Coming Home To Alberta
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I’ve never been so happy to be back in the same place as I am now.
My homecoming to my hometown of Medicine Hat, Alberta is a dream come true—one that I didn’t realize until now when everything seems to be falling apart around me. But it’s not only that, but the reason why I came home has become a nightmare.
I was supposed to be on vacation with my mom and sister; just us girls enjoying a little R&R from our busy lives as doctors at the Royal University Hospital in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. A much-needed break away from work, stress, and all the crap that life had thrown at me these past couple of months.
But instead of relaxing, I’m being interrogated by the police. Not just one officer either, there are three of them and they look pissed! As if I could forget about what happened in Edmonton over a week ago, but no matter how much time passes I still feel like shit every single day for the things I said and did to my dad.
And now it feels even worse because I let him down and put everyone in danger, including my little sister, who’s right beside me crying her eyes out.
“I can’t believe you’d do such a stupid thing,” she cries as tears stream down her face. “What were you thinking? How could you be so cruel?” She hugs herself tightly and buries her head in my shoulder. I rub her back awkwardly, trying to figure out what to say, or should I say…what NOT to say.
How do I tell her that it wasn’t her fault? That it was mine alone and I have to accept the consequences of my actions? Even though I didn’t do anything to hurt anyone, except maybe myself, I feel like a complete jerk for putting us all through this.
My dad isn’t the only person here suffering; Mom and Ashley are too. It’s like I’ve taken everyone’s happiness and turned it into sadness with just one stupid decision.
My parent’s marriage had always been on the rocks and when they divorced five years ago, it was pretty clear where my mother stood. I’d seen them fight and argue before, but this? This was something else. When we moved to Saskatoon, everything changed.
There wasn’t any more fighting, yelling, or screaming—just peace and calm. It was like they forgot about their differences in front of me and my sister, even if it was just for a few minutes every night before bedtime.
And then I left…again. For the second time. And now, it’s all coming back to bite me in the ass. Because I came back, and not for good reasons either. I came home because my best friend died in a car accident and I couldn’t handle the guilt.
He was my ride to school every day and he would’ve been here with me right now if I hadn’t made that choice. So yeah, it sounds crazy, but I know it was the right decision at the time and that’s why I’m still standing strong.
“It was an accident. You can’t blame yourself for something that wasn’t your fault.”
“But he’s gone and we’ll never get to see him again,” she says softly.
“You don’t understand,” I say quietly as I take a deep breath and look up to meet her tear-filled hazel eyes. “I’m not blaming myself. I’m saying that sometimes bad things happen without any warning and it can change your whole life forever.”
Her eyes fill with sadness once more, but she nods her head.
“Okay. Just promise me you’ll be careful next time,” she says, sniffling.
I give her a small smile and squeeze her hand.
“You won’t ever have to worry about me leaving again,” I say with all sincerity. “As long as I live, you can count on me.”
She smiles at me and wipes her eyes quickly, making sure to hide her red, puffy cheeks from everyone’s view. Then she turns and looks behind me and I follow her gaze and immediately turn bright red when I spot Officer Johnson standing there with a smug grin plastered on his face.
“Oh god!” Mom yells as she runs towards him.
“Hey, I thought you guys had already left,” he replies with a smile as Mom embraces him in a hug.
“We have, but we decided to stop here first,” she answers with a giggle.
“Well, it’s good to see you again, Mrs. Andrews,” he replies with a polite nod.
Mom takes my arm and walks with me into the house.
“Where’s Ashley?” I ask anxiously.
“In the guest room,” she replies with a smile as we walk inside. “She said she wanted some privacy.”
“That’s fine with me.”
“Good, because she has a surprise for you,” she whispers with a wink.
Then I hear my sister yell, “Surprise!” as she bursts through the door from the living room and comes flying full speed at me.
“Drew!” She wraps her arms around my neck and squeezes hard enough to break bones. “Thank you so much for coming home.” She pulls back and smiles brightly, causing me to return her expression. “So…how was your summer?”
I laugh and shake my head, remembering all the fun I had with my friends during those three months I was away from home.
