only then that I realized he might have been disappointed because he felt unwanted or unneeded.
As far as I could tell, he was just doing his job and didn’t have much choice in the matter. But he didn’t seem like the kind of man who liked the feeling of being unwanted or unneeded for that matter.
The men who worked for the shipping company were probably just like him. They were brought out of town because there wasn’t enough work for them in their own towns, and they had to make do with whatever jobs they found out of town. It would be interesting to know how many women shared their plight with me just by their presence alone.
The gangway was almost cleared when Jim noticed we weren’t boarding the ship yet. “I’ll take you up to your cabin so you can put your things away,” he said as he got off his horse. “Then you can come back down and join the others for dinner.”
I thanked him for his help and went up to my cabin with Jim following close behind me. It was obvious that he knew where everything was located on board since we made it to our cabin without having to ask any questions along the way. He unlocked the door with his key and said, “You have a nice view from up here.”
The cabin itself was a single cabin with a private bathroom and a bright window right over my bed where I would be able to look out at the sea between my sheets at night while I dreamed of being somewhere else.
My trunk was already in place when we entered the cabin so I assumed Jim had already brought it up before we arrived on board even though there was no sign of anyone else being in the cabin with us.
“I’ll leave you alone for now,” Jim said as he turned to leave the room. “I’ll be back down later so you can give me your report.”
“Thank you,” I replied, “it will be nice to have my own space while I’m out here.”
“I’ll see if I can find you something to wear,” he said as he left the room.
While I waited for him to return, I opened my trunk and started placing my belongings inside it. There was a wardrobe in one corner of the room with a mirror above it. I quickly opened it and started looking through my clothes until I found what I wanted: a simple navy dress that would go well with my skin tone.
Then I put on my new shoes since I didn’t have time to get new ones in Chicago before leaving town, and just like that, I was ready for dinner once Jim returned.
When Jim returned, he told me where to meet him and led me down below deck where a few other people waited for me. It wasn’t hard to figure out where we were going once we reached an enclosed space with a fireplace at one end of it.
The only other place that would have been suitable for a dining table was in one of the captain’s quarters on board the ship, but since this might be a special meal for some reason, it would make sense that it would be served in one of the passenger’s cabins instead.
As soon as we entered the room, I saw what everyone else was staring at: a table set for two with two chairs facing each other across from each other. There were two waiters standing by each side of the table and each had a menu in hand waiting for someone to order their meal. The captain welcomed us all with a smile as he walked over to our table and said, “Good evening everyone.”
“Good evening,” we all replied as if we were all expected to know each other by now even though most of us had never met before today.
“I hope you all know how to behave when dinner is served,” he said with a smile. “You are all free to order whatever you like; however, if you want something more expensive than what you can afford, please let me know.”
“Our meals are prepared by an expert chef who lives in town,” the captain continued as he looked around at each of us before saying, “and he has already prepared your meal so there is no need to worry about ordering anything special.”
“So what can we expect?” one of the waiters asked as he set down three menus in front of each of us on the table. “I’m sure it won’t be as good as your food that we eat back in town, but it should be good enough for us.”
“I’ll let you all decide for yourselves,” the captain said as he walked away. “Now please don’t keep me standing here too long since it’s already dark out there.”
The first thing I noticed was how dark it was outside the window so I couldn’t tell much about the scenery outside, but what caught my attention next was the smoky smell coming from the fireplace.
It wasn’t until we were all seated around the table and had our menus in front of us that I looked up and saw candles illuminating our surroundings instead of lamps or lanterns or even electric lights.
It wasn’t just any candles either; they were long-burning candles that lit up the room with their flickering glow so that it was almost like a private candlelight dinner in an upscale restaurant back home.
“If anyone needs anything at all,” one of the waiters said as he stood by the door, “just let me know and I will get you anything you need.”
“What about me?” another waiter asked when he noticed me looking at him. “What can I get you?”
“How about some wine?” I asked as I looked at my menu. “We haven’t had any since we left Chicago.”
“I’ll see if we have some,” he replied as he turned around and walked away.
“You’re not going to serve us wine or any alcohol?” someone else asked as if it were a joke, but everyone else seemed perplexed by his question.
“Of course not,” the captain replied with a chuckle as he looked around at us all. “This is a family affair.”
“It’s been quite some time since I’ve had wine,” one of the men said with a laugh. “I’m sure these pickled vegetables aren’t going to cut it tonight.”
“I’d love another glass,” another passenger added as she looked at me with a smile before turning her attention to her dinner.
“I’ll see if we have any,” the waiter said as he walked away again.
“I know that I’m not much of a drinker,” I said before turning to look at my dinner, “but I think I’ll order a salad anyway.”
“What kind of salad?” Jim asked as he ordered his own meal, “and what are you going to have for dessert?”
“I’ll have whatever she has,” Jim answered for me before asking, “how about anything sweet?”
