“Good morning, honey! Did you sleep well?” I asked Matthew as he enters the kitchen.
“I don’t know Mom,” he replied, rubbing his eyes, “what’s for breakfast?” and seated himself on the table.
“Here you go honey, pancakes for you… soft and fluffy, just the way you like them,” as I plant a big morning kiss on my 6-year old boy. “and of course, your favorite chocolate syrup for your pancake.”
“Thanks mom! You’re really the best!” he enthusiastically replied, and gave me a big hug.
R-r-r-r-i-i-i-i-i-n-g!
It only took one ring from the telephone to bring me back to reality, where I found myself alone in the kitchen… with no Matthew around
R-r-r-r-i-i-i-i-i-n-g! R-r-i-i-i-n-g!
My coffee have gone cold, I wasn’t even able to take a sip, I was busy thinking
R-r-r-r-i-i-i-i-i-n-g! R-r-i-i-i-n-g!
I was not really in a hurry to answer the phone
R-r-r-r-i-i-i-i-i-n-g! R-r-i-i-i-n-g!
Maybe because I knew that it’s my mother, who consistently calls every morning to check how I was and maybe to find out if I made it through the night.
R-r-r-r-i-i-i-i-i-n-g! R-r-i-i-i-n-g!
Finally, I stood and picked up the phone, “Hi Mom!”
“Liza!” said the voice on the other line, “why can’t you answer the phone immediately? I know, don’t tell me, you’re thinking about Matthew again, right?” my mother asked
I was silent… I didn’t reply
“It’s been six years already, why can’t you let go? There’s nothing more you can do now.”
“I know mom,” tears started running down my cheeks, “I’m trying my best mom, I do.”
“Oh, I’m sorry sweetie. I didn’t mean to be too harsh on you… I’m just worried. You want me to go there?”
“No mom, I’m just fine really. I understand you mom, and I appreciate it. Thank you very much mom. I really have to go now, talk to you later mom. Bye! I love you.”
“Bye sweetie! Take care of yourself now, I love you.”
I got my coat and went to the park… maybe some fresh air would do me good.
Seating on a park bench and taking a sip on my coffee, a ball rolled near my feet, followed by a cute little girl who picked it up, “Good morning little Becky! What a beautiful dress you’re wearing today! Are you having fun in the park?”
“Hi Miss Liza! I’m sorry if my ball disturbed you, I hope you’re not mad.”
“Oh, you sweet little thing, how thoughtful of you. Of course I’m not mad. You’re really a sweet girl, my Matthew would have loved to play with you”
“So where is Matthew? I’ve been hearing his name but I haven’t seen him yet,” she asked.
I was searching for words, I didn’t know what to answer the little girl.
Just then, Becky’s mother approached us and pulled her, she pointed to me and said, “Don’t you ever talk to my girl about your Matthew again, I don’t want her to have anything of it, you understand?!”
“Hey sweetheart, chill! Liza didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t be too hard on her.” That’s George, Becky’s father
“I’m sick and tired of all this Matthew talk, it’s not normal anymore. You should see a doctor girl, A-S-A-P!” Valerie, Becky’s mother, said to me.
“She just miss him honey, let her be”
“She brought it upon herself, George! She’s at fault! She deserved all this!” yelled Valerie
“You know,” said George, “as a mother like her, you should be the first one to understand her”
“She was NEVER a mother!” she quipped
That’s all I can take. I stood up and run as I was silently crying… everything that Valerie said was true… everything!
I run, not knowing where to go… not knowing what to do… and because I wasn’t looking, I bumped into another person….
“I knew I’d find you here,” said a man’s voice who helped me pick myself up after the collision.
“YOU! Get your hands off me!” I shouted when I recognized the face of the man. It’s Vinz, Matthew’s father… rather, supposed-to-be father.
I met Vinz when I was still a gullible 18-year old, he was 22 then.
Vinz was everything I was looking for in a man – in command, full of confidence, tough and yet does not hesitate showing his softness through his sweetness. He showered me with love, caring, tenderness… I thought it would not end.
I loved him so much, our romance lasted for almost two years… until I excitedly surprised him with the news that I was pregnant… but I was more shocked by his revelation.
“I’m really sorry Liza, I’m excited and all about our baby… but I can’t marry you… I am already married.”
I didn’t know how I reacted, or if I even replied or asked questions… I don’t remember anything… everything went blank… I can’t even recall how we parted ways… all I can remember is that, it was the last time I saw him.
Now, after six years, here he is again… standing in front of me…
“I miss you Liza. I’ve been looking for you. Where’s our child? He must be big now, is he?” he excitedly asked.
“You don’t have a child! You don’t have anything! How dare you show your face to me again! Get out of here! You ruined my life! I don’t want to see you again!”