“I had a great time, but you know how it is when you’re away from home,” I reply and shrug my shoulders.
“Yeah, I guess I do,” she says and laughs. “Are you hungry? We made lasagna earlier, so you’re in luck.”
I nod my head. “Sounds amazing,” I reply with a huge smile. “What kind of surprises did Ashley have in store for me?”
My mom laughs at my innocent question. “You really have no idea what she’s planning, do you?”
I roll my eyes. “No.”
She shakes her head. “Okay, let’s go eat dinner,” she replies and grabs my hand. “I’ll tell you all about it later, okay?”
The rest of the evening goes by without incident. Ashley tells me all about her surprise and I can’t believe the way she surprised me with a brand new Xbox. It’s pretty badass, actually. It has all sorts of cool features that I’ve never seen before. I spend hours playing games that night until I finally fall asleep in bed beside her.
I wake up to the sound of birds chirping outside the window.
“Mmm,” Ashley hums as she rolls over and kisses me gently on the lips.
“Morning,” I whisper.
“Morning,” she replies back and yawns. “Did you sleep well?”
I nod my head. “It was nice to get to rest for a change.”
“Me too,” she replies as she rubs her hand along the side of my face. “I think I fell asleep while we were playing video games last night.”
“Really? That’s the best surprise you could come up with?”
“Well, I had to start from scratch since I only brought one controller,” she says with a playful smirk on her face. “And, you have to admit, it was pretty impressive considering you weren’t expecting it.”
I laugh out loud. “Yeah, it was.”
“Do you want some coffee?” she asks as she crawls across the bed and gets off.
I sit up and watch her ass in motion as she walks to the kitchen in a pair of blue cotton panties and a matching blue tank top.
“You’re getting more comfortable being naked around me,” I say and chuckle.
She whips her hair over her shoulder and turns back to me with an annoyed expression. “What makes you say that?”
“Well, for starters, you don’t wear anything when you’re in bed anymore.”
Her mouth opens and closes several times like she can’t find any words to respond with. Finally, she just shakes her head and walks back towards me with two mugs in her hands.
“Come and sit down,” she commands as she sets the mugs on my nightstand. “You look exhausted.”
I sigh and lay back down on the bed. “I’m not tired, I promise,” I reply and take a sip of the hot coffee she gave me.
Ashley sits next to me on the bed and looks at me intently for a few seconds. Then her fingers trace the outline of my jawline with a gentle touch. She then traces the line of my eyebrows and follows them up towards my forehead with her other hand. When her eyes meet mine again, she leans in and kisses my nose lightly.
“You need to relax,” she whispers.
I roll my eyes. “I am relaxed,” I whisper back.
She smiles sweetly and strokes my cheek. “No, you’re not.”
I look into her dark brown eyes. Her gaze is soft and warm and she’s holding back tears. But, I notice her pupils are dilated and her cheeks are flushed. I wonder if it’s my fault she’s feeling sad. Did I scare her somehow? If so, why is she trying to cover it up so well?
She looks away and wipes her eyes quickly with her forearm. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
I shake my head. “I’m not sure. Maybe because I’m worried about you?”
She sighs heavily and pulls me in close. My arms instinctively wrap around her waist as she rests her head on my chest.
“Is this okay?” she whispers against my shirt. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”
I cup her chin and turn her face toward me.
“Of course, it is,” I say. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good,” she whispers back with a big smile. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I feel like we’re growing apart.”
“Oh,” I whisper softly. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I’m glad you understand,” she says as she brushes a strand of hair from my eyes. “It’s time for us to move on to the next phase in our relationship.”
“But, we’re already there,” I reply. “We already have a house, jobs, and everything else. I mean, we live together and-“
“That’s not what I’m talking about,” she interrupts and pulls her face away from mine. “We’ve talked about moving in with each other, but we haven’t talked about how it will be after that. Do you even know what you want?”
I tilt my head to the side and give her a confused expression. “What do you mean?”
“Well, are we going to keep seeing other people or…” she trails off and glances over my shoulder at the door. “Or, is there someone special waiting for you somewhere?”
I swallow hard as a lump forms in my throat. Ashley always knows what to say to hurt me. But, at the same time, it makes me feel good knowing she cares so much about me. It makes me feel wanted.
