Burger Boy
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I was in the middle of a dream about being chased by an army. I had no idea why, but it seemed to be important that they catch me before I could get away and find my friends who were somewhere out there on this strange planet called Earth.
The problem with dreams is you can’t just wake up whenever you want; if your brain wants something bad enough then it will keep going until someone wakes you up or you pass out from exhaustion. And so here I am running through some sort of jungle while trying not to trip over all these vines hanging down everywhere.
It’s like one big obstacle course designed specifically for people without legs. Then suddenly everything goes black as my head hits the ground hard.
“Ow!”
My eyes open slowly at first because I’m still dazed. But when I see what’s standing above me looking down at me, I quickly sit bolt upright again. “What are you doing?” I ask him angrily.
He looks confused for a moment, which makes sense since he has no mouth and only two holes where his nose should go. He also doesn’t have any arms either except for those weird things sticking out of his shoulders instead. Finally, after staring blankly at me for several seconds, he says: “You’re awake.”
I stare back at him dumbfounded. How does he know? Is he telepathic too? Or maybe he somehow knows how long we’ve been asleep. Either way, I don’t really care right now. All I need to do is figure out what happened to us last night. So far I haven’t seen anyone else around besides him.
That means whoever brought us here must already be gone. Which leaves me wondering…where did they take us exactly? We didn’t end up anywhere near our ship. If anything, we ended up pretty much nowhere at all. In fact, I think I remember hearing the word ‘Earth’ mentioned once or twice during the whole ordeal. Maybe that’s where we are!
“Where are we anyway?” I say aloud.
The creature shrugs. “We’re in Africa,” he replies.
Africa?! What the hell kind of name is that for a place? Who names their continent after such a boring-sounding country? Not even France would dare call itself that. Hell, I’d rather live in Madagascar than spend another minute in this stupid landlocked nation full of nothing more than endless savannah grasslands and wild animals.
At least Madagascar sounds exotic and exciting compared to this.
But wait…what did he mean by saying we were in Africa? Wasn’t Earth supposed to be located somewhere completely different? Like Mars or Venus perhaps? This couldn’t possibly be Earth. Could it?
“How do you know where we are?” I demand.
“It’s obvious,” he answers matter-of-factly. “Look outside.”
I look out into the distance and sure enough, there’s a huge mountain range off on the horizon. There’s also a large river flowing nearby, though I can’t tell whether it’s a lake or ocean. Whatever its size, I definitely wouldn’t mind taking a dip in it. My clothes feel sticky from sweat and I’m starting to smell myself. Plus, I’m hungry as well, which isn’t helping matters any.
“Why are you acting so surprised?” he asks curiously. “Did you expect us to come flying out of thin air?”
That’s actually a good question. I guess I never thought about it before. After all, I figured we’d just materialize wherever we wanted to appear. Why shouldn’t we? I mean, aren’t we gods? Aren’t we supposed to be able to create whatever world we want whenever we please? Yet here I am sitting next to a talking monkey who claims he came out of nowhere.
“Well, yeah…” I answer hesitantly. “I suppose you could say that.”
“Good,” he responds happily. “Because I wasn’t lying when I said we weren’t alone. You’ll meet them soon enough.”
Wait, what? Meet who? I glance over at him suspiciously. “Who are you referring to?”
“They’re coming,” he explains. “And they won’t be happy to see you.”
Great. Just great. Now I’m getting visions of a bunch of angry aliens chasing me across the African plains. They probably have laser guns and rocket launchers strapped to their backs. No doubt they’re armed to the teeth with high-tech weaponry capable of vaporizing me instantly.
And judging by the way he talks, I’m guessing they speak English too. I wonder how many languages he speaks. Probably every single language is known to man. The guy seems like an encyclopedia of knowledge.
Still, I try not to let my imagination get carried away. For one thing, I’ve heard stories about people being abducted by aliens before. Most of these tales involve some poor sap waking up in a strange room wearing a hospital gown while doctors perform tests on him.
Some of the abductees claim they’ve been subjected to various medical experiments including brain scans, blood draws, and spinal taps. Others describe having their bodies probed and prodded by alien beings using probes and needles. Still, others report having their minds read and memories erased.
These accounts usually end with the victims being taken aboard spaceships and experimented upon until they eventually die. But then again, most of these stories are complete bullshit. People make stuff up just because they want attention. It’s sad but true.
So why would I believe someone claiming to be an extraterrestrial? Especially if that person happens to be a talking monkey? Well, I don’t know. Truthfully speaking, I still find it hard to swallow that this is happening. Even now, I’m struggling to accept reality. Maybe I should go back home and forget everything that happened. Then maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow morning and discover none of this ever took place. That might sound nice right about now.
Unfortunately, I can’t do anything about it. So instead, I decided to keep quiet and play along. Besides, I really need to pee.
***
After spending several minutes staring out into the distance, I finally realize something else: I’m thirsty. Really thirsty. I haven’t had a drink since yesterday afternoon. I’m dehydrated and I desperately need water. Unfortunately, I can’t ask the creature for help. He doesn’t seem interested in giving me any.
In fact, he hasn’t spoken a word since we landed. Instead, he continues to sit motionless on his rock, watching me closely. I think he’s waiting for me to leave. Or maybe he wants to kill me. Either way, I’m not going anywhere without a few bottles of Gatorade first.
“Hey!” I yell angrily. “You got any food around here?”