“Please, let me explain Liza… I just went home to…”
“I don’t want to hear what you have to say Vinz…. I don’t want to see you again…” and when I got loose from his grip, I run again… faster this time…
“Liza! I came back for you… my wife, I mean my ex-wife and I are now legally separated… Liza… please…” Vinz was shouting… but I didn’t hear any of it. I was busy running, my mind was spinning… I’m lost, I don’t know what to do… I was confused, I just kept on running
I found myself standing in front of my mother. She was holding back her tears as she opens her arms and gestures for me to come to her.
“Mom…” I said, as I hug her like I was the baby that I used to be…
“Sshhh…” she said, “you’ve been having a bad day, sweetie.” She hugged me back, I miss my mother’s embrace… it was the most comforting place in the world, inside my mother’s arms.
“Come, let’s go to your room so you can rest.”
That night, I was back in the same room that I grew up in… the same bed I was sleeping in six years ago until I decided to be stupid and run away from home. I was scared to tell them I was pregnant… that’s when I went to Aunt Emmy, who took take care of me while I was still deciding on what to do with my baby.
“Mom…” I called her, she was seated on a chair beside the bed, just watching me, “mom, I’m really sorry…”
“Sshhh… don’t worry about anything sweetie… you need to sleep. I know you’re very tired. Go to sleep now honey… you’re home,” and she kissed me in the forehead… and just like that, I was peaceful again…
I don’t know how long I have been sleeping when I heard a voice call me,
“Mommy”
“Matthew, is that you?” I asked. I looked around but I can’t see a thing. Everything was dark.
“I love you mommy,” said the voice of a boy.
“I love you too Matthew, I do my son, I do”
“LIAR! You don’t love me, you NEVER love me!” he accused me.
“But I do, I really love you Matthew, please believe me”
“Why didn’t you give me a chance to feel that love mommy? Why didn’t you give me a chance to hold you… to touch you… to embrace you… to love you… to see you. Why didn’t you let me live mommy? You said you love me… but why mommy? Why?”
“I’m sorry Matthew… I’m really sorry… I was confused… I didn’t know what to do, I was alone… I’m sorry Matthew…” was all I can say while I was crying
“I love you mommy… I love you… I love…” he was saying, as his voice was slowly fading…
“I love you too my son… I’m really sorry… I’m sorry Matthew…”
Tags: abortion, extra-marital affairs, home, lost son, Matthew, moral, mother, nightmare, pregnancy, repent, sorry, too late
Roy, this is incredible. I have written a short story once about the same theme abortion (The Decision) and it got published in the Woman’s Home Companion way back January 13, 1988. I can genuinely say yours is better; the presentation, slow revelation, the tempo, the organization – this is one hell of a story (foirgive the expression) . You’re a great story teller.
You should try sending your stories to local mags. I can help you. The pay is sufficient , I can say. Good luck and keep writing.
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Oh my! This is really happening nowadays, I don’t know. Maybe because of the media that shows that it is okay?
But the mother having to grieve for 6 long years, I guess, is truthful! It is so hard to recover from abortion, I guess so. Your conscience would really bother you, until the end of your time.
Great Story!
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Hi Jena!
Wow! Thanks for the compliment and appreciation my story.
This story has a lot of firsts for me:
- First time for to write in the first person’s POV, and I’m a woman even!
- First time that a story progressed and ended ‘without my control’ – this was not intended to be an abortion story
- and the first time that my own story (fiction) made me cry
I used to send poems to magazines before too… but none ever gets published nor did I even receive any acknowledgement from them.
‘sure would love to have my stories featured on those magz
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Hi Madz!
You’re quick!
Yes, 6 long years… that’s why Valerie have a point in telling LIza to go see a doctor… it’s hard living with a ‘heavy baggage’ being carried around.
thanks for reading!
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Roy. Roy said: Short Stories Blog : “I’m sorry, Matthew” http://bit.ly/j8IGx via @AddToAny [...]
Hi Liza! Great story, Liza. Ahehehe. Love the way the story unfolded. It took me by surprise. And the funny thing is that you as the author was surprised, too! Liza’s character has told her own story without your help!
Do you read a lot of O. Henry? He specializes in stories with a surprise twist. Like yours.
Lovely work, Roy.
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Roy Reply:
September 24th, 2009 at 7:00 am
Hi Jan!
Thanks!
I don’t know O. Henry, or maybe I’ve read him but I didn’t know it was him (sometimes I was not aware of the authors of the books I read)
Yes, Liza indeed helped me a lot in revealing the story
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Hi Roy! I like how you suspend the revelation until the end. It’s like bulding a dam and them tearing it down with a sudden catharsis.
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Roy Reply:
September 24th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Hi Rey!
Thanks!
I sure hope that it got the intended effect
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Great story Roy! I’m not into creative writing but I can appreciate a good story.