She nods slowly and squeezes me tight in her arms. “I’m not saying anything bad. I just want to know where we stand. Because I love you and I don’t want to lose you.”
I hug her tighter and bury my face into the crook of her neck. She smells like fresh flowers mixed with some sort of light perfume. A sweet mixture that makes me smile every time.
“You won’t ever lose me,” I whisper to her. “I would never go anywhere without you. You know that right?”
“Yes, but…” she pauses to think for a moment and then pulls away slightly from my embrace. “I still care about you, even though you’ve moved on with your life. I’m jealous and I wish I could share those feelings with you.”
I frown and try not to show her how much this hurts my heart. The truth is that I am happy for Ashley and that’s why I can’t let myself get too close to her. I have my own dreams and I refuse to ruin them by getting tangled up in hers. But, I know that won’t stop her from pushing me further away.
“It’ll be fine,” I tell her. “You’re beautiful and smart and successful. That man out there doesn’t deserve you.”
Her eyebrows furrow as she studies my face carefully. I hope she sees all the sincerity in my eyes, otherwise, I might have said something wrong. But, as I look up into her eyes I see only sadness there.
“If he loves you, then you should take him,” she replies. “He’s good for you. I know that for certain now. But, no matter how much better you two are than me, I’ll always care about you. So, if you want to date someone else, you shouldn’t be ashamed to tell me who he is.”
There’s more I want to say, but instead, I nod and smile softly.
“Okay,” she replies sadly. “I won’t push anymore. We’ve talked enough today already.”
I kiss her cheek and hold her tight again before letting her go. I watch her walk over to the bed and sit down on the edge with her knees pulled to her chest. I’m tempted to join her, but instead, I make my way out of her room and head upstairs to take a shower.
***
When I finally wake up, it’s almost eleven o’clock. The sunlight streaming in through the window tells me that it’s already Sunday morning. And, since it’s the weekend, I decide to skip class. After a quick shower, I put on a pair of jeans and one of my favorite flannel shirts.
Then, I make my way downstairs and pull out the coffee machine from beneath the counter. As I wait for it to finish brewing, I glance over at Ashley’s bedroom door. Her voice seems to carry clearly in the kitchen from where I stand.
“You can stay here tonight,” she calls out. “I don’t mind if you’re not in a rush to get home.”
My stomach drops as I listen to her offer. I knew it was coming and yet I’m still surprised when she makes her request. This isn’t the first time Ashley has slept over since we’ve started living together, but it’s definitely the last time I’ll let her stay. There’s no way I could relax knowing that she’s in the house while I’m gone.
After taking three cups of strong coffee, I fill two plastic bottles with water and place them in the fridge before heading back upstairs. When I enter Ashley’s room, she looks up at me with sad eyes.
“Is this goodbye?” she asks quietly.
“No,” I reply and sit beside her on the bed. “We both need time apart,” I pause and rub her arm. “But, I promise I’ll be back soon. Just… be careful out there.”
Ashley leans forward and kisses my cheek before pulling away and standing up. She turns around and walks toward the bathroom door and disappears inside. I watch her for a moment and then turn around to leave her room.
Before exiting, however, I grab my backpack and shove it under my bed along with my textbooks. The only thing I keep on my nightstand is the photo of us that Ashley gave me years ago.
As I make my way down the stairs, I realize how lucky I truly am to have such an incredible woman in my life. Ashley is the most special girl I have ever known and even though it pains me to break up with her, she deserves so much more than what I have to offer her.
In order to protect her heart, I must do whatever it takes to ensure our relationship doesn’t end up hurting either one of us in the long run.
When I reach the bottom of the steps, I feel a small amount of guilt creep up on me. But, it quickly dissipates when I remember my dream and how perfect she is in it. Ashley was exactly the same way last night.
She was beautiful and kind and loving and I couldn’t ask for anything more from a girl like her. I guess I can understand why she’s struggling so hard to accept the fact that she’ll never be my girlfriend. But, I can tell by how sad she is right now that she knows deep down that things can’t continue as they are.
