“I tell you, he’s going to crack up”

“No, he won’t. I don’t think so”

“Yes, he will. It won’t be long now”

“He will not, he is tough, you know that”

“And that toughness is what’s going to betray him”

Roy looked around him. He’s sure he heard voices talking, but there’s nobody around. His kids have all left for school, he’s all alone in his house now.

Dismissing the voices he heard as some passersby who might be talking too loud, Roy looked at the clock. Seeing that it’s almost 8 o’clock, he hurriedly took a bath, get dressed and went off to work. Just another day of being late at work.

“Look at him, he seems to have no cares at all”

“He doesn’t, and you know that”

“I hope so… I hope so”

Roy went in his daily routine in the office. Doing some paperworks, checking some documents, reading and responding to emails, and other stuff that he seems to perform in a “mechanical” sort of way.

After work, he went straight home. It was almost 7 p.m. when he reached their house, where his three kids are already waiting.

Fortunately for Roy, his son can already cook, that is why dinner was already prepared. After changing clothes, he called on the kids so they can take their dinner.

“A picture of a happy family!”

“Yes, they are. That’s why I can’t understand where you’re getting your idea about Roy”

“Like I said, a picture of a happy family… only, there’s something lacking in the picture… someone, rather”

Roy looks at his kids, they were all conversing. Happily talking about the day that just passed. They all seem to be happy.

Roy wonders… it seems his kids don’t even hear a whisper…. only he is hearing the voices…

After dinner, the kids took care of the dishes. Roy checked on his email for a while, and then went to bed.

The kids also went to bed early. Such is their routine.

It’s more than two years since Roy’s wife passed away. He was left with their three kids – Ralph, Edgar, and Angel. He is thankful though that his wife raised them well. Young as they are, the kids are already responsible, they took the death of their mother quite bravely… they were able to move on.

Roy also went on with his life. Attending to the needs of the kids, trying to do his best to continue where his wife left off in guiding their children. He wasn’t really much of a good role model, but he’s trying.

His friends sometimes can’t help but admire Roy for his strong faith, like he can handle any storm that comes in his life… and there were many of them. The passing of his wife seemed to be the biggest blow of all.

Roy wasn’t used to being alone… much more, being in charge. Nobody knew it, but it was his wife who would always push Roy to give his best… she alone knows how to encourage him… she alone understands him.

But now, Roy has to continue… he has three kids to take care of. He can’t wait for anybody to push him, he needs to push himself… he is all alone.

Sometimes, he would take the kids out… either to eat, see a movie, or just spend time in the mall. He wants his kids to be close to each other when they grow up. So that when he’s gone, they would look after one another.

His daily routine would be like that… work… home… work. He never really had a social life. He never wanted any.

“It’s a good thing I did not take you on your bet, otherwise, you could have loss”

“Who says I’ve loss? I still want to take that bet if you’re up to it”

“You mean, you still believe that…”

“Of course, I do!”

Days went by with Roy’s daily routine. Nothing changes… day in, day out.

No one would suspect because he would always wear a happy face, with nary a hint of any trouble inside.

Everything was fine.

One evening, the kids were all waiting for their father… it’s almost 10 p.m. but he is not yet home. The kids were worried.

Night passed and the morning came, but there wasn’t a shadow of Roy in the house. There were no calls even. The kids were very much worried.

Ralph called on their grandmother, Roy’s mother, to tell her about their father. She immediately went to the kids, while Roy’s sister and nieces went around town looking for him.

They went to his office and asked, but all they can say was he just took off fine the other day. They went to hospitals and precincts to ask, but neither have any record nor heard about Roy.

No clues. Where could he be?

Days… weeks… months has passed, and there were neither signs nor news about Roy. His mother took care of the kids, making sure that they could go with their lives normally.

Still, they were looking for their father…

It’s been almost a year, while the kids have accepted the fact that they may never see their father, they still miss him and hope that someday they will find him again.

Meanwhile, in some corner in the street at the downtown, there’s a man who sits on the side of the street. He has a hair so long that it almost covers his face, and from the looks of it, it seems the man haven’t taken a bath for quite a long time. His face was beyond recognition, he was almost covered with charcoal… or was it grease?