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Roy Reply:
September 25th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Thanks Jhong! You were able to post a comment after all! (bumagsak nga lang sa spam, buti hindi nadelete)
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REALLY NICE SHORT STORY
the only real point I have an issue with and this has nothing to do with this story specifically is that the short stories I find on this and other sites are very, very short. Why not serialize them and get more interesting character development and storyline complexity? Oh well, this be the age of twitter….
THX, themba
http://themzini.wordpress.com
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Roy Reply:
September 25th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Hi Themba!
Thanks! I guess that’s just keeping up with the theme – short stories lol
I appreciate the suggestion, I really wish I could get into that kind of writing so I can dream of writing a novel someday… maybe in the future, who knows?
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Wooot! ang galing mo mag sulat ng short story ah..
Pero medyo long na siya. Pero astig parin! Pwede ka na mag sulat ng book at e compile lahat ng short stories mo.
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Roy Reply:
September 25th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
uy! salamat jehz at naligaw ka sa short stories blog ko
matagal-tagal pa yun, ipunin ko muna mga stories ko hehe…
salamat ulit
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[...] “I’m Sorry Mathew” [Short [...]
What I like about this story, Roy, is that it isn’t overtly judgmental. It shows that abortion is rarely “just a convenient form of birth control” and that the woman faced with such a choice isn’t a monster who can walk away from it unscathed.
There are other stories, too. A friend of mine, years ago, was faced with this “choice” – abort or die, and leave two precious little girls and a grieving husband behind. Kidney disease didn’t leave other options, like carrying the very-much-wanted baby to term. It would die, regardless; she could only choose to die with it, or live for her family.
Unchoice
Their fingers linked
intertwined,
driving past the angry mob
choking back the anguished scream
with pale-faced silence.
Failing.
Kidneys, womb – a hostile place
Her life, his? Theirs?
Two more at home. Unchoice.
Lover, husband, father by her side
the knife slips in, twists
it is done.
A human cross.
Still merciless, without compassion -
waving lurid, bilious, bloody images.
“Our child,” she whispers.
A sudden squeal of brakes
Reined emotion loosed
on well-meaning ignorance.
Tears fall, fists fly,
understanding too much, too little, too late.
Torn, ripped to tiny shreds -
fingers, toes, umbilicus
floating towards the grate.
This touched off an interesting “flamewar” (actually, an amazingly civil online debate with a man I came to like and respect): You can read the rest here, if you’re interested: http://www.gather.com/viewArti.....4977434449
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Roy Reply:
September 26th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Hi Holly!
That’s a very beautiful poem!
I try not to be judgmental in the story Holly, I know the decision was bad enough to make and worst is the guilt that would be carried after making it.
Yes, that’s one reason too, and a very bad predicament to be in – choosing between the mother and the child.
I’ll check out the link of these days Holly.
Thanks!
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Roy Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 8:23 am
hmm… let’s see if I can come up with something…
Thanks!
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this gave me goosebumps. i never thought i would feel Matthew’s presence that much.
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Roy Reply:
September 26th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Hi acantos!
Thanks! I’m gllad you like the story
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I jumped the gun when I hit the submit button: I did mean to add that I enjoyed the way you built suspense through foreshadowing, and your characterization is excellent (no cardboard cut-outs, which is so common in stories of this nature – it’s hard to resist, when you have a “moral” to impart, but you did well, leaving that to each reader).
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Thanks Holly!
I was very conscious about the plot appearing to be a ‘forcing through’ kind of type. This was a first for me as writing fiction in the first person POV.
I admit that I enjoyed, but somehow, as I experienced it, the character gets into you as well.
Thanks again!
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If you’re really interested, then sent me through e mail something that has never been published anywhere, on line or offline and I’ll sent it myself with your byline of course, let’s see what they’ll say to it.
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I missed the party!
A little more twist then you got a suspense thriller going on here. Well, that’s just me thinking in my weird way.
There are decisions that we made that would haunt us and there are those that we could learn from, Liza learned hers… with the huge cost. At least she learned.
Z
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Roy Reply:
October 3rd, 2009 at 7:09 am
It’s okay Z, you’re just in time
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Roy, All I can say is WOW this is the best short story I read of yours. This is truly an amazing story.
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Roy Reply:
October 5th, 2009 at 6:36 pm
thank you very much Jenn!
I am very much elated by your comment
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Roy Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 1:56 am
testing nested reply
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[...] – “I’m sorry, Matthew“ – How long must one carry the guilt for something that was done in the [...]
Hey, very nice story. The way you steadily paced the revelation was very good. It reminded of one of the story i wrote back in 1997,though i am a new writer/blogger. Best of luck for your future.
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[...] – “I’m sorry, Matthew“ – How long must one carry the guilt for something that was done in the [...]