When I step outside, the sun is shining brightly above me and I squint against its rays. I pull my sunglasses off and toss them onto the table next to the door before walking past the backyard gate and turning left towards campus.
The campus is nearly deserted this late in the morning and I walk around alone until I arrive at my classroom. When I enter the building, everyone is sitting at their desks and working on a project together. The teacher walks over to the board and starts writing something while the students start typing on their keyboards.
For once in my life, I actually wish I had homework. It would give me an excuse to sit at a desk all day and focus on a single task instead of constantly thinking about how Ash is doing. However, I know it’d be pointless to try and finish my work now since I’ve skipped classes. My professor probably wouldn’t notice or care either way.
As I make my way towards the back of the classroom, my gaze shifts across the room to find Ash staring at me as well. Her head is turned slightly, so I can’t see her eyes, but her mouth is curled into a big smile.
It makes me want to turn around and run away, but I refuse to do so. Instead, I make my way towards my seat and stop a few feet in front of her.
“Good morning,” I say and then turn away from her.
My voice breaks as I look back in her direction, but Ashley doesn’t seem to mind. She’s too busy watching my every move. I wonder if she knows that she’s been looking at me all morning or if she just figured that out now. Either way, she’s giving me a chance to talk to her without anyone noticing us. And, after everything we’ve discussed yesterday, I’m not going to waste it.
“I thought you might come,” she says.
“What did you think?” I whisper.
“That you would be here,” she replies with a shrug. “And then… that maybe we would end up in your bedroom.”
Her statement hits home with me like a punch to the stomach and I turn away from her again. She doesn’t know I already came here this morning, yet somehow she guessed that I would be coming back to visit.
“Are you okay?” she asks and then reaches out for my hand. “Because… I’m worried about you.”
Ashley has no idea what happened this morning and it hurts me knowing that she thinks I’m depressed because I broke up with her.
“I’m fine,” I reply. “Really.”
Ashley nods her head and releases my hand before standing up and walking towards the exit. I follow behind her as she heads outside and crosses the yard to where she parked her car in front of the school.
When we get there, I lean against the side of her car and look up at her as she sits down beside me. She wraps her arm around my waist and tugs on my shirt to get me to wrap my arm around her as well. For a moment, it feels almost like old times. Then, Ashley pulls away from me and gets out of the car without saying goodbye.
Before I can react, she closes the door behind her and walks away. I stand up and walk around the back of her vehicle, but I don’t chase after her this time. Instead, I watch her as she climbs into her car and drives away. She’s leaving me and it really bothers me.
I decide to go home for lunch rather than stay at the university, even though I’m still unsure about what to do now. I can’t help wondering how things would have gone between us if Ashley hadn’t told me to stay away from her house last night.
Maybe she would’ve stayed and talked to me until it was time to leave for our movie date. Maybe she would’ve kissed me goodnight before leaving and then returned later in the evening so we could finish talking. Or maybe she wouldn’t have come here at all today. Who knows?
I’m lost in my thoughts when someone suddenly grabs my arm from behind. I turn around and find myself face-to-face with a tall blonde girl dressed in a navy blue skirt and black blouse.
“Hi,” she says with a smile. “You must be Ben.”
I nod my head.
“Ashley said I should introduce myself since we’re classmates,” she tells me. “I’m Claire.”
“Nice to meet you, Claire,” I reply.
“Please tell me that you didn’t go all the way back to your apartment to change clothes before heading here,” she adds. “I mean…” She glances around the parking lot as if looking for Ashley’s car before lowering her voice and whispering, “I can totally picture you getting changed in a bathroom stall or something.”
Her comment catches me off guard and I laugh, but only a little bit.
“No, I wasn’t changing my clothes,” I reply. “I actually got here a little early so I walked to campus first.”
Claire raises an eyebrow at me before turning her attention back to the parking lot. I follow her gaze to find Ashley pulling out of her space and making her way towards the main street leading out of the neighborhood.
She looks over her shoulder at me one more time, smiles, and then takes off, leaving me behind.
“Well, that’s a relief,” Claire tells me with a chuckle. “Because… oh my god! What the hell is wrong with her?”
The End