He wore a white t-shirt that has many holes, or it more seem like, a hole with a t-shirt on it. His pants, ragged and all, can’t be assured if it was really black or it was all dirt.

Passersby would always move away when they approach his location, because aside from his scary looks, they can smell him stink even from miles away.

“See! I told you he would snap! It took longer than I expected, but eventually he did”

“Yeah, I really thought he won’t. I really wish he did not”

Just then, the ragged man stood up and approached the two individuals, “Who are you people? Why are you always following me?!” he asked in a rather harsh voice.

“What?! You mean you can see us?!”

“Why are you surprised? Of course, he can see us! He’s on our plane now. He can see us now… and so his other persona”

Just then, the three men were suddenly surrounded by ten people. No, more like twenty people… perhaps even more.

They come in different shapes and sizes – man, woman, kids, adult, old, fat, short, thin, tall, grumpy, happy, black, white, brown… but what’s funny, the ragged man noticed, all the people looked the same.

They all seem to have the same face… they all look like… Roy

“Good morning, honey! Did you sleep well?” I asked Matthew as he enters the kitchen.

“I don’t know Mom,” he replied, rubbing his eyes, “what’s for breakfast?” and seated himself on the table.

“Here you go honey, pancakes for you… soft and fluffy, just the way you like them,” as I plant a big morning kiss on my 6-year old boy. “and of course, your favorite chocolate syrup for your pancake.”

“Thanks mom! You’re really the best!” he enthusiastically replied, and gave me a big hug.

R-r-r-r-i-i-i-i-i-n-g!

It only took one ring from the telephone to bring me back to reality, where I found myself alone in the kitchen… with no Matthew around

R-r-r-r-i-i-i-i-i-n-g! R-r-i-i-i-n-g!

My coffee have gone cold, I wasn’t even able to take a sip, I was busy thinking

R-r-r-r-i-i-i-i-i-n-g! R-r-i-i-i-n-g!

I was not really in a hurry to answer the phone

R-r-r-r-i-i-i-i-i-n-g! R-r-i-i-i-n-g!

Maybe because I knew that it’s my mother, who consistently calls every morning to check how I was and maybe to find out if I made it through the night.

R-r-r-r-i-i-i-i-i-n-g! R-r-i-i-i-n-g!

Finally, I stood and picked up the phone, “Hi Mom!”

“Liza!” said the voice on the other line, “why can’t you answer the phone immediately? I know, don’t tell me, you’re thinking about Matthew again, right?” my mother asked

I was silent… I didn’t reply

“It’s been six years already, why can’t you let go? There’s nothing more you can do now.”

“I know mom,” tears started running down my cheeks, “I’m trying my best mom, I do.”

“Oh, I’m sorry sweetie. I didn’t mean to be too harsh on you… I’m just worried. You want me to go there?”

“No mom, I’m just fine really. I understand you mom, and I appreciate it. Thank you very much mom. I really have to go now, talk to you later mom. Bye! I love you.”

“Bye sweetie! Take care of yourself now, I love you.”

I got my coat and went to the park… maybe some fresh air would do me good.

Seating on a park bench and taking a sip on my coffee, a ball rolled near my feet, followed by a cute little girl who picked it up, “Good morning little Becky! What a beautiful dress you’re wearing today! Are you having fun in the park?”

“Hi Miss Liza! I’m sorry if my ball disturbed you, I hope you’re not mad.”

“Oh, you sweet little thing, how thoughtful of you. Of course I’m not mad. You’re really a sweet girl, my Matthew would have loved to play with you”

“So where is Matthew? I’ve been hearing his name but I haven’t seen him yet,” she asked.

I was searching for words, I didn’t know what to answer the little girl.

Just then, Becky’s mother approached us and pulled her, she pointed to me and said, “Don’t you ever talk to my girl about your Matthew again, I don’t want her to have anything of it, you understand?!”