“That sounds great,” I replied with a smile before looking at my menu again, “but I think I’d rather have something savory rather than sweet.”
“You can have anything you want,” the captain said as he walked over to our table and sat down next to me. “I’m sure my chef will prepare whatever you like.”
“Thank you,” I replied with a smile as I looked up at him.
“But please don’t order too much since we have many others who are waiting to eat,” the captain went on, “and if my chef prepares too much food, then we will be in a bind when it comes to serving everyone else.”
“I’m sure he’ll do just fine,” I said as I looked up at him again. “But we won’t be ordering too much since we don’t want to waste your food.”
“No one wants to waste food,” he replied, “but we can only prepare so much for so many. Now please order whatever you like.”
“Are you going to be joining us?” I asked as I looked at our table before looking back at him and adding, “or did someone tell you not to come?”
“No one told me not to come,” he replied as he looked around at us all before adding, “but this is our dinner tonight so we should eat together. If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I’ll get us all some drinks.”
When he walked away, the rest of us stared at each other for a moment before turning our attention back to our own dinners. The first thing I noticed was that my salad was filled with healthy vegetables with only a light dressing on it so that I could taste the vegetables more than the dressing.
It was obvious that they didn’t want any of us to feel stuffed before dinner; after all, we had three more meals after this one and they wanted us well-fed for them.
It wasn’t long before the captain came back and served us all drinks with ice cubes in them so that they would keep cool on such a warm night. When he placed his glass in front of me, I took a sip and then looked up at him with a smile. “This is much better than what we had in Chicago.”
“Our chef is from France so I’m sure you’ll like everything he prepares,” the captain replied with a grin before adding, “but just in case he does something special for you, then let me know if you want anything different.”
“I think it’s marvelous,” one of the women replied with a chuckle, “but don’t expect me to say that when he’s cooking for me.”
“I’m sure he’s going to do just fine,” another woman added from my left, and everyone else laughed along with her as they laughed at her joke.
As we ate, we chatted about Chicago and the people there; in fact, some of the people who had been on the train with us earlier joined in as well. After all, they knew a lot more about Chicago than we did about here. But they also had their own stories to tell about Chicago and their other travels. It wasn’t long before everyone was laughing and joking as if we were old friends.
“We’re all having such a wonderful time that we should consider doing this more often,” Jim said as he looked around the table at all of us before adding, “but we should warn our other passengers that they might not get any sleep tonight.”
“We should wait until after we’re done eating,” another woman added as she turned to look at her husband and added, “and then let them know we’re finished eating.”
“Good idea,” Jim said with a grin. “But if we do that, then we’ll have to invite them all to dinner on our other trips. But I think that’s something we should do anyway.”
“It might be fun,” one of the men said with a chuckle as he looked around the table at all of us as he added, “but it’s going to take some planning since all of our trips are different.”
“We’ll figure it out somehow,” Jim said with a grin as he looked at me before adding, “and I think you should think about cooking for us again.”
“I’ll think about it,” I replied with a smile before looking back at him and adding, “but I want to try something new next time.”
“Well, whatever you do, give us some notice so that we can be ready for you,” another man replied with a chuckle as he added, “and don’t worry about making too much food.”
When the meal was finally over, the captain stood and bowed to us in his cowboy hat and gloves. “And now we would like to invite you all to join us for an after dinner drink in our saloon.”
“But we have other plans tonight,” one of the women said with a laugh as she turned back to look at her husband and added, “but since we’re here now, why not join us for a drink?”
“It’s up to you,” the captain replied with a shrug as he looked around at us all and added, “but I’m sure it will be a good time for all of us.”
“It might be fun,” one of the men replied as he turned to look at his wife and added, “but let’s wait until after dinner before we decide anything.”
“That’s fine,” my husband replied as he stood so that he could look at the captain and add, “but we’d like to go and join everyone else for a drink before our trip tomorrow.”
“That’s fine by me,” Jim said with a grin before adding, “you can even invite them all to dinner if you want.”
“You don’t mind,” the captain said with a grin as he turned back and offered his hand to my husband. “I’m sure your wife will be happy to have an excuse to cook for us again.”
“I’ll think about it,” my husband replied with an arched eyebrow as he shook the captain’s hand. He then looked back at me and added, “But I don’t think I’ll cook for so many people again unless I know for sure that they’ll be okay with it.”
“Of course, they will,” the captain replied with a grin as he nodded and added, “so I’d say that you should cook for them again if you can.”
“Would you like to cook for us again?” one of the women asked my husband with a laugh as she turned to look at him while adding, “and then tell us what you’re cooking?”
“I think it would be fun to cook for you again,” my husband replied with a shrug and added, “but perhaps we should do something different this time instead of the same thing.”
“We can talk about it over dinner,” the captain replied as he motioned for us all to follow him. He was still wearing his fancy cowboy hat and gloves even though he wasn’t wearing his suit jacket; in fact, he was wearing only his dress shirt and slacks.