The monkey looks down at me with surprise. “Food?”
“Yeah! Food,” I repeated impatiently. “Something to eat.”
He shakes his head slowly. “No. We don’t have any food.”
“What?” I exclaim. “Are you serious? What kind of planet are you living on? Don’t you guys even grow crops or hunt animals?”
“We have no land to farm on,” he replies. “There isn’t much vegetation either. All we have is trees and rocks.”
Okay…that makes sense. There wouldn’t be much point in growing plants if there was nothing to harvest from them. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised though. This whole situation feels surreal. After all, I’m standing next to a talking monkey who claims he’s an alien. Who knows what other surprises await me?
“How did you survive anyway?” I ask.
“Survive?” he repeats. “I didn’t live long ago. Not anymore. My life ended after I met your friend.”
My eyes widen as I stare at him incredulously. “Your what?”
“She killed me,” he says simply. “But she also saved me. She gave me another chance at life. A new beginning. At least that’s what I told her. Because that’s exactly what happened. One day, I woke up and found myself alive once more.”
I frown deeply. “Why would she do such a thing?”
“It wasn’t easy,” he admits. “At first, I tried to fight against her. To resist. But when I realized I couldn’t win, I decided to change my ways. I stopped fighting and started listening. Eventually, I learned to trust her. And I discovered that I could rely on her. You see, I knew I needed help.
Help to find my way through this world. Without it, I’d never last very long. So I asked her to guide me and protect me.”
“Protect you?” I question curiously.
“Yes,” he explains. “That’s how our relationship began. As friends. Later, we became lovers too. Our love grew stronger over time. Until one day, we were married. Together, we lived happily for many years. Although I always worried about losing her. About dying before I saw the sun rise again. I feared death so much that I spent every moment trying to stay alive. Every single second. No matter what it cost me.”
“And then…” I begin hesitantly. “Then what happened?”
“One night, while sleeping, I felt something strange. An unusual sensation. It came from deep within me. Like a sudden burst of energy. I opened my eyes and looked around. Everything seemed normal. The room was dark but otherwise unaltered.
Yet somehow, I sensed something different. Something powerful. Powerful enough to make me feel like I was floating above the ground. For some reason, I thought I heard a voice calling to me. Calling me by name. I turned toward the source of the sound and suddenly, I understood its meaning.
I remembered where I belonged. Where I truly wanted to be. With my wife. By her side. Forever. So I reached out and touched her face. Just as I had done countless times before. Only this time, I held onto her tightly. Never letting go. Ever.”
His words send chills running down my spine. They’re beautiful and sad at the same time. I want to hug him, hold him close, and tell him everything will be okay. That he’ll find happiness again someday. But I know better than anyone that things aren’t that simple. Especially not for someone like him. Someone who has been dead longer than they’ve ever existed.
“So you died?” I whisper softly.
“Not quite,” he replies sadly. “Instead, I fell asleep forever. Sleeping until the end of days. When I awoke, I found myself back home. Back in my own body. Alive once more.”
“Wow,” I say quietly. “That must have been amazing.”
“Amazing?” He laughs. “Don’t get me wrong. Being reborn into a new life was incredible. But it still pales compared to being reunited with my beloved. Nothing can compare to that feeling of true belonging. Of knowing I belong somewhere. In someone else’s arms. I finally felt complete.
Completely satisfied. Happy. Content. Even joyful. I was happy because I knew I’d found peace. Peaceful acceptance of my fate. Acceptance that I would die soon. Soon enough to reunite with my soulmate. Then I would return to the afterlife together. We would meet again in heaven.
Finally, we would rest peacefully beside each other. Side-by-side. Forever. That’s why I called her my ‘soul mate.’ Because that’s exactly what she was. My perfect match. My eternal companion. My soul mate.”
He pauses briefly as his eyes glaze over. His expression turns distant and far away. Lost in memories of happier times. Times filled with laughter and joy. Memories of a man and woman who loved each other dearly. Who shared their lives with others. Friends and family alike. People who cared about them both.
“What happened next?” I ask.
“After I regained consciousness, I went straight to her,” he continues. “To my wife. I embraced her warmly and kissed her passionately. She smiled lovingly at me. Smiled just as brightly as I did. Her smile made me realize that nothing could possibly tear us apart now.
Not even death itself. Death couldn’t keep us away from one another any longer. Now that we were together, we wouldn’t let anything stop us from living. From loving. Or from growing old together. I promised her that no matter what, we would live happily ever after. And we meant it.
Deep down inside, we really believed it. We didn’t care if people laughed or mocked us behind our backs. If they said we were crazy. Insane. Fools. All we cared about was staying together. Living happily. Growing older. Together. Always.”
I watch him intently. Trying hard to understand what he means. What he’s trying to convey. How he feels. Why did he choose to share such personal details with me? After all, I’m only human. A mere mortal. While he is… well, whatever he actually is.
“Why are you telling me this?” I ask. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me.”
“No,” he says simply. “But I do owe you an explanation. You saved my life. Saved me from certain doom. Without your help, I might never have gotten the chance to see my wife again. To spend eternity with her. Instead, I would have remained trapped here on Earth. Trapped in limbo.
Waiting endlessly for the day when I would be reunited with her. Eventually, I lost hope altogether. I gave up. Decided there was no point in fighting anymore. No purpose in continuing to struggle against my fate.
The End