“Hey sweetheart, chill! Liza didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t be too hard on her.” That’s George, Becky’s father

“I’m sick and tired of all this Matthew talk, it’s not normal anymore. You should see a doctor girl, A-S-A-P!” Valerie, Becky’s mother, said to me.

“She just miss him honey, let her be”

“She brought it upon herself, George! She’s at fault! She deserved all this!” yelled Valerie

“You know,” said George, “as a mother like her, you should be the first one to understand her”

“She was NEVER a mother!” she quipped

That’s all I can take. I stood up and run as I was silently crying… everything that Valerie said was true… everything!

I run, not knowing where to go… not knowing what to do… and because I wasn’t looking, I bumped into another person….

“I knew I’d find you here,” said a man’s voice who helped me pick myself up after the collision.

“YOU! Get your hands off me!” I shouted when I recognized the face of the man. It’s Vinz, Matthew’s father… rather, supposed-to-be father.

I met Vinz when I was still a gullible 18-year old, he was 22 then.

Vinz was everything I was looking for in a man – in command, full of confidence, tough and yet does not hesitate showing his softness through his sweetness. He showered me with love, caring, tenderness… I thought it would not end.

I loved him so much, our romance lasted for almost two years… until I excitedly surprised him with the news that I was pregnant… but I was more shocked by his revelation.

“I’m really sorry Liza, I’m excited and all about our baby… but I can’t marry you… I am already married.”

I didn’t know how I reacted, or if I even replied or asked questions… I don’t remember anything… everything went blank… I can’t even recall how we parted ways… all I can remember is that, it was the last time I saw him.

Now, after six years, here he is again… standing in front of me…

“I miss you Liza. I’ve been looking for you. Where’s our child? He must be big now, is he?” he excitedly asked.

“You don’t have a child! You don’t have anything! How dare you show your face to me again! Get out of here! You ruined my life! I don’t want to see you again!”

“Please, let me explain Liza… I just went home to…”

“I don’t want to hear what you have to say Vinz…. I don’t want to see you again…” and when I got loose from his grip, I run again… faster this time…

“Liza! I came back for you… my wife, I mean my ex-wife and I are now legally separated… Liza… please…” Vinz was shouting… but I didn’t hear any of it. I was busy running, my mind was spinning… I’m lost, I don’t know what to do… I was confused, I just kept on running

I found myself standing in front of my mother. She was holding back her tears as she opens her arms and gestures for me to come to her.

“Mom…” I said, as I hug her like I was the baby that I used to be…

“Sshhh…” she said, “you’ve been having a bad day, sweetie.” She hugged me back, I miss my mother’s embrace… it was the most comforting place in the world, inside my mother’s arms.

“Come, let’s go to your room so you can rest.”

That night, I was back in the same room that I grew up in… the same bed I was sleeping in six years ago until I decided to be stupid and run away from home. I was scared to tell them I was pregnant… that’s when I went to Aunt Emmy, who took take care of me while I was still deciding on what to do with my baby.

“Mom…” I called her, she was seated on a chair beside the bed, just watching me, “mom, I’m really sorry…”

“Sshhh… don’t worry about anything sweetie… you need to sleep. I know you’re very tired. Go to sleep now honey… you’re home,” and she kissed me in the forehead… and just like that, I was peaceful again…

I don’t know how long I have been sleeping when I heard a voice call me,

“Mommy”

“Matthew, is that you?” I asked. I looked around but I can’t see a thing. Everything was dark.

“I love you mommy,” said the voice of a boy.

“I love you too Matthew, I do my son, I do”

“LIAR! You don’t love me, you NEVER love me!” he accused me.

“But I do, I really love you Matthew, please believe me”

“Why didn’t you give me a chance to feel that love mommy? Why didn’t you give me a chance to hold you… to touch you… to embrace you… to love you… to see you. Why didn’t you let me live mommy? You said you love me… but why mommy? Why?”

“I’m sorry Matthew… I’m really sorry… I was confused… I didn’t know what to do, I was alone… I’m sorry Matthew…” was all I can say while I was crying

“I love you mommy… I love you… I love…” he was saying, as his voice was slowly fading…

“I love you too my son… I’m really sorry… I’m sorry Matthew…”