But he looked just as handsome in his fancy clothes as he did in his regular clothes. I wondered if all people wore their best clothes when they were going to meet other people. It made sense since they would be meeting each other’s families.
I looked down at my dress and remembered that I was wearing my best dress. I couldn’t help but smile when I thought about how much my mother had enjoyed seeing me in my fancy dress. She had been so proud of me when she saw me wearing a dress.
She had even asked me if I’d like her to take some pictures of me in my fancy dress. It would be nice if she took pictures of me in my fancy dress again. It might be hard since she wasn’t here anymore. But I could ask Robert or even one of the ranch hands to take pictures of me in my fancy dress.
I followed Jim’s lead as he walked along with the captain and the rest of us on our way to the saloon. After all, we were going to be meeting the families of these people; it was only proper that we show them respect.
We didn’t know how long we had been going to be staying at the ranch, but surely it would be longer than just this evening. We might even choose to stay longer if we felt like it. And if we did decide to stay on the ranch longer, then we would need to get to know these people better.
We might even choose to stay closer to a big city like Denver or Salt Lake City instead of staying on an isolated ranch in Montana. But it was still nice that we were staying at the ranch instead of having to ride out to find somewhere decent to sleep.
It was also nice that we were going to meet these people tonight instead of waiting until tomorrow or later. We could always meet more people if we wanted to, but we would never know if we didn’t try. And so we followed along behind the captain and his wife and found that Jim was right. They would all be having a good time together.
We walked past the saloon’s entrance and turned toward the front when suddenly I heard a loud voice call out from behind me.
“And who are these two lovely ladies?”
I turned around and saw a short woman with a tight bun of white hair standing behind me as she glared down at me with her red-rimmed eyes before adding, “Don’t you know how to introduce yourselves properly?”
“I’m sorry,” I said as I held out my hand and added with a smile, “but perhaps you could call me by my first name.”
“You must be Mrs. Buchanan,” my mother said as she walked up next to me and offered her hand to the woman, “and this is your daughter.”
“We’ll see about that,” Mrs. Buchanan replied as she glared at both of us before adding, “but let me guess… you’re going by some fancy name like Samantha or Kelly.”
“We’re not going by any name,” I said as I held up my hand and added with a smile, “but we’re happy to meet you, Mrs. Buchanan.”
“And who do you think you are?” Mrs. Buchanan snapped back with a scowl on her face as she turned to look at Jim’s mother before adding, “you think you can come into our saloon and call us by our first names?”
“We’ll call you Mrs. Buchanan,” Jim’s mother said with a scowl of her own as she replied, “but please call us by our given name.”
“Mrs. Buchanan!” Jim’s father shouted out from behind us as he came out of the saloon with his two sons in tow, “we’re having a nice conversation here.”
“I’m sure she’ll only be in here for a short while,” Mrs. Buchanan replied as she glared at us before adding, “and then she’ll go back where she belongs.”
“What do you mean where she belongs?” Jim’s father snarled as he turned around and looked at us with bloodshot eyes, “and what is this nonsense about calling us by our given names?”
“Mrs. Buchanan,” his wife said as she took his arm and added with a smile, “we’re happy to meet your family.”
“Fine,” Mrs. Buchanan replied with a scowl as she turned away from us before adding, “but don’t think for one minute that I’m going to call you by your given names.”
“We’ll see about that,” Jim’s mother said with a smile before adding, “but we’re happy to meet you.”
“And we’re happy to meet you,” Jim’s father said as he glared at Mrs. Buchanan before adding, “and if anyone else wants to call us by our given names…”
The rest of their family came out of the saloon and joined in the conversation before Jim’s father warned them all not to call him by his given name or he would knock them cold. And so we chose not to try it. It was obvious that they were all having a nice time together, but some of them seemed a little too friendly.
They seemed like they had just met each other for the first time instead of being relatives who had known each other for years. I wondered if this was what it took for them to get along well together; maybe it was something that only happened in this part of the country.
All I knew was that I preferred meeting people who were more like us and who didn’t try to act too friendly before they knew us better.
Then Jim’s brothers and their wives came out and joined in the conversation around the saloon’s front door as Jim’s mother introduced us around and told them about our trip so far. And before I knew it, we were all laughing as we chatted about our adventures and what we were expecting from our journey ahead of us.
***
When we walked out of the saloon, at last, we found that Jim had already saddled his horse and mine while we were meeting his family inside. And he gave me a quick lesson on how to ride a horse as he told me how to sit on the saddle and hold on to the reins before he mounted his horse and led the way out of town.
Jim’s family had already left the town behind us when we stopped for lunch at a small ranch house near the edge of town and then rode for another hour before stopping for the night at another small ranch house near the train tracks. This time Jim’s family was waiting for us when we came out of the ranch house with their help getting our horses saddled